


Photograph

by DestianaCaldin



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU, F/M, no superpowers, some angst but don't worry everything will be okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 85,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25569112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestianaCaldin/pseuds/DestianaCaldin
Summary: After tragedy strikes, Caitlin Snow feels the need to go back to her hometown to build herself back together again. She doesn't know yet that, in order to heal her present, she will have to face her past.Snowbarry AU without superpowers.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Caitlin Snow
Comments: 45
Kudos: 47





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is a story I wrote back in 2016/2017. It is a bit more angsty and emotional than "What If?" but bear with me, I'm a sucker for happy endings so everything will turn out ok :)
> 
> Also there are going to be quite a few flashbacks in this story, let me know if things are confusing!
> 
> Anyway, I don't own anything ! Enjoy ;)

" _I'm coming home  
I'm coming home  
Tell the world that I'm coming home  
Let the rain  
Wash away  
All the pain of yesterday"_

" _Coming Home – Skylar Grey"_

* * *

The place was bustling with people coming from every side of the room, from every side of the country, from every side of the globe. People alone, people with families or friends, people on the phone... This simple place welcomed so many people at the same time, yet everything that happened here was pretty brief and fleeting. Nobody really stopped to see what was going on around them, everyone focused on their sole purpose.

Caitlin waited patiently, arms hugging herself as she watched the baggage carousel finally being activated. A slight chill travelled across her body and she closed her jacket tighter around her. It was almost summer, but the heat hadn't settled in yet. As if it wasn't enough, the airport was going way too heavy on the air conditioning. Caitlin watched as people scurried towards their luggage, afraid that if they missed them, the suitcases would be swallowed by the black hole behind the wall. Caitlin chuckled to herself. Didn't they know that they would come back a few moments later?

But it was the same thing every single time. People would gather around the machine, pushing neighbours to get to their bags first, not paying any attention to their surroundings, their attention solely focused on their luggage. Everybody was so stressed out and always in a hurry, jacket hanging on one arm, cell phone clutched in one hand… It was painful to watch.

Caitlin tore her attention away from a mother, shouting to her kids to quickly grab their stuff, once she caught sight of her own small luggage coming up. Slowly and gracefully, Caitlin grabbed the handle of her bag and stepped away from the baggage carousel, carefully avoiding any distressed passenger that didn't find their luggage.

The 28-year-old doctor rolled her eyes. That was one of the reasons she hated flying, aside from the tiny leg space on the plane and the awful air conditioning. She hated seeing all these people stressed out and nervous because of all the things that could go wrong (delayed plane, lost baggage, passport problems, noisy neighbours… just to name a few). Caitlin was already a worrier to begin with, but seeing all of this around her kind of overwhelmed her sometimes, making her more nervous than actually needed. So each time she travelled, she tried to avoid all the drama, swiftly going through every process with her walls around her, shutting everything else out.

And today wasn't in any way different. Her walls were strongly built, especially considering the current events in her life. Her face was fixed with the blank expression she was carrying around everywhere with her lately. She didn't think she had really genuinely smiled in the past few months. She almost didn't remember what it felt like to laugh.

Pushing the disturbing thought aside, she pulled her suitcase behind her. Readjusting her handbag on her shoulder, Caitlin made her way out of the airport, passing a shield saying "Welcome to Ryker Neve – North Carolina". She glanced at it before shaking her head bitterly. Ten years ago she would've never thought about coming back here with a one-way ticket, with no plans about going back to Central City. Her younger self would've looked disapprovingly at her, asking her: "What the hell did you do with my life?"

And she probably wouldn't have a good enough reply to that. She had done everything as planned and everything had fallen apart anyway. She really didn't know where she had gone wrong. Dr. Caitlin Snow wasn't the kind of person to act on a whim. She had had a plan and she had never strayed away from it, never done anything absolutely reckless.

She had had a plan. But she didn't anymore.

Caitlin took a deep breath, pushing the painful memories away and stood outside, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. A small and very shy smile stretched her lips as she spotted him proudly standing next to his black sedan. He pushed himself off his car and went to meet her.

"Hey Caity." He whispered before taking her in his arms, hugging her intensely.

"Hi Charlie." She croaked against his chest. She didn't want to admit it, but she had truly missed him, missed her little brother and his comforting hugs. Missed his laughing eyes and unruly hair. Missed his childlike face contrasting with the really high-end suit he was currently wearing. She felt her eyes prickle a little, but she shut them tightly, effectively keeping the tears from escaping.

Finally, he broke the hug, putting his hands on her shoulders to take a good look at her. He could perfectly see the pain in his sister's eyes and wished he could make it go away. But in his opinion, coming back here was the first step towards healing. "Come on, let me bring you home, little sis'."

Caitlin playfully nudged him in the ribs. "Hey, I'm older than you, knucklehead." She protested.

"Yeah, but I'm still taller than you." He chuckled, making her smile widen itself.

It felt good – to smile, to be back here, to see him. She was too stubborn to admit it, but she needed this more than she thought. She wished she had come back here more often in the past few years.

Charlie took her suitcase from her and together they made their way to his car.

"Nice car! Did you steal it?" Caitlin teased as they reached it.

Charlie rolled his eyes as he put her stuff in his trunk and faked a laugh. "Ha-ha, real funny Caity. I do make good money, you know?" He added, showing her the very, _very_ , nice and expensive suit he was wearing.

The young woman smiled proudly at her brother. "Uh-huh, I heard." They both got inside the car and she spoke again right after he pulled away from the curb. "How is it going, by the way?"

Her brother took a deep breath, keeping his attention on the road, before shrugging. "Well, to be honest, it wasn't easy taking over after dad… But he did teach me everything I had to know before… before…" His voice cracked and Caitlin laid a supportive hand on his shoulder, knowing what he meant. "Anyway. The firm is going great, if that's what you're asking."

Caitlin gave him a sad smile before nodding. "I'm glad." She simply said, before turning her attention back on the road. Gradually, the well-known streets of her hometown stretched themselves around them. Caitlin enjoyed the simple feeling of recognising most of the stores and places, like the small town that was Ryker Neve had been frozen in time and nothing had changed ever since she had left.

Except so many things had changed.

She had come back here since she had left for college ten years ago, but it had never been for more than 4 or 6 days. It had always been a few days to visit her family before going back to her life in the big city. And here she was again. But this time, she didn't know for how long. She knew she wouldn't go back to Central City any time soon.

She couldn't.

It would be too painful.

Her mind wandering was interrupted by the sound of gravel rolling under the wheels of the car. Caitlin looked outside the window to see her childhood home and her heart clenched. They stopped and she stayed a moment in silence admiring the mansion before Charlie put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, mom is waiting for you." He said softly.

Caitlin nodded and got out of the car. As soon as she set foot outside, she heard the front door of the house being opened and someone scurrying towards her. She looked up to see her mother almost running towards her, gathering her in her arms as soon as she was within arm's reach.

"Oh Caitlin, honey, I'm so glad you're home." Her mother whispered in her hair. The tears Caitlin had managed to control at the airport finally escaped as she hugged her mother back. After pulling away, Evelyn swiped the tears away from her daughter's cheeks. "Hey, you're home, everything will be okay sweetheart." She said in a soothing voice, making the flow of tears more intense.

Caitlin hated feeling that weak. She was stronger than that. She wasn't supposed to break down at the mere sight of her mother. But she couldn't help it. She hadn't cried ever since _his_ funeral. At that time, she had been pretty sure she had shed every single tear available in her body. And she had promised herself to never put herself in that state again.

But she didn't really have a choice, did she? Tragedy always seemed to be knocking on her door.

"Come on Caity, let's get you inside. You must be exhausted." Her mother led her to the house while her brother took care of her bags.

Once inside, her mother told her to go up to her room, change into something more comfortable and to come back down for a cup of tea and some cookies. Caitlin wordlessly agreed and made her way up the stairs. When she stepped inside her room, she was immediately overwhelmed by memories of her childhood. It was like stepping inside a time machine. The smell, the photos, the colours, the books, the decoration. Everything was as she had left it ten years ago. Every time she had come back to Ryker Neve, she had never had the heart or the time to change things in her bedroom. But it had never affected her this way. Everything meant something special to her and she felt as if she were about to break down all over again.

"Caitlin, get a hold of yourself, you're stronger than this." She muttered to herself and somehow it helped to calm down the tears. She took a deep breath and went to her closet, finding there some old sweatpants and a high school T-shirt from her teenage years. She felt immediately better as she put them on.

Caitlin went to sit on her bed and took a moment to think about her current situation, trying to organise her thoughts to find the rational way to deal with everything. She shouldn't put herself in that state, but she had absolutely no control. Which was a terrifying thought for a control freak like her.

Nine months ago, her fiancé Ronnie Raymond had died in a tragic accident at S.T.A.R. labs where they had both been working. The particle accelerator they had been working on had exploded during its activation. During an attempt to lessen the consequences of the explosion, Ronnie had sacrificed his life, saving the majority of the city in the process. Caitlin had been absolutely heartbroken. But she had bitten the bullet, had shut herself out after the funeral and had carried on with her life, diving head first in what was left from her job at S.T.A.R. labs, accompanied by Dr. Wells and her best friend Cisco Ramon.

Things had been relatively normal – as much as they could be after losing your fiancé – until a few days ago. Out of nowhere, she had met an old colleague from the lab: Hartley Rathaway. And what he had told her had turned her world upside down. He had revealed to her how Dr. Wells had known all along that the particle accelerator would explode, how he perfectly knew there would have been great consequences. How he had basically signed Ronnie's death certificate.

Not believing him at first, Caitlin had gone to her boss to seek some answers, expecting him to refute everything and to ease her doubts. But to her great surprise, Dr. Wells had admitted everything, how he had planned all along to make the activation fail, how he had expected great things to come out of the explosion – he had spoken about mutations and incredible things and superpowers… Dr. Wells had admitted having failed his project. None of the consequences he had expected from the explosion had actually happened.

In a fury, Caitlin had given her resignation on the spot, leaving S.T.A.R. labs without even looking back. Her boss had killed her fiancé in his quest for greatness, in his quest for unbelievable things. She had lost all faith in him in a matter of seconds, considering him crazy for his actions, hating him for putting all of their lives in jeopardy. He had betrayed her. And at the same time, she had completely lost faith in herself. Everything had just been a lie. The last nine months had been the worst of her life and it had all been a lie.

The first things she had done, once back in her apartment, was to call her brother and tell him everything. The revelation had brought all the memories of Ronnie's death back up. She still hadn't quite accepted his death, maybe because it had been all of a sudden. And now learning that her boss had been the reason she had lost him… It had been the final straw. Bringing back all the pain. Drowning her. She had nothing left. No fiancé. No job. No dreams. No future. She was simply heartbroken and alone.

So Charlie had suggested that it was maybe time for her to come spend some time at home with him and their mother. It hadn't taken much to convince her. She was lost and maybe going home would help her find her way back. So Caitlin had taken a few days to tie up loose ends in Central City before hopping on a plane and there she was.

Back in her room in her childhood home, in her hometown.

Back in Ryker Neve.

Back in North Carolina.

With the back of her hand, she chased away the tears strolling down her cheek. She could get herself out of this mess. She was 28 years old; she would manage to get her life back on track. She just hoped it wouldn't take her too long. Because as much as she loved this small town, she knew Dr. Caitlin Snow was made for the big city life.

" _You have that brightness inside of you that's just waiting to come out to dazzle the world."_

A photo on her dresser caught Caitlin's attention and she stood up to grab it. It was a picture of her and some of her high school friends standing near the school's library – where she used to spend way too much time. Younger Caitlin was beaming at the camera and her eyes were shining with so many dreams and so much passion. Her smile was huge and Caitlin couldn't remember the last time she had smiled like that.

She couldn't help but feeling like she had failed her younger self, being back home, alone, without a job, with a broken heart and a weak smile. She was pretty much the shadow of who she used to be. A shadow hanging out with ghosts.

Before she could continue to wallow in self-pity, a soft knock on her door brought her out of her trance. Charlie came in with her bags after she called him in. "Hasn't changed a bit, has it?" He asked as he stood in the middle her bedroom.

Caitlin shook her head with a shaky laugh. "Nope. I guess I should probably tell mom that my 'no adults in my bedroom' rule doesn't need to be applied anymore, huh?"

He chuckled; glad to see that his sister was still able to joke. "Hey, how are you doing?" Charlie asked with a touch of worry in his voice.

She shrugged and gave him a grateful smile. "It's going to take some time, but I'll be okay."

He rubbed a hand against her back before glancing at the photograph in her hand. He then asked what part of her had been dreading to hear. "Are you going to see him?"

Caitlin took the time to look at the person she knew he was talking about. The person responsible for younger Caitlin's beaming face in the photo. The tall dark haired boy with his right arm tightly draped around her shoulders, a goofy smile plastered on his face, the fingers of his left hand forming a peace sign, his hair messy as ever. She remembered him telling her and their friends some dumb science joke and they had all burst out laughing just as the photo was taken.

He was the boy that had told her how bright her future would be. He was the boy that had made her believe great things were in store for her. And she had believed every single one of his words with all her heart.

"Well, it is a small town so I'll probably cross his path one of these days." Caitlin tried to answer very casually, even is she could feel her heartbeat picking up its pace.

Charlie frowned at her, seeing right through her. "I know that, but are you going to avoid him?"

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat without success. "I don't know…" She breathed out and Charlie put a comforting arm around her shoulders, giving her a quick side hug.

"Come on," he said softly, changing the subject, "mom made you some tea and she's waiting for you. She got lots of things to talk about to take your mind off things!"

Caitlin nodded with a weak smile, doing everything in her power to keep the tears away. "I'll be down in a second."

Charlie glanced one last time at her before leaving her alone again.

Caitlin eyed the picture she had in her hand again, her eyes never leaving that angelic face she knew all too well, those green eyes piercing through the picture and staring straight into her soul. That had been one of her fears about coming back here after all these years. Seeing _him_ again. Speaking with _him_. She had absolutely no idea how she would react when the moment would come to see her High School boyfriend Barry Allen again.

And it terrified her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caitlin's family members in this story were created before any were presented in the TV show, hence the different names and personalities and everything :)
> 
> Also I chose North Carolina because Danielle was born in Georgia and Grant grew up in Virginia. And North Carolina was kind of the state in between, so I thought… Why not? And I have to thanks Haelover on tumblr for the cool name that is Ryker Neve (Ryker: Fast Stride, Neve: Latin for Snow)


	2. Good To See You Again

" _It's good to see you again  
Tell me all the things that you did my friend  
Hey let's take it slow just for a while  
And share some time  
_' _Cause I miss you and  
I need to see your smile"_

_"Good To See You Again – Jesse Ritch"_

* * *

"Mom, I'm going out to run a little." Caitlin shouted across the house, jogging down the stairs.

"Oh honey, why don't you just take it easy for at least a few more days?" Her mother answered back from the kitchen where she was already preparing dinner even though they just had lunch.

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "I'm just going out for a run. This _is_ me taking it easy."

It wasn't a lie. Dr. Caitlin Snow rarely took any time off, and when she did, she always brought some work with her. Not working at all was something she hadn't known ever since she had left high school. And even then, she had been the biggest nerd ever. She didn't really know what to do with herself without work and right now she really needed a good run to occupy herself.

She didn't wait for her mother's reply, put her earbuds in place and exited the house, gradually accelerating her pace to warm up. Soon, she was jogging in rhythm with her Ipod's music through the streets of her hometown. From time to time, she waved hello to an old acquaintance but never stopped to start a conversation. She didn't think she was ready to explain her life to people she hadn't spoken in years. Besides she had the perfect excuse not to stop: her run – you know, to avoid breaking her pace and everything…

Caitlin had been back for a couple of days now and she was starting to feel more at ease but she still missed the rhythm of the big city, the noise, the music, the busy life… Here everything was going at a slower pace, nobody was checking their watches, people stopped every few meters to greet someone, to buy something, to just sit on a bench and watch other people walk by.

Caitlin shook her head. Sure it seemed very, _very_ , peaceful, but she wasn't convinced that this was a life made for her. She was a workaholic, never stopping to stand still for more than a few minutes. She would probably turn crazy in a small town like Ryker Neve. Fortunately, she wouldn't stay here forever. At least she hoped she wouldn't get stuck here.

She took a turn and stopped in front of her favourite café, a place she used to go very often as a teenager to hang out with her friends to take a break from studying. She glanced inside to see if maybe her old friend that had worked there was still present. But it wasn't a surprise when she didn't see her. It had been ten years ago after all. Her friend Iris had aimed greater things than just waiter in a small-town-café.

The young woman turned around and resumed her run, but didn't go very far as a small cry caught her attention, even over the music blasting in her ears. On her left, she saw a little girl on the ground, her tricycle knocked over just behind her. Caitlin's doctor instinct pushed her towards the crying little girl, crouching to her level and immediately checking where she was hurt, after taking her earbuds out of her ears.

"Hey sweetie, are you okay? Where does it hurt?" Caitlin asked with her softest voice.

The little girl's teary eyes flew up to meet Caitlin's as she pointed to her knee, which was uncovered as she was only wearing a pair of shorts. There was a small scratch there with a few drops of blood, but nothing too bad. It should just be disinfected as soon as possible.

Caitlin looked around her. "Hey, where are your parents?"

The little girl pointed at the café in front of which Caitlin had been standing just a few moments ago. The young woman turned back to her. "Okay, can you stand up?" The kid just nodded, her tears stopping under Caitlin's soothing voice. "Perfect. We'll go join your parents and I'll see if I can find some product for me to clean that little scratch. What's your name?"

"Lily." She whispered back, her voice clouded by tears.

Caitlin was momentarily mesmerised by the little girl's piercing blue eyes contrasting with her slightly darker skin. She was simply beautiful, with her braided dark hair and her chubby cheeks. Lily was probably 3 or 4 years old, not much older. And something about her seemed familiar to Caitlin but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

With her thumb, Caitlin gently swiped away the single tear rolling down the girl's cheek. "I'm a doctor, so everything will be fine, I promise." The young woman reassured her.

She took the little girl's hand in hers and grabbed the tricycle with the other one. Together, they walked the couple of meters to the café and Caitlin pushed the door open with her shoulder. As soon as they stepped inside to café, a tall blonde man scurried towards them, crouching in front of the little girl. "Honey, what happened?" He asked worriedly.

"I fell." Lily replied quietly before throwing her arms around the man's neck.

He inquiringly looked up at Caitlin. "It's just a scratch that needs to be disinfected." She reassured him.

"I swear I was watching her through the window, I just looked away for a minute." He explained himself but Caitlin wasn't here to judge anyone. She just wanted to help the little girl.

"I'm going to ask the waiter if they have a first aid kit." Caitlin said, while putting the tricycle down.

The blonde man nodded as he picked up the little girl in his arms. "Oh yeah, Iris has some in the back. Come with me."

Caitlin's eyebrows shot up as she followed him to the back of the café. "Iris? She still works here?"

The man glanced at her over his shoulder. "You know Iris?" Caitlin just nodded. "Well yeah, she owns the café. Don't know how long you haven't been here, but it's been a while now. She just manages the place though, her journalist job takes most of her time."

Caitlin made an impressed face at the news. It had been Iris' dream to become a journalist. Knowing that she had managed to reach it and that she also owned a café at the same time was really impressive. It didn't surprise her though; Iris had always aimed big. And when she put her mind to something, nothing could stop her.

"Where is momma?" The little girl asked.

"She had to go back to her office, sweetie, but we can call after her you're all patched up if you want." The man explained soothingly before pointing to Caitlin the small box on the shelf.

The young woman grabbed the first-aid-kit and found what she was looking for. Pretty soon, Lily was all patched up with a beautiful 'Frozen' band-aid on her knee and she had gained her smile back. That's when Caitlin saw the striking resemblance.

"Is she Iris' daughter?" She suddenly asked the young man.

He gave her a bright smile and nodded, dropping a kiss on the little girl's forehead. "Yes, she is our little star." He turned back to the young doctor. "What is your name by the way?"

"Caitlin." She smiled back, spotting the wedding ring on the man's left hand.

"Eddie. It's a pleasure to meet you." The blond man smiled brightly. "And thank you for helping my little girl out. I really appreciate it. I can tell Iris you were here, if you'd like."

"Oh that won't be necessary. I'll try to drop by some other time and see if I can catch her." Caitlin replied with a smile. She wanted to be the one reaching out, deciding herself when she would be ready to see her friend again. She had absolutely no problem with seeing her again, but she perfectly knew that if she met with Iris, _he_ would soon follow. And she wasn't sure if she was ready to see _him_ yet.

Caitlin waved goodbye to Eddie and his daughter and made her way back to the main room of the café. She smiled, thinking about everything that Iris had achieved in the past ten years – reach her dream, own a successful café, get married, have a beautiful daughter. It made her heart squeeze for an instant, thinking about all the things she hadn't reached herself, but she pushed everything aside. Caitlin was incredibly proud of her friend.

She momentarily considered buying a cup of coffee to go but the place was pretty busy and she still had to finish her run. She would come back another time, when she would actually have time to enjoy her coffee.

She was about to step out of the café when a voice behind her stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Well, I'll be damned! Caitlin Snow?! Is that you?!"

The young woman froze on the spot, her hand resting on the open door. She would recognise that cheerful and playful voice anywhere. Even if it had been way too long since the last time she had actually heard it. Her heart swelled at the thought that some things did _never_ change.

Shyly, she let the door close itself and she turned around to face the tall young man standing behind her with a coffee in one hand and a wide grin on his face when he realised it was really her.

Well _so much_ for deciding when she would be ready to see _him_ again.

He had changed. But at the same time, he was still the same boy she had known all those years ago. The same messy brown hair, the same laughing green eyes, the same bright grin, the same height, the same goofy expression… But he looked older – which shouldn't surprise her, she was a doctor after all, she knew nobody could escape the ageing process – but still. Part of her had expected him to stay exactly the same, as if he had been frozen in time like the rest of this town.

Though the way a slight stubble was running along his jaw, the way his shirt seemed fuller than before (in a very nice way), the way she could see the defined line of his arms' muscles, the way small laughter lines were imprinted at the corner of his eyes (as if he smiled so much that it was carved in his skin), the way he was confidently standing, made her think she had really no reasons to regret the old him. The new him was so much more handsome – and it was saying a lot, considering teenage-him had already been jaw-dropping in her opinion.

"Oh my god, it really _is_ you." He spoke again, bringing her out of her deep thoughts.

He took a step forward and that snapped her out of her trance. She stopped him before he could hug her. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she warned him, "I'm all sweaty and disgusting."

Caitlin made a face and all he could do was laugh and shrug. "I don't care, it's been way too long." And before she could reply anything, Caitlin was engulfed in two strong arms. She felt a bit light-headed as she found his smell again and a light blush crept up her cheeks. She had always loved his hugs. They were always so simple but so honest at the same time.

"How long has it been?" He asked when he pulled away. "Ten years?"

Oh she had missed him, but she wasn't allowed to feel this way. She couldn't open that door again. He was part of her past and she had to deal with her present right now. Caitlin cleared her throat. "Eight actually." She corrected and she saw a flash of darkness strike in his eyes for the fraction of a second. She perfectly knew she didn't need to remind him when it was the last time they saw each other – it was probably burnt into his memory like it was into hers – but the words had escaped her lips on their own accord.

But Barry Allen had always been great at pushing his pain away to keep shining and make people around him feel good. "Well you look great. Time has been kind to you."

Caitlin looked away, her lower lip sucked in between her teeth, feeling her cheeks heat up and it was like she was a teenage girl all over again. Barry shook his head with a low laugh. She had never been able to accept a compliment and it was really endearing.

"What are you doing here? How long are you staying?" He asked tactfully changing the subject.

Caitlin smiled and looked back at him. Yup, he hadn't changed _that_ much.

"I'm taking a break from my crazy city-life." She joked, not wanting to dive into the serious subject right away. "And I don't have an end date for my stay yet."

She didn't miss the way his smile changed to being slightly more satisfied after the answer he got from her. "Listen," he said, "I've got to run – no pun intended." He added as he pointed to her running gear. "So I'm afraid I can't stay much longer, I'm already late - as usual. But we absolutely have to catch up one of these days." His free hand came up to rub the back of his neck as he became uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Can I… maybe… you know… you don't have to…" He stuttered. "But maybe… you could… give me your number?"

Her right eyebrow rose on her forehead in amusement and the corner of her mouth lifted itself slightly. In a matter of seconds, confident grown-up Barry had turned into awkward 17-year-old Barry again. And it did funny things to her heart. "Sure." Caitlin simply replied with a detached shrug, pulling her hand up, expecting him to put his phone in her hand.

He awkwardly shuffled through his pocket to grab his phone, trying not to spill his coffee and finally handed her the device. She silently took it, carefully avoiding touching his fingers – she didn't need a reminder of how soft his skin was. Caitlin quickly tipped in her number before giving him his phone back. "There you go."

Barry grinned back at her. "Thanks Cait, I'll call you!" He squirted around her, pushed the door open and turned one last time. "Oh and by the way, congratulations!"

He nodded towards her left hand as she frowned at him and before she could answer, he was out the door and half running across the street. Her wide eyes followed him down the street. He had called her 'Cait'. Aside from Ronnie, he had been the only one she had accepted to call her that – even her family preferred calling her 'Caity' instead of 'Cait'. And hearing that nickname after 9 months made her feel slightly dizzy.

Not to mention that he had congratulated her for her engagement as he had noticed the ring that Caitlin was still wearing on her left hand. She hadn't gathered the courage to take it off yet. She knew that Ronnie was gone, but it was still way too difficult. Unconsciously, her fingers went to play with her engagement ring.

A lump formed in the back of her throat. It became hard to breath. She had to get out of here.

Caitlin shook herself a bit before going out, turning her music back on and resuming her run towards her home with a somehow faster pace. As soon as she stepped foot back inside her house, she ran up the stairs, ignoring the surprised look her mother gave her as she almost stumbled against her on the way up. She quickly took a shower before going back to her room.

She put her bag on her bed and began stuffing her clothes in it.

"Caity, everything alright?" Her mother entered the room without knocking, making Caitlin jump in surprise. "Wait, what are you doing?" The older woman frowned as she saw her daughter packing her stuff.

"I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't." The young doctor replied nervously, pacing in her room, grabbing every article of clothing she found on her way. "I need to go back to Central City, I need to find a job, I need to…" She choked on her words. "I need to do something!" She cried out.

"Caitlin, honey, breathe." Evelyn came up behind her and soothingly rubbed her hand against her daughter's back. "What happened?"

Caitlin threw the dress she had in her hand on her chair, before collapsing on her bed, face first, like a teenage girl throwing a tantrum. "I saw Barry." She mumbled, her face buried in the cover.

Her mother chuckled at her behaviour. "Well that was bound to happen sweetheart."

Caitlin didn't look up, her voice still muffled by her bed-cover. "I know, but I wasn't mentally prepared to see him. And he looked so good mom…" She whined.

"And how is that a bad thing?" Evelyn replied softly sitting next to her on the bed. "I always liked him. Don't get me wrong, I loved Ronnie! And what happened to him is a real tragedy and I'm hurting for you." She resumed running a hand on her daughter's back. "But I think that maybe it's time for you to move on."

Caitlin shook her head. "I'm not ready. And besides, I came here to get over his death." She grumbled. "Not to jump into a new relationship, least of all with Barry, mom. There's too much history there."

"So?" Evelyn asked as if she had a hard time grasping Caitlin's point.

The young woman slightly turned around to lie on her side, glancing up at her mother before taking a deep breath. "I got hurt too much last time. Both times actually." She whispered. "I can't go through that again."

Evelyn gave her an apologetic look. "Well it was partly your fault, you know that, right?"

"Aarrg, don't remind me." Caitlin groaned, turning her face back to her cover. She had had a hard time getting over Barry, but also a hard time accepting the choices she had made in that matter. Some days she even wondered if she ever forgave herself for it.

Her mother softly tapped her back before standing up, grabbing her messy suitcase to put it back in the closet. "Well, I'm just saying…" She trailed off knowingly. "And there's no way you're already going back to Central City, you just got here!"

Caitlin groaned again and Evelyn just chuckled.

"Your brother is coming for dinner tonight." She added before leaving the bedroom.

Caitlin sighed.

She sure had more to deal with than just the death of her fiancé and the betrayal of her boss. And she had no idea how she felt about everything.

Because Barry Allen had always been very good at messing with her head.

And her heart.


	3. Pictures Of You

" _Remembering you standing quiet in the rain  
As I ran to your heart to be near  
And we kissed as the sky fell in  
Holding you close  
How I always held close in your fear  
Remembering you running soft through the night  
You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow"_

_"Pictures Of You – The Cure"_

* * *

"So I heard you became like a big-shot bioengineer or something like that, right Dr. Snow?"

Caitlin coughed, almost spitting the gulp of coffee she had just taken. Her state of distress wasn't helped as Barry decided to tap her lightly on the back to help her catch her breath. She lifted one hand to show him she was okay and he stopped right away, raising his hands in surrender.

They were both sitting on a bench in a park they used to hang out in with their friends. It was Saturday afternoon and the sun was shinning brightly in the sky and they had both shed their jackets. They had stopped by Iris' café to buy some coffee to go before settling here. He had called her the day after bumping into each other. She hadn't expected him to call so soon, but she had agreed to meet him that weekend to catch up.

"Yeah, well that kind of fell apart." She croaked, finally catching her breath. "Long story, for another time maybe." She added when she saw the surprised lift of eyebrows he gave her. "What about you?"

Barry cleared his throat, losing himself in a memory for a moment, before turning his attention back to Caitlin. "Well, as you already know, I didn't finish that forensic degree I had intended of having." Caitlin nodded softly, perfectly knowing the reason why but not wanting to interrupt him. "But a couple of years later, I decided to change track and I became a teacher. You're now facing a super cool biology high school teacher." He said proudly, sitting straighter on the bench, flattening the wrinkles of his button down shirt just for show, making her chuckle.

"Well I'm happy to hear you found something you liked," she admitted softly, "though I'm pretty sure you would've kicked ass at being a forensic expert."

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm pretty happy where I am now. And besides, I do some forensic stuff for my girlfriend from time to time."

Caitlin tried to hide the way her breath caught in her throat again and ignore the way her heart clenched at the information. Sure she had told her mother that she wasn't interested in jumping into a relationship with Barry. But hearing that he had a girlfriend still made her feel weird things. There was no way she would let him know though. Besides, she couldn't really hold it against him, she had moved on too and even gotten engaged.

She made a weird face. "Ugh, spare me the creepy details."

"What?" Barry frowned at her face. Suddenly, he realised how it could've sounded and gasped at her, his face becoming crimson red from embarrassment. "No! No no no no! Cait!" He squealed, shaking his head frenetically. "That's not what I meant– there's nothing sexual in that statement! She's a cop here and I consult on some cases when they need help."

Caitlin burst out laughing at the state he was in, but sobered up when he glared at her. "I'm sorry, that was just too funny to watch." He let out a relieved chuckled. "Don't get mad, but is there really a lot to do in forensic in a small town like this?" She finally asked, showing the quiet park around them.

Barry shrugged. "Well, not as much as in your big Central City, that's for sure. But Ryker Neve does have some petty criminals that need to be caught."

Caitlin nodded and then a moment of silence settled in between them. They didn't look at each other, they just observed the life around them, sipping their coffees and just thinking.

"How's your father?" She finally asked quietly.

Barry looked down at his cup, his fingers drawing random patterns on it. They both knew what she was referring to. His mother's death. "He's holding up. It's been almost 8 years now. I used to think that the further away I got from it, the less it would hurt." He paused, sighing. "But some days, the pain… it's worst than the day that it happened. We still miss her every single day."

The air between them got heavier as he turned his head to face her. Caitlin saw in his eyes a pain she knew all too well, because she was pretty sure it was the same that resided in her own eyes. And it brought so many painful memories that, suddenly, breathing became really difficult.

"I heard about your father." He continued, his voice barely a whisper. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't in town when it happened, or I would've come to the funeral."

Caitlin closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, releasing a single tear to run down her cheek. "It's not your fault Barry." She whispered back. She would've loved to have him by her side, though she didn't know if she could've handled it. She had been in Ryker Never just for the funeral, running back to Central City just after, to bury herself back into her studies.

"Yeah, but I could've been there for you." He muttered, his voice full of regret.

When she opened her eyes again, she drowned right back into his. At that precise moment, they both realised that the link tying them together all those years ago had actually become stronger in spite of all this time spent apart. They had so much in common and they found strength in the other because they had gone through so many similar things – losing a parent to sickness during their twenties being one of them. He had lost his mother around 7 and a half year ago while she had lost her father a couple of years after. They were two kids that had had to grow up faster than intended. They were different but they still shared that connection. And even if the last time they had seen each other had been 8 years ago, it felt like it had been yesterday.

"What happened to us?" Caitlin murmured to herself, incapable of looking away from his green eyes.

"Life…" He breathed out.

* * *

_[10 years ago]_

" _You know, this doesn't have to be the end. We could always try the long distance thing." He suggested, his forehead leaning against hers._

_Caitlin closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears from escaping, revelling in how his skin felt against hers. "I don't think that's a good idea, Barry." She whispered, not daring looking at his eyes. Because she perfectly knew that if she did, all her resolve would crumble down. His green orbs had an insane power over her and she wouldn't be able to count the number of time she had gotten lost in them, even if her life had been depending on it._

" _Come on, Cait, we could at least try." Barry pleaded, nudging her a bit so that she could open those eyes he loved so much._

_Caitlin took a deep breath and finally opened her eyes, but she avoided his, deciding that staring at his chin would be way safer. "You know very well that these things never work out. It kills me to do this, believe me, but our lives in the next four to five years are going to be in opposite states, in opposite worlds." Her voice cracked. "I prefer that we end it like this instead of a big fight blowing up after months of piled up tension because we don't see each other. Ending things now will spare us the worst heartache that is waiting for us in the future."_

" _I'll wait for you then." Barry insisted, not willing to admit that this was the end of their story. He would fight for her, because he couldn't imagine a life without her in it._

_Caitlin let out a nervous laugh and shook her head against his. "I can't ask you to do that, Barry. That's not fair for you and for me. I want you to live your life at the fullest. Go get your dream. Be young. Be crazy. Don't wait for me, please." She ignored how her heart was falling to pieces at her own words. But she knew it was the only way she could get him to let go of her and live his life. She didn't want to hold him back. And what she was about to say next would probably crush what was left of her heart. "I don't want you to wait for me." She breathed out, hoping he wouldn't hear it because she knew she wouldn't have the strength to repeat it. But he winced as he heard the words perfectly._

_They were both standing in the street outside the little café where all their friends were throwing a going-away party for Caitlin. She would leave the day after for Central City, settling in there a few days before beginning her bioengineer and medical degree. The rest of their friends, including Barry, would also leave for College soon. But Caitlin, being the control-freak that she was, had wanted more days to prepare herself before the beginning of the academic year._

_It was the end of the summer and the air was heavy, warm and wet. They had known that a small storm would come during the night, but they were still somewhat surprised as the first drops of rain fell around them. The young couple completely ignored it. They were both standing in each other's arms under a lamppost shining on them in the middle of the night, drops of rain reverberating the light._

_There was a lump at the back of Barry's throat. He didn't understand how she could expect this from him. "But Cait, I love you." He croaked. "I don't want a life where you aren't in it."_

_Softly, Caitlin cupped his face between her hands and finally looked straight into his eyes. "And I love you. So much." She told him passionately. "But I don't see how this can work." A light tremble shook her body as a few tears mixed with raindrops ran down her cheeks. "Maybe, if in a few years we call each other and we still feel the same way, then maybe we can talk about it." She knew she shouldn't be saying this because it was almost the same as saying 'Wait for me'. But she had to hold onto some kind of hope. Because breaking up with him was actually the last thing she wanted to do. "But for now, I think it's better if we stop things where they are."_

_Barry knew she was right. He had kind of expected it. But it didn't mean he liked it. "Can we say goodbye tomorrow?" He pleaded, his grip on her waist tightening. "My parents are gone for the night. Please stay over. One last night."_

" _Barry…" She breathed out._

_He winced. He wasn't sure if he would be able to handle her rejection right now. "Please, Cait. I don't want to say goodbye tonight. I can't… I just…"_

_Caitlin shut him up by crashing her lips against his and he let out a small moan of surprise before clutching at her waist as one of her hands grabbed the lapels of his jacket while the other buried itself in his wet hair. Their kiss heated up pretty quickly and Caitlin unwillingly pulled away, breathlessly._

_Barry wasn't having any of it and dived into the crook of her neck, peppering kisses along the column of her throat, hitting every single of her sensitive spots, showing her in the process how much he actually knew her. Caitlin let herself, heart and soul, enjoy the moment, tilting her head to the side to give him a better access. The rain was falling at its fullest on them now and they still didn't care being soaked to the bone._

" _Barry." She whimpered before cupping his face in her hands and reluctantly pulling him away from her neck._

_The unsatisfied look he gave her made a giggle escape from her lips. "I don't see what's funny right now." He grumbled._

" _Well…" She trailed off, her fingers running playfully along his smooth and naked jaw, making him shiver in the process. "I was thinking that, if your parents aren't at home, what are we doing making out in the rain?" Caitlin teased and Barry's eyes turned a shade even darker than before._

" _Let's go." He groaned, grabbing her hand and making his way to his car._

" _Wait!" She immediately exclaimed, letting go of his hand._

_Barry stopped and stomped his foot on the floor in annoyance, throwing his arms dramatically in the air like a little kid. "What now?!"_

_Caitlin giggled, a hand flying to her lips to keep it inside. She nodded towards the café. "Well, I think I should say goodbye to them first before I can spend the whole night in your bed." She lifted her eyebrows playfully._

_She didn't think she ever saw Barry run so fast towards the café, and that was saying a lot, considering he had been the best on the track team of their high school._

_So that's what they did. They expediently said goodbye to all of their friends and left almost running towards Barry's car under the knowing looks of their friends. A few minutes later, the couple had stumbled into Barry's room, clothes lost along the way. And as they had fallen on his bed, Caitlin hadn't been able to keep a tear from strolling down her cheek as he had whispered "God, I love you so much, Cait" into her ear. So she had repeated the same words to him and had decided to show him how much she really loved him that night, knowing it would probably be their last one together._

_She hadn't expected the goodbye at the airport the morning after to be so much more painful than the conversation under the rain. But it had been. And her copping mechanism had been to dive into her College work as soon as it began a couple of weeks later, building her walls up around her._

_They kept in touch for a few weeks, but it turned out to be way too painful to try to act like simple friends when they both knew they had deep feelings for each other. So the phone calls died down, the texts diminished to one every few weeks, even to months and they didn't meet again until two years after._

_Caitlin realised it was her fault that they had fallen apart. But she pushed it aside and focused on her studies. She learned the hard way that, some times, breaking up with someone you were still in love with hurt more than having your heart broken by the other person._

* * *

"So, I guess the city life wasn't all you had expected it to be, if you're back here without an expiration date?" Barry's soft voice brought her out of her memories.

Caitlin chased the pain away with a shrug. "Well it was, for a moment, before everything fell apart." She sighed.

"I gathered that much. Are you going to tell me what happen? What made you come back here?" Barry inquired.

She bit her lower lip, not knowing how to engage this conversation. She took a deep breath and decided to just jump into it. "Don't get me wrong, I still love the city, its rhythm and way of life. I think it fits me really well." She paused to glance at him and he just nodded, telling her to continue. "Anyway. I had a great life." She explained, a soft smile floating on her lips. "Right after my college graduation, I got a great job position offered to me. It was my dream job…"

Barry smiled at how passionate she got speaking about it. "So you _did_ catch your dream." He commented.

Caitlin looked right in front of her, avoiding his burning stare, and nodded. "I did. I was the new bioengineer at the head of my own team at S.T.A.R. labs. It was everything I had dreamed it could be." Caitlin spoke wistfully. "And then I met Ronnie there." She added quietly, catching the way he glanced with a frown at her ring in the corner of her vision. But she decided to ignore it. "He was a structural engineer on the particle accelerator we were working on. He liked to joke that he was basically a very high priced plumber." Barry grinned. "We were very different. You know me: I was all straight lines, guarded and hard working. Ronnie brought me out of my shell. He made me laugh."

' _He made me find that laugh I had lost when I lost you.'_ Caitlin wanted to add, but felt it wasn't appropriate. She was still mourning and he had a girlfriend. Besides, she had moved on. At least that's what she kept repeating herself.

She shook her head, chasing those thoughts away. "I fell pretty quickly in love with him and two years into our relationship we got engaged. He made me really happy…"

"Made?" Barry suddenly asked.

Caitlin looked up, surprised by his interruption and frowned at him, not understanding his question. "Huh?"

"You keep speaking about him in past tense." He explained.

Caitlin looked back down at her hands, particularly her left one where her engagement ring was still shining as brightly as the day Ronnie had given it to her. As a habit, she began playing with it, making it turn on her finger. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "There was an accident. At work." Caitlin didn't seem able to form long sentences anymore. "The particle accelerator. It exploded. Ronnie died that night. Saving so many people in the process."

A breath caught in Barry's throat as he silently listened to her. Without even realising it, his hand travelled to her knee and he squeezed it in support. "He was a hero." He finally said, not really knowing what to say to comfort her. He had heard about the particle accelerator explosion nine months ago. But he hadn't really looked into it and had no idea Caitlin had been involved. Had he known, he would've informed himself more.

Caitlin's eyes welled up with tears. "I didn't want him to be a hero." She choked out, her voice thick with pain. "I wanted him to be my husband."

Barry draped an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer, giving her a comforting hug as she let a few tears escape. "I'm so sorry, Cait." He whispered once her head rested on his shoulder to seek comfort.

They stayed like this for moment until Caitlin's phone interrupted them. She pulled away and answered after drying off her stray tears. "Hey… Yes Charlie… No I'm with Barry… Will do… Okay, I'll drop by the grocery store on my way back… Bye!"

Caitlin hung up before apologising to Barry. "Sorry for that. Charlie says 'hi'."

"Well, say 'hi back' next time you see him. How is he doing by the way? Haven't seen him in a while."

"Oh I think he's good." Caitlin smiled proudly. "He took over my father's law firm and he's handling things pretty nicely. I'm glad that he still lives here though. He's taking great care of my mother ever since… ever since my father died."

"Charlie's a great guy." Barry simply commented, still a bit at a loss for words after hearing her story from the past eight years.

A faint smile floated above her lips. Barry and Charlie had always had a great relationship. "Okay, I should probably go." Caitlin suddenly stood up. "I think we woke up enough painful memories for one day and I still have to drop by the grocery store to buy a few things for the dinner tonight."

Barry's eyes followed her silhouette, a bit surprised by the sudden change in their conversation. But he didn't try to stop her, still shaken – he just nodded as she was walking away. She was almost out of sight when it was his turn to suddenly stand up and call after her. "Cait! Wait a second."

Caitlin stopped dead in her tracks and waited for him to catch up. "Did you get the invitation for our 10-year High School Reunion?" Barry asked.

She frowned. "I did…"

"Are you going?" He curiously inquired.

Caitlin shrugged. "I'm still thinking about it. I'll see how I'm handling things by then. Not sure I'm in the mood for celebration these days. Or bring out all those high school memories."

Barry understood perfectly, but still hoped she would be able to make it. Speaking with her made him realise how much he had actually missed her. Sure he had missed her as his girlfriend, but he also dearly missed the close friendship they had. "Okay, well keep me posted if you change your mind."

"Will do." She nodded. "Get home safely." Caitlin added before resuming her walk to her car.

"You too." He called out with a grin that she didn't see.

Caitlin didn't want to bring all those memories back. But it didn't matter if she wanted it or not, spending time in Ryker Neve would bring them back. It already had. She didn't really have a choice. Just spending time with her ex was opening the dam and letting all those moments flowing all over her, almost drowning her.

Like pictures, she could see all those memories displayed around her.

Like looking at old photographs, she felt like she was living them again, with all the love, happiness, pain and heartaches that they were containing. And a part of her was telling her she had to deal with all them in order to move forward in her life.

* * *

" _If only I'd thought of the right words  
I could have held on to your heart  
If only I'd thought of the right words  
I wouldn't be breaking apart  
All my pictures of you"_


	4. Good Old Days

" _1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years go by  
I don't really know why, I don't really know why  
7, 8, 9, 11 years go by  
I don't really know why, I don't really know why  
I still feel the same way I did when I was 17  
I still look over my shoulder waiting for the world to change  
But these are the good old days"_

_"Good Old Days – Pink"_

* * *

There was a loud knock on the front door of the house for the third time in the last five minutes.

"Mom?" Caitlin shouted again from her room where she was reading an article about molecular cloning from the latest issue of her favourite scientific journal. When she didn't get any answer and the person at the door knocked again, Caitlin reluctantly put her journal away and made her way down the stairs.

She had been back for two weeks now and she was still having a hard time to completely adapt back to the slower pace that was her life now. She knew she needed that time off, but she still dearly missed her old life – at S.T.A.R. labs, with Ronnie… She felt her heart squeeze. She missed her fiancé _so_ much.

Caitlin took a deep breath before opening the door and she scowled when she saw who was standing there. "Barry? What are you doing here?"

She hadn't seen him since their small meeting at the park the previous weekend and she had preferred keeping it that way. She needed to heal, and diving back into a relationship with him – romantically or only friendly – was a bad idea, in her opinion. Last time they had tried that, it hadn't gone so great. Besides, she didn't want to cause him any problems with his girlfriend. Not that there was any reason for problems.

"Well, hello to you too grumpy!" Barry replied cheerfully. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Caitlin sighed and pointed behind her with her thumb over her shoulder. "Well, actually, I was getting some work done on an article and I…"

"Perfect." He immediately cut her off. "Let's go then."

Caitlin glared at him. "I just told you I was working." She reminded him.

"I heard you the first time." He waved her comment aside. "Now go get changed and meet me outside."

Caitlin looked down at her current outfit: a neat dark skirt and a white button down shirt – very professional. "What is wrong with what I'm wearing right now?" She asked almost offended by his dismissal.

Barry looked apologetically at her. "Oh you look great, don't worry! But they don't accept high-school-principals where we are going."

"Says the high-school-teacher…" She scowled back at him, not sure if there was a compliment in his statement. "But seriously, I'm in the middle of something. I'm not just going to throw everything away just to follow you god knows where."

"Why not?" Barry shrugged with a crease between his eyebrows, as if he was having a hard time grasping her point. "You used to do that all the time."

Caitlin gave him a warning glare. It wasn't the moment to bring memories from their past relationship. Things were different now. They weren't the same persons. They weren't teenagers anymore. They weren't a couple.

Barry put his hand up in surrender, trying to shield himself from her death glare. "All I'm saying is that you're supposed to take some time off. That's why you're here, right? To take it easy? So follow me. That article will still be here when you'll come back." He put both of his hands on her shoulders and turned her around, pushing her towards the stairs. "Go change, I'll wait for you."

Caitlin reluctantly went up the stairs, grumbling unintelligibly and Barry had to laugh at her antics. She hadn't changed that much either. Sure, from the outside she looked more mature and sure of herself, more adult. She was a beautiful grown woman. But he could feel the shy teenager still hibernating deep inside.

A few minutes later, Caitlin came back down wearing a pair of dark jeans, a red t-shirt with "I'm not a Hero, I'm a Scientist" written in black letters on it (a t-shirt that Cisco had offered her to declare her as his best friend) and a light dark jacket. For her feet, she had pushed aside her high heels, digging an old pair of red Converses out from her closet.

"That's more like it!" Barry cheered as he took her in, his eyes travelling up and down her body, making a slight blush creep up her cheeks. "Now come on, let's go!"

"Where are we even going?" Caitlin huffed as she followed him, gathering all her self-control to chase away that stupid flush off her face.

"I'm not telling you!" He called out behind him as he stepped outside the house, almost jumping up and down on his way to his car.

"Come on, Barry! You know that I hate surprises!" Caitlin whined in annoyance after locking up her front door, watching him get in the vehicle. She rolled her eyes and followed him.

"No you don't." Barry chimed as she got in the car too. Soon, he was pulling away from her house and driving towards the streets of their small town. "You just hate not knowing what's happening. But when you actually see the surprise, you always love it. Because you _didn't know_ what was happening." He teased. "That's the whole point of surprises."

"Whatever." Caitlin mumbled as she settled back against her seat, annoyed that he was actually right. But there was absolutely no way she would let him know that.

Barry glanced at her from the driver's seat and chuckled at her pout. Sometimes he had a hard time imagining that she was that big shot bioengineer / doctor. For him, she still looked like the teenage girl he had fallen in love with. Okay, maybe even prettier.

He shook his head and brought his attention back to the road. About ten minutes later, he pulled over on a huge parking lot at the edge of some trees. A crowd of people was already there.

"Where are we?" Caitlin asked. She had lost their itinerary at some point during the drive trying to organise her thoughts in her head.

It was Barry's turn to pout. "Aw, don't tell me you don't remember!"

Caitlin glanced around again, but this time more intently, knowing she was supposed to recognise the place. There were a lot of people parking where they had stopped and scurrying towards the same place, but Caitlin didn't seem able to understand where. She leaned forward to look through the windshield and that's when she spotted the Ferris wheel above the tree line.

"Oh my god." She suddenly gasped. Caitlin turned to face him with wide eyes. "You didn't!"

Barry beamed at her, loving the little squeal that escaped from her lips. His eyebrows playfully bounced on his forehead. "I did!"

"I had completely forgotten it was that time of the year again!" She exclaimed herself, suddenly very excited.

"See? Told you, you liked surprises!" He gloated.

Caitlin playfully slapped his arm before getting out of the car. "Come on Barry, let's go!"

"Who's in a hurry now?" Barry mumbled, but the huge smile on his face completely contradicted his sarcastic tone.

* * *

_[Twelve Years Ago]_

" _Let's go to the funfair!"_

_Caitlin and Barry were sitting in his car – well his parents' car that he had borrowed for the night – after having dinner in a small restaurant. It was their first date and both teenagers were basically two nervous balls, awkwardly gravitating around the other, not really knowing what to do with themselves. They had met at the beginning of high school and had become close friends really quickly. But there had always been an underlying attraction between them that neither of them had ever dared to voice out. Until end of Sophomore Year when Barry had finally gathered the courage to ask her out in front of her locker between two periods. Caitlin had turned red immediately, before whispering a small "Yes, I'd love to" and had then run to her next class without even looking back, her heart beating way too fast for her own good._

_So here they were, at the beginning of May, on their first date, not knowing where to go after their dinner. They just knew they didn't want their date to end yet._

_Barry frowned. "I thought you didn't want to go…"_

_Caitlin nervously bit her lower lip. "Yeah, but then I saw how disappointed you looked and I also spotted that little sparkle in your eyes when the others told us they were going. So now I want to go because I want you to be that happy dork that I adore. I want to see that little sparkle again."_

_Barry beamed at her. "You're the best, you know that?"_

_Caitlin just shrugged. "I try my best. Now drive, you goof."_

_She didn't need to tell him twice. They arrived to the huge park in a record time and soon they were hurrying out of the car, running towards the entrance like two ten-year-olds. Their first stop was the cotton candy stand and they then hurried towards the Ferris wheel, finishing the sweet as they stood in line. After their ride on the big wheel, they strode across the park, looking with amazement at each attraction, debating on which one looked the coolest._

" _Oh no, no way Barry!" Caitlin protested as he stopped in front of one in particular. Everything was spinning way too much and too fast, she could barely see the people in it. And Barry had a look she knew all too well on his face._

" _Oh come on, pretty pleeeaasse!" He begged stepping right in front of her and giving her his best puppy eyes. "For me?"_

" _Nope, I'm not doing that." She shook her head, turning around to avoid his face._

" _Oh live a little, Snowy!" Barry whined._

_Caitlin's head turned sharply to him and she lifted a warning finger in his direction. "Don't call me Snowy, you know I hate that." She growled._

_Barry chuckled, not impressed. "Oh I know. I also know you're too stubborn to refuse a challenge."_

_Caitlin gasped at him, crossing her arms on her chest and pouting. "That's not fair."_

_Barry beamed at her. "So is that a yes? Perfect, let's go stand in line." He grabbed her arm before she could protest and soon they were getting in a carousel with seats that were spinning way too many times on themselves to be comfortable._

_But they loved it anyway._

_When they stumbled out of it, Barry and Caitlin were both having an uncontrollable fit of laughter. They were bent over the other, impossible to stop their giggles, trying to find back their balance. It was only when Barry ran into a nearby wall that Caitlin sobered up, cupping his face in worry. But Barry was still laughing even though he had hurt himself a bit._

_Caitlin chuckled, made him sit on an old abandoned wooden crate and told him to stand still to make sure he wasn't badly hurt._

" _You're going to be a great doctor one day, you know that?" Barry commented as his laughter died down when he realised how close Caitlin's face actually was from his. "A very, very, pretty doctor." He added silently as she inspected the line of his hair to make sure he wasn't bleeding anywhere._

_Caitlin rolled her eyes but couldn't stop the slight blush appearing on her cheeks. "Yup, I'm pretty sure you've hit your head too hard because you're talking nonsense."_

" _No, I'm serious." He insisted and his tone made Caitlin look down, diving straight into his green eyes._

_And her breath caught in her throat at the intensity she saw in them. She was taken completely by surprise when she felt Barry's hand touch her cheek, his fingers travelling to the back of her neck, bringing her face closer to his to finally connect his lips to hers._

_It took Caitlin a moment before she realised she actually wanted to respond to his kiss. So she fisted his shirt in her hand and brought him closer, deepening the kiss. They were both 16 and inexperienced, it was messy and a bit awkward, but that kiss felt like the best thing in the whole wide world._

" _Wow… Maybe you were right." Barry whispered when they pulled away to catch their breath._

_Caitlin frowned. "What?" She croaked, completely lost and still high from the kiss._

" _Maybe I did hit my head too hard because I think I just kissed you. But it must be an hallucination because I'm pretty sure the real Caitlin Snow would never have allowed me to do that." Barry sighed. "So you're right."_

" _Of course I'm right! I'm Caitlin Snow, I'm always right!" She playfully hit him on his chest with the back of her hand, before grabbing his shirt again. "Now come here, smooth talker." She whispered before pulling on his shirt, bringing their lips back together._

_He stood up without breaking the kiss, making her moan at the change of angle, and he circled his arms around her frame, holding her close to him. The feeling of him smiling in her kiss made her heart soar and Caitlin was convinced it was the best moment of her life. She obviously didn't know how great it was to be Barry Allen's girlfriend yet._

* * *

"So tell me, Barry, why aren't you here with your girlfriend?" Caitlin asked while stealing a pinch of the cotton candy he had bought for the both of them.

"Hum… I told you Patty was a cop, right? Well she's actually on supervision duty for the funfair tonight." Barry answered before taking a mouthful of cotton candy, leaving a trail of sugar on his lips.

Caitlin acted before thinking and grabbed the tissue he had in his hand to swipe away the sugar he had on his lips. She stopped when she realised what she was actually doing and blushed furiously. "Sorry." She mumbled. But Barry just chuckled and she soon joined him. After that, they continued walking through the crowd.

They weren't used to being friend and they hadn't been like that in a long time. There was an invisible line between them, tempting them to fall back into old habits but warning them not to cross it.

A loud silence floated around them as they passed by the exact spot where they had shared their very first kiss and many more after that. They both knew the other was thinking about it, but neither of them dared to speak about it. It wasn't as if there was much to say anyway.

It was old history now.

"Speak of the devil."

Caitlin frowned and turned to look in the same direction as Barry. There, she saw a few cops making their round. She immediately spotted the only woman among them. She also recognised Eddie and Joe West with her. The blond woman – Caitlin guessed it was Patty – seemed to feel the stare and turned around, beaming as soon as she saw Barry. She said a few words to Eddie before making her way towards Barry and Caitlin.

"Hey you!" The blond woman swiftly hugged and pecked her boyfriend on the lips.

Barry smiled back and introduced the two women. "Caitlin, this is my girlfriend Patty. Patty this is Caitlin."

The young cop smiled brightly at the young doctor, thrusting her hand between them for Caitlin to shake. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Snow. I've heard so many great things about you." Patty motioned towards Barry. "That guy is crazy about you." She continued cheerfully. "I'm glad you came back here."

Caitlin gaped, frozen in surprise at the young woman's good mood and excitement about her being back in Ryker Neve. Had she realised what she had just said?

Caitlin took a hold of herself and smiled back, shaking Patty's hand. She was completely taken by surprise, again, when the cop pulled on her hand and gave her a friendly hug. Maybe that woman was just really confident about her relationship and really nice to people.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Patty." The doctor replied with an unsure smile on her lips as they broke the hug. "And please, call me Caitlin."

Patty hopped on her feet like a little girl before nodding towards her colleagues waiting for her. "Anyway. I have to go back, duty calls! Enjoy the cotton candy and don't drink too much kids." And she turned around. "See ya'!"

Barry and Caitlin watched her walk away in silence.

"She's pretty great, right?" Barry finally asked giddily when they lost Patty from their eyesight.

Caitlin narrowed her eyes on the spot where his girlfriend had been a few moments ago. Something wasn't sitting right with the young doctor. That greeting had been way too friendly.

Suddenly, Caitlin's eyes went round in surprise, as something seemed to dawn on her. She turned to face Barry, hands firmly sitting on her hips, a deep frown on her face, her lower lip trapped between her teeth and a slight squint hovering over her eyes. "You didn't tell her, did you?" She carefully inquired.

"Tell her what?" It was Barry's turn to frown, even if he had a good idea about what she was talking about.

Caitlin rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest. "About us. Dating in high school."

Barry sheepishly looked down at his feet. "I may have left that out."

"Barry!" Caitlin exclaimed, uncrossing her arms in bewilderment.

"What?! What was I supposed to say?" Barry retorted defensively. "That the girl I thought was the love of my life came back to town and that I really wanted to catch up with her because I missed her?" He shook his head, letting a nervous laugh escape. "Yeah because that would've gone just great! Patty may be trustful, adorable and incredibly nice," he threw his hand on his right, showing the place where Patty had stood a few moments ago, "but even she wouldn't have been _that_ okay with it."

Caitlin flinched at the word 'thought' and tried to ignore the pinch in her heart. He had thought she was the love of his life. In the past. As in: he didn't think it anymore. But she couldn't really hold it against him. She had also moved on, with Ronnie. But there had been a time where she had also considered Barry as the love of her life.

Twice in her life she had thought she had found the love her life. And twice she had lost that person. And now she felt kind of empty. She was probably running out of love of her life to find. And that was a sad thought for a 28-year-old woman.

"You should have told her. You have to tell her!" She replied, pushing away the dark thoughts that had the potential of ruining a perfectly fine evening. "Because sooner or later, she's going to find out and, believe me, she'll be mad at you. It's probably best if she finds out from you." She advised him, her right eyebrow perfectly arched up. "Let's admit that basically the whole town knows about us, we weren't exactly a secret, were we?"

"You're right." Barry sighed, his shoulders slightly slumping down.

"Of course I'm right! I'm Caitlin Snow, I'm always right!" She exclaimed, a smile stretching her lips, remembering saying those exact same words on their first date.

Barry chuckled, making his shoulders tremble. "Come on, let's enjoy the rest of the night, I'll deal with Patty later." He playfully pushed her forward to make her walk in the direction he wanted to go and she replied with a shoulder bump, making both of them laugh.

It felt good, the two of them, like that. It took Caitlin's mind off the painful things that had been living in her head for the past few weeks. And for the first time in the past 9 months, she felt like she could actually enjoy herself again. She felt like her smile was honest.

She probably owed that to Barry.

And as soon as she'll realise that, she'll probably freak out.

But for now, she just enjoyed herself.


	5. Someday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's a bit of swearing in this (but nothing out of proportions). Enjoooyy!
> 
> (FYI, parts in italics are flashbacks)

" _I drive all night just to see your face  
The way you touch, the way you taste.  
Even if only for a day  
Coz I'll come back to you someday_

_I'll speak the truth, it's all I know_   
_As your tears fall to the snow_   
_We both know, tonight that I can't stay_   
_But I'll come back to you someday"_

_"Someday – Bryan Greenberg"_

* * *

"Do you still live at your dad's?" She asked curiously.

They were back in his car, right in front of her house, after spending the whole evening at the funfair. They had a blast; there was no way she would deny that. She had felt like a kid again. And it had brought so many good memories back. After their first date there, Barry and Caitlin had considered the funfair as their magical place. All year long, they would wait patiently for that weekend in the beginning of May where the attractions and the music would appear out of nowhere, and they would practically spend the whole weekend there. And they would take advantage of it to celebrate their anniversary.

Coming back all those years later had made her feel like they had never really been apart for so long. And for a moment, all of her worries were forgotten. For a moment, guilt didn't catch up with her.

Barry shook his head. "No, he insisted that I find my own place. I was a bit reluctant at the beginning; I didn't want to leave him alone. But he was right. I couldn't live with him all my life. So I moved out."

Caitlin nodded with an understanding smile on her lips. "And your dad?"

"He sold the house. He couldn't bear living in that house alone with all the memories." Barry explained. "So he bought the apartment just above his medical practice."

"I liked that house." Caitlin whispered. "I've got so many good memories that took place there." She didn't know what made her say that – because, _of course_ , all those memories involved Barry. Maybe it was the fact that they were getting closer, finding their friendship again, bathing in all those great memories at the park or maybe she just wanted to be honest with him, not holding anything back. Like they had always been.

"Yeah, me too." Barry replied as softly, slightly wistfully. "I still remember the day you showed up unannounced after 2 years of radio silence."

Caitlin chuckled. "Yeah, can't say I regret doing that." She murmured, getting lost in her past again.

* * *

_[Eight Years Ago]_

_Caitlin was walking along the streets of Ryker Neve_ _without any precise destination. College life had been crazy and she had come back here barely half a dozen of times in the two years since she had left. And each time not more than a small weekend, limiting her occupations to her house and her family. But today, for once, she could allow herself to simply walk around the town. And without even thinking about it, her feet led her straight to his house._

_She swore she hadn't planned it. But maybe, deep down inside, she was craving to see his face again, itching to touch him again, yearning to meet his green eyes again. And she didn't regret it one bit when she saw him looking up from where he was sitting on the front steps of his house, reading some documents – probably university work – as she approached. As soon as he recognised her, he closed the file he had in his hands, put it away and stood up._

" _Caitlin?"_

_It was amazing how the sound of his voice always made her heart flutter even after two years of separation. "Hi Barry." She whispered. And without thinking twice about it, she ran into his opened arms, immediately burying her face in the crook of his neck, getting a long whiff of his scent. A scent she had dearly missed._

_The hug was a bit too tight and lasted a bit too long to be strictly friendly. After all, they hadn't been friends the last time they had seen each other. When they pulled away, they both blushed a little and Caitlin bit her lower lip, attracting his eyes to it._

" _How are you? How long are you staying? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" He was speaking way too fast to be unaffected by her presence here. She always had had that effect on him. It was either that or stuttering. He didn't know which one was worst._

_Caitlin burst out laughing and she gave him a slight tap on his chest with the back of her hand. "Real smooth, Allen."_

_Barry just shrugged. "So?" He still wanted that answer._

_Caitlin decided to make him sweat a bit. "Well, I'm really good these days. I just finished my exams for this semester last week and I finally have a few days off. What about you?"_

_He scowled at her, knowing exactly that she was stalling. "I'm glad everything is good for you. For me too." Barry replied quickly. "Oh, and by the way, I'm single." He added innocently with a wink._

" _Oh, you are, are you?" She teased, raising a suggestive eyebrow, making him groan. Caitlin finally put him out of his misery, smiling sweetly at him. "I'm not seeing anyone either."_

_His lips stretched into a wide grin, making her heart miss a beat, and he took a step forward but didn't touch her yet. "Perfect. How long are you staying?"_

" _Four days." Caitlin replied softly._

_His face fell a little. He had expected this kind of answer, but he had hoped it would've been a bit longer. "Hum… So I guess the 'If in a few years we call each other and we still feel the same way, then maybe we can talk about it' doesn't apply to now?" Barry repeated the words she had given him two years ago as she was breaking up with him. "Four days is too short, right?" He asked, trying to see how she felt about it, but looking away at the same time, afraid of her answer._

_Caitlin bit her lower lip again and shrugged. "Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music?"_

_Barry's surprised eyes flew up to meet hers and he frowned. "Are you still watching 'One Tree Hill'?"_

_They used to watch that show together when it first came out. Well Caitlin had insisted to watch it and he had always indulged her because he had been completely whipped. And he had secretly loved it. But ever since they had broken up, he had stopped following the show that would've been in its fifth or sixth season by now._

" _Guilty…" Caitlin grinned up at him with a slight blush on her cheeks. "And there's a rerun of the third season that fits perfectly with my study breaks."_

_He shook his head. "Come here, you dork." Barry chuckled before grabbing her by the waist and bringing her back against his body. She still fit perfectly against him. He dived in and kissed her before she could pull away – not that she wanted to anyway – his boldness totally taking her by surprise. He kissed her as if he had waited a lifetime for this. He kissed her like he didn't want to think about the consequences of his actions._

_So she did the same. Her hands flew up to attach themselves around his neck and she rose on her tiptoes to minimise the space between them to a maximum._

_And it felt as if they had never stopped kissing. They still knew what made the other moan, what made them deepen a kiss, when it was time to take a breathing break and when it was time to dive back in…_

_It felt like they were whole again. And they both knew there wouldn't be much talking in the next couple of hours…_

* * *

Caitlin looked out of the car window to her house. The porch light was on but the rest of the house was dark. Her mother had probably left it on before going to bed, for her daughter to safely find her way back. "Okay, I should go. Thanks for tonight, I had fun."

Barry waved her comment aside. "Psh, don't mention it. That's what friends are here for, right?"

Caitlin glanced back at Barry with a raised eyebrow. "Is that what we are? Friends?" Guilt was suddenly taking hold of her, making her think she had no right to have fun when Ronnie couldn't anymore. Punishing herself for even thinking about her past relationship with Barry. Making her regret feeling so many things in Barry's presence when she was supposed to mourn.

Barry frowned. "Yes, a least that's what I thought we were. Didn't you?"

Caitlin shrugged and looked away from him, not sure she could say her next words while staring at him. "I don't know… I'm just not sure it's a good idea."

"Why not?" He almost fumed, not understanding where it was coming from. Everything had gone great until now.

"Let's be honest Barry, you and I haven't been friends in a long time." She pointed out. "And even when we were, we wanted more from each other. We've spent more time as a couple than as real friends. I'm not sure I even remember what it's like – us being _just_ friends."

"For real?" He squealed, his voice always going towards the higher notes when he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "It doesn't mean we can't be friends now!"

"Plus," Caitlin continued, still not looking in his direction, ignoring his comment, "last time I came back to town and we really hung out together it didn't really go as planned, did it?"

"Last time was different and you perfectly know that, Caitlin!" Barry suddenly snapped, his higher voice replaced by a low growl. His anger took her by surprise and she found herself looking back at him to see if he looked as mad as he sounded.

He did.

"I know what you're doing." He continued with a hard voice. "I know you. You're turning cold because you're afraid of getting hurt. So you're shutting me out. You don't want to let me in."

Caitlin rolled her eyes, not liking his tone. "Oh please," she hissed, "it has been 10 years, Barry! How can you possibly say that you know me?"

"Eight!" He almost shouted. "It has been 8 years, as you perfectly corrected me the other day! You and I both know we could never forget those 4 special days we spent together." She opened her mouth but he stopped her before she could say a single word. "And don't pull out that crap about every single cell of the body being replaced every 7 years and being literally another person. I'm not in the mood for some smart-ass comment."

Caitlin looked wide-eyed at him. She had rarely had the occasion to see him that mad. She usually was the most hot-blooded from the both of them. "How did you…?"

"I _know_ you, Cait." Barry whispered, his voice now barely a whisper and so strained it made her heart squeeze.

The young doctor closed her eyes and shook her head. "Whatever." The cold in her voice made a chill run up Barry's spine. "I think it's best if we leave things as they are now. You have a girlfriend and I'm trying to move on from my dead fiancé." She made a pause to take a deep breath. "Bringing us into the mix will just complicate things. I won't stay here indefinitely anyway, so there's no need for us to hang out. I'll spare you the goodbyes."

And with that last comment, Caitlin stepped out of the car and almost ran to her house, not once glancing back to Barry – she didn't want him to see her teary eyes. But if she did, she would've seen him hitting his head repeatedly against the steering wheel of his car, cursing himself.

* * *

" _Why don't you come back with me to Central City?"_

_They were both laying in bed, tangled limbs and messy hair, with a simple sheet thrown over their bodies, not a stitch of clothes between them. Caitlin had her head against his chest, her fingers drawing random patterns on it and he was trailing his hand up and down her back._

_They had spent 4 glorious days since she had appeared in front of his house, almost every second together, making up for lost time. Majority of it had been spent in the bedroom, but they had also enjoyed their free time around the small town, blissfully ignoring that this was temporary_ _– though they were both very aware of it. And now, her stay was coming to an end and Caitlin was dreading the moment they would have to say goodbye. Again._

_Because even after spending all this perfect time with him, she hadn't changed her mind. She didn't see them going anywhere as a couple if they weren't in the same city. Though this time, she was less okay with her decision as she had been a couple of years ago. She loved him – had never stopped – and she wanted to do everything so that they could stay together._

_That was her state of mind when a new idea had popped into her head as she was recuperating from a long and perfect moment in his bed, in his arms._

_Barry's hand stopped in the middle of her back at her question. "What?" He croaked._

_Caitlin put her hand flat on his chest, pushing herself up a bit to meet his eyes. "Come with me to Central City." She repeated, her voice cheerful. "The University is great and I'm sure that, with your academic transcript, you would have no problems getting in to finish your degree there. I'll even help you with all the transfer's paperwork." She explained, so excited by her brand new idea that she didn't spot the pained look that had appeared on Barry's face. "I know your University is good too, but you said it yourself, it's not really what you had expected it to be. Why don't you try the Central City University?" She continued oblivious to his state of mind. "And then we could stay together." She finished, almost out of breath, finally stopping long enough to read his features._

_Barry had closed his eyes, clenched his teeth and raised his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. Caitlin frowned, her excitement immediately dying down._

" _Barry?" She timidly called out._

_He let his hand fall back to his side and slowly opened his eyes to look at her worried face. "I dropped out of college." He finally admitted._

_Caitlin was taken aback by his confession. She pulled back, sitting on the bed but still facing him. The sheet fell, revealing her glorious naked body to his eyes. Hadn't he been so distraught by their conversation, he would have gladly taken advantage of the situation._

" _What do you mean, you dropped out of college?" She sternly inquired very slowly, not liking what he was telling her._

_All of a sudden, Barry got angry at her tone and sat up on the bed too, leaning back against the headboard. "Well, exactly what it means, Caitlin! I stopped going this semester, I'm not enrolled anymore." He replied with a patronising voice._

_Caitlin gaped at him. Oh she was pissed. Swiftly, she stood up from his bed, grabbed the first t-shirt she found to put it on, shielding her body away from his gaze. She didn't catch the hurt twitch that ran on his face. Caitlin stood in front of the bed, one hand on her hip, the other pointing at him. "Don't talk to me like that, Barry." She warned him. "Why did you give up on your studies? Becoming a forensic scientist was your dream! And why the hell did you have to wait four fucking days to tell me about it?!"_

_Barry winced. There were only two situations in which Caitlin Snow swore: when she was naked in bed and when she was really, really, angry. It didn't take a genius to know which situation she was currently in._

" _Oh no, you don't get to be mad at me for this." Barry replied, getting angrier too, slightly raising his voice. A few minutes ago everything had been almost perfect for a moment and now everything was falling apart. Again._

_Except this time they were a bit older, they had lived apart for two years, they had seen the big world outside their small town and they were more passionate._

_He threw his legs over the side of the bed to sit on its edge, grabbed his boxers and slid them on. "You haven't been in my life for the past two years. And it was your choice – remember?" He continued without looking at her, avoiding her eyes at all costs as his voice got harder. "You don't get to come here and expect everything to be as it used to."_

" _You're right." Caitlin sighed and he felt her anger lower down. His words had stung, but she couldn't really blame him. He was right. "But I did that so we could both do what we dreamed about. What was the point of it if you just abandoned?" Her voice cracked and she saw his shoulders and head slump down. His silence told her there was a good reason behind his actions. He wouldn't have just dropped out of college on a whim._

_Caitlin slowly made her way to where he was sitting at the edge of his bed. She nudged his legs apart so that she could stand between them and cupped his jaw with her hands to lift his face so that he could look at her. Automatically, his hands went to her hips._

" _Would you please talk to me Barry? What happened?" Caitlin asked very softly._

_She saw his eyes welling up and before the tears could trail down his cheeks, Barry buried his face against her belly, wetting her shirt in the process. "Barry…" She breathed out painfully, as she ran her hands through his hair while he encircled her body with his arms, bringing her closer to him. Caitlin had forgotten how painful it was to see someone you loved hurting that much. Seeing him in that state was breaking her heart all over again._

_They stayed like this for a long moment. Barry sitting on his bed, Caitlin standing between his legs, his face pressed against her belly, her hands buried in his hair, sobs floating around them and soothing sounds coming out from Caitlin's lips. She wouldn't push him to talk, she knew he would eventually. So she waited.  
_

" _My mother is sick." Barry whispered against her shirt as his sobs calmed down._

_Caitlin gasped at the news._

" _My mother is dying…" He continued before she could say anything. "So I dropped out of college to spend the time she has left with her and to take care of my father when she'll be gone."_

_So his parents weren't travelling Europe as he had told her when she had asked him where they were. They were probably stuck in the hospital. And it wasn't university work he had had in his hands four days ago, it had been his mother's medical files._

_Caitlin dropped down onto her knees to be at eye level with him. She softly framed his face with her hands, making him look at her. "Oh Barry…" She whispered. "I'm so,_ so _sorry."_

_Barry revelled in the feeling of her soft skin against his cheeks. "It's not your fault, Cait." He croaked, closing his eyes, fishing strength out of her touch._

_Caitlin shook her head. "No, but I acted like a bitch."_

_A slight chuckle made his whole body tremble, breaking some of the tension. That was the last thing he had expected her to say in a moment like this. His eyes fluttered open and he got lost in her hazel-brown eyes. "Don't worry, I should've told you." He murmured. "I just wanted to feel normal for a few days. Like none of it was true. Like we never left for college. Like we never broke up."_

_Caitlin bit her lower lip and nodded. She perfectly understood what he was telling her. She, herself, had acted as if the breakup had never happened, as if she was simply coming home for a long weekend, enjoying her time with her boyfriend. But they had to come back down to reality._

" _What does she have?" She finally asked, the future doctor inside of her wanting to know if she could actually help him. Even though she knew she was pretty much as helpless as he was._

" _Breast cancer… And it's not looking good Cait…" He choked on his words, the sobs starting anew._

" _Oh god, come here Barry." She brought his head to the crook of her neck, tightly hugging him between her arms, before moving them back to his bed so that they could lie together, Caitlin on her back and Barry snuggled tightly against her, finding comfort in her presence._

_And they stayed like that for what felt like eternity._


	6. Feeling A Moment

" _Turning to face what you've become,  
Buried the ashes of someone  
Broken by the strain  
Trying to fill that space inside  
Am I just like you?  
All the things you do - can't help myself"_

_"Feeling a Moment – Feeder"_

* * *

Caitlin let a hand rub her face before grabbing her cup of coffee to take a sip of it. She momentarily closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of the warm liquid travelling down her pharynx and then oesophagus. She put her cup away and looked back down at her computer resting on her lap.

Caitlin was currently sitting on the swaying bench on the porch of her mother's house, enjoying the first hours of the day when the sun wasn't that hot yet and that everything was pretty much silent.

Well silent until a car approached and stopped right in front of the house. Caitlin glanced at it before going back to typing on her laptop. She didn't look up as she heard footsteps join her on the front porch and stand next to her.

"Caity, what are you doing?"

The voice almost surprised her. Caitlin finally paid attention to her visitor. "Oh hi Charlie! Sorry I was kind of caught up with what I was doing." She smiled at her brother.

Charlie frowned. "And what is it that you're doing precisely?"

"Hum? Huh… I'm just… doing stuff… on Internet…" Caitlin slightly blushed, looking back to her computer, avoiding her brother's eyes.

The crease in-between Charlie's eyebrows deepened in a real Snow-way. "Hum… should I be worried?"

"Huh?" Her eyes flew back up to meet his and widened as she read his face and finally understood what he was referring to. "Ew no! Charlie!" Caitlin exclaimed.

Her brother's shoulders slumped down in relief. He had no interest in imagining his big sister in any context that would ruin the saint image he had of her. But then he realised what she was probably doing and sent her a disapproving and disappointed look. "Oh don't tell me you're working!"

"Am not!" She quickly replied in a high voice, trying her best to defend herself.

But Charlie knew his sister all too well. "Caitlin…" He trailed off, increasing his disapproving face.

"Okay fine!" Caitlin reluctantly admitted. "But it's just a small thing…"

He threw his hands in the air in despair. "You've got to be kidding me. It's 9 in the morning. On a Sunday! What is wrong with you?"

"Hey!" She shouted back. "There's nothing wrong in getting some work done in the morning."

Charlie let out a chuckle as he rolled his eyes at her – a reaction she had taught him while growing up. "You don't even have a job anymore! What can you possibly be working on?

"You don't have to be rude about it…" Caitlin scowled at him. "I may have kept the files of the research I was doing at S.T.A.R. labs and Cisco sent me the last updates."

Her brother huffed in annoyance, but he knew better than to fight against her. He may be stubborn, but his sister was way more stubborn than him and had always the last word. So the only way to get her away from this was to suggest something else to do. "Okay but I brought some breakfast so let's put all of this away and enjoy some family time with mom." He offered her his hand to grab. "Come on."

Caitlin lifted one finger as to say '1 minute'. "Just let me finish that one thing."

"Would you put your computer down?" He groaned, but finally took a seat next to her, taking a breath. He was really worried for her. "Caitlin, I didn't make you come back home so that you could keep working on your ex-job. You're supposed to relax and take it easy in order to deal with everything that happened…"

Caitlin sighed, closing her laptop and slightly turning to face her brother next to her, laying a hand on his thigh. "I know… and I'm grateful, Charlie, believe me. I'm also trying to relax and move on but it's not that easy. I'm not really used to having all that free time to myself. So I guess I also need time to adjust to that."

Charlie nodded, understanding her point. "I can't say I know what you're going through, but I'm here for you, Caity."

Caitlin bit her lower lip to keep herself from bursting into tears. She loved her brother so much and she kind of hated herself from not regularly keeping in touch with him while she had been in Central City. "Thanks little bro." She playfully replied, messing with his hair just to annoy him.

Charlie chuckled and chased her hand away before turning serious again. "And I think that the first step towards moving on would be to take off that engagement ring of yours…"

Caitlin's breath caught in her throat. She hadn't been expecting to hear that. Her eyes travelled down to her left hand where her ring was still present and heavy on her finger. She knew he was right, but taking the ring off had a finality to it that she wasn't sure she was ready to cope with.

"I know…" She breathed out with a shy nod.

Charlie put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Come on, let's eat some breakfast with mom. And you can even make me some hot chocolate like you always used to."

Caitlin gave him a faint smile and followed him, giving him a side hug when he let his arm rest around her shoulders as they made their way inside the house, laptop forgotten on the bench.

* * *

Caitlin was pacing restlessly in her room, cursing endlessly.

Her little brother had gone behind her back and had stolen the battery charger of her laptop. Well, she hadn't exactly seen him do it, but she would bet her doctor title that it was him. She had seen him wander around her room the day before. And now, she was left with a free afternoon and no battery in her laptop to do any work. She had gone running to take some air and then taken a shower. But she had still so much time she didn't know what to do next.

She went to her shelves and let her fingers run along the books that were standing there. She smiled as she remembered almost all of the stories they were protecting. But these were teenagers' books and as much as she had loved them, she didn't really want to read them now.

Caitlin huffed in annoyance as she went back to her desk, checking one last time that her laptop really didn't have any battery left and that her charger wasn't lying somewhere random in her room. She came up empty again. And then a small envelope caught her attention.

It was her invitation to the high school "10 years after" reunion. She was really _not_ looking forward to that but she knew she would regret it if she didn't go. Maybe it would do her some good to see some old faces.

Caitlin played a bit with the invitation before her eyes fell on the bottom sentence: "Formal attire required". She kinked her brow. She had absolutely no idea what she was going to wear to that reunion. She hadn't really thought about formal-party attire when she came back here.

She tapped her finger on her lower lip as she mentally went through her old wardrobe. She remembered that red dress she had bought as a teenager. She had just worn it a couple of times and she wondered if it still fit.

She went to her closet and looked around for a while. She realised how different her teenager clothing style had been from her current style. It had been way more casual and also really comfortable. She hadn't been part of those girls always making sure their outfits were on point. She had been more the kind that would grab a t-shirt, some jeans and a pair of Converses, and would be more than satisfied with it.

In the middle of her search, she found an old pair of jeans. She knew exactly which pair it was. Caitlin took it out of the closet and unfolded the pants she had in her hands. She smiled as she found the holes in both knees where time had consumed the fabric. These used to be her favourite pair of jeans and her mother had always tried to throw them away because they were old and ripped and it wasn't what a young lady was supposed to wear.

But Caitlin was already stubborn at the time and she had done everything in her power to keep them, to protect them. She had even hidden them for a while, in hopes that her mother would forget about them.

A ghost of a smile crept up her lips at the memories. She turned the pants around to see if she could still remember where each hole was. That's when something fell out of the back pocket.

Caitlin frowned before kneeling down to pick up what had fallen. Her breath caught when she recognised what it was. Very carefully, she turned the old photograph around and stared at her own face. But that wasn't the reason why breathing had become suddenly hard.

The photo showed 17 year old Caitlin, sitting at a desk in the high school library, looking straight into the camera with a wide smile stretching her lips. The reason for that beaming face was none other than Barry Allen standing right behind her, bending over with his arms around her, his head pressed against hers. Caitlin's eyes wandered from his smirk to her own hands resting lovingly on his arms. She remembered that day like it was yesterday.

* * *

_Caitlin pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers and let her hand trail down her face, hoping that it would help her chase away the weariness. She heard a huff of annoyance and she looked up at her friend sitting opposite to her at the library's table. Iris was hunched over her history book, both elbows firmly on the surface of the table and both hands buried deep in her hair, as if she was seconds away from ripping her hair out._

_Caitlin chuckled and Iris glared at her. "Don't laugh."_

_But Caitlin couldn't help the smile on her lips. They were a few weeks away from their finals and most of their time was spent in the library, trying to get some work done. But sometimes it was simply too much._

_Caitlin shook her head and went back to her chemistry book. She managed to concentrate for about ten minutes before something – someone to be more precise – interrupted her. She slightly jumped on her seat when she felt two hands softly squeezing her shoulders. But she immediately relaxed when she recognised him._

_She didn't really know how, but she could always tell it was him, without even seeing him. Maybe it was because they spent so much time touching that she could tell his touch apart from any other. Or maybe they were spending so much time together that she could pick up his scent in a crowd without even realising it._

_Or maybe it was just because he was him and she was her._

_His hands travelled down from her shoulders to cross each other just above her breasts. Each hand reached his opposite elbow and it was as if he was locking her in between his arms. She felt his chest pressing against her back and a smile stretched her lips when his head came resting next to hers._

" _Hey beautiful." Barry murmured in her ear and Caitlin had to close her eyes to calm her heartbeat down._

" _Hey stranger." She whispered back._

_He chuckled, making his whole body tremble against hers. In that moment, all she wanted was to be in his room – or in hers, it didn't actually matter – so that she could cuddle with him and just lay in his arms. Not in the middle of the library, with the back of her chair between the both of them._

" _What are you doing?"_

_Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious? I'm training for the town's marathon."_

" _Oh you're funny." He teased back._

_Caitlin shrugged before slightly turning her head to look into his green eyes. "What are you doing here anyway?"_

_Barry leaned forward, softly rubbing his nose against hers. "I missed you." He replied with that low voice that she had expressly asked him not to use in public. Because it always made her mind wander to private moments where it was just the two of them. Caitlin closed her eyes and let out a pained sigh escape her lips. It physically hurt not being able to really show him what he did to her right now. They had been a couple for almost two years now and she didn't think she had ever been so much in love with him. And she felt like every day she loved him more than the day before._

_He was her everything._

_Her hands travelled up to touch him, one closing in on his wrist, the other going to his elbow, her fingers grazing his hand laying just under._

" _Hey guys, look up."_

_The couple looked up at Iris in synch, both with furrowed brows. Their faces soon relaxed when they saw that Iris had her Polaroid camera in her hands aiming straight at them. Their friend had gotten her that camera for her last birthday and was now completely obsessed with it. She took it with her absolutely everywhere and told them she would never get rid of it. Iris was convinced that, in the future, when she'd be a famous reporter, she would take photos with that same camera for her articles._

_Iris grinned at them and snapped the picture. She took the Polaroid and shook it a bit. She glanced at it before handing it to Caitlin. "There you go."_

" _Thanks." Caitlin mouthed back, not wanting to disturb the people studying around them. They were already making enough noise as it was._

_Caitlin looked at the photo and immediately fell in love with it. They looked happy. You couldn't see any trace of stress or tiredness on their faces. You couldn't see the inner turmoil going inside Caitlin at the idea of soon finishing high school – she was both really excited and absolutely terrified about it._

_But those thoughts went away when Barry looked at the picture over her shoulder and whispered in her ear: "You keep it."_

_Caitlin slightly turned her head to look at him. "You sure?" She inquired._

_Barry nodded. "Yeah, don't worry. Besides, we have our personal paparazzi." He gestured towards Iris. "I'll get the next one." He winked at Caitlin, making her heart flutter._

" _Thanks." She murmured._

_Barry gave her his most knee buckling grin. "Okay, I have to go or I'll be late for practice. Again. See you later, Cait."_

" _You go run, track boy. I'll see you later." Caitlin smirked and Barry shook his head in amusement before dropping a peck to her lips. And then he left, leaving a wide smile on Caitlin's face. She wasn't sure she'd be able to concentrate again after that. She looked up at her friend and blushed furiously when she saw the all-knowing smile on Iris' face. Caitlin let out a nervous giggle before going back to her books, trying to get Barry out of her head. It was pretty much a waste of time._

_Caitlin never thought she would, one day, be that much in love._

* * *

Caitlin couldn't stop staring at that old crumpled photograph in her hand. She tried to soothe the creases away, but it was a more than ten-year-old Polaroid that she had carried around in the back pocket of her pants and shorts for the whole summer after graduation and even during the first semester of college. Everything had been pretty much perfect at the time that picture had been taken. Well except the finals coming up, the approaching of college, the fear of the unknown, the doubts about her future and her teenager's insecurities… Anyway, between Barry and her, everything had been really good at that time.

Unlike right now. She hadn't heard from him in the few days since their little getaway to the funfair and their fight in his car. But she hadn't reached out to him either, she didn't want to. Barry was completely right, she was absolutely terrified of letting him in again. Caitlin knew she wouldn't be able to handle loosing him once more – because let's be honest, that's how it always seemed to go between the both of them.

Looking at the photograph, Caitlin surprised herself by missing that connection they used to have. But she didn't miss high school – that was for sure. She had discovered the real world out there and she had grown way more confident in the past years – she had no intention of going back to her anxious-teenage-self. Well, that was until she had lost her fiancé and got betrayed by her mentor… Until she had lost faith in herself again…

Caitlin put the photograph on her dresser before turning her attention back to her old pair of jeans. She had brought them back to Central City at the beginning of College, carrying that picture around with her. But after the first semester, she had decided to straighten up her wardrobe a bit and put away the ripped jeans. So she had brought them back to Ryker Neve, the photograph forgotten in the back pocket.

"So I heard you needed a date for some high school reunion."

Caitlin let out a high shriek, letting the pants fall down to the floor. She turned around to face the person that had surprised her. She glared at him and laid a hand on her heart to try to soothe it from the shock.

"Cisco! You scared the crap out of me!" She protested. But soon, she forgot all about her almost heart attack and ran to her best friend, gathering him into a hug. "What are you doing here?"

Cisco beamed proudly at her, happy that his surprise had worked. "Your little brother called yesterday to rip me a new one because I sent you those documents from S.T.A.R. labs."

Caitlin's lips stretched wide to form a grimace, showing her teeth. "Oops, sorry."

He pushed her apology aside with a hand movement. "Anyway, he told me you had that high school reunion this weekend and you were thinking about not going. I'm here to force you to go and I'll be your date."

"Cisco, you didn't have to…"

"Oh believe me, I know," he stopped her, "but I wanted to! You really think I would let an occasion like this pass by?" Caitlin kinked her eyebrows at him so he explained himself with a wide grin. "Imagine all the embarrassing stories about teenage-Caitlin I'll be able to gather in a party like this!"

The young doctor rolled her eyes at him. "Of course you wouldn't want to miss _that_ …"

"Exactly." He nodded his head excitedly, wide grin still in place. "Now come on, I want to hear all about what happened in the three weeks you've been here already. And I heard you could make a killer hot chocolate. I'm kind of offended you never made me try before."

Caitlin lips curled up as she followed her best friend out of her room, her jeans and the old Polaroid forgotten behind her.


	7. Long Live

" _I said remember this feeling  
I pass the pictures around  
Of all the years that we stood there  
On the side-lines wishing for right now  
We are the Kings and the Queens  
You traded your baseball cap for a crown  
When they gave us our trophies  
And we held them up for our town  
And the cynics were outraged  
Screaming, "This is absurd!"_

_Cause for a moment a band of thieves_   
_In ripped up jeans got to rule the world"_

_"Long Live – Taylor Swift"_

* * *

_[10 Years Ago]_

_Caitlin picked up her phone as it rang for the third time. "Hello?"_

" _Hey Cait, sorry for bothering you," Barry's panicked voice replied, "I know you wanted to study but I really need your help right now."_

" _Barry? What's going on?" Caitlin asked, suddenly very worried for her boyfriend, dropping the pen she had in her hand on her desk._

" _What colour is your prom dress?" He inquired very seriously._

" _Wh… What?" Caitlin stuttered._

_Barry let out a small huff of annoyance. "Your dress. For our prom. What colour is it?"_

" _Hum… Why?" She frowned._

" _Well, because we need to match, silly." He chirped, his anxiety momentarily disappearing. Not for long though as he continued speaking with a strained voice. "I'm at the store right now to pick out a suit and I have no idea what you're going to wear."_

" _Oh because we're going together, are we now?" Caitlin asked playfully, raising her right eyebrow even though he couldn't see her._

_There was a long pause on the other side of the line. "Damn it!" Barry suddenly swore and she could hear him face-palming himself. "I forgot to ask you, didn't I?"_

_Caitlin giggled and rolled her eyes. "Yup."_

" _Arrg, I'm so dumb! How could I forget?" He berated himself. "Well I think it's pretty obvious that I want to go with you, since you're my girlfriend and all of that…"_

_Caitlin's heart swelled, at the sound of him calling her his girlfriend. Sure they had reached their 2 years anniversary, but it still did funny things to her heart. And she wouldn't give anything to make it stop_

" _But I still wanted to ask you in a special way…" Barry continued. "I guess I just got caught up with high school and the track team and…"_

" _Barry." Caitlin softly cut him off. "Don't worry. Of course I'll go with you. Now I really need to go back to my chemistry protocol."_

" _Yeah sure, I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot." Barry mumbled._

" _True." Caitlin admitted and heard him groan. "But you're my idiot and I love you."_

_She heard him sigh in contentment – as if he was relieved to hear her say that – and her heart fluttered again._

" _Oh and by the way, my dress is dark blue." She added with a huge grin on her lips._

_Barry glanced at the dark blue suit he had picked up before calling her and a matching grin appeared on his lips. "Cool, thanks Cait. I love you too. Good luck with chemistry."_

" _Thanks. See you later, knucklehead."_

* * *

"Wow, your high school is awesome!" Cisco gasped as soon as they stepped inside the building.

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Yeah, if you forget all about puberty, cheerleaders, jocks, nerds and bullying…" The young doctor groaned. "High school is such a messy time when everyone is looking for themselves and, most of the time, it's not very pretty."

Cisco frowned. "I thought your experience wasn't that bad…"

"Well, I was the biggest nerd ever, always studying, always sitting in the front row, never missing a single class…" Caitlin shrugged, while soothing away a few creases from her red dress. "But I had my few friends with me so I guess it was okay."

"Not to mention, but you were dating a guy from the track team." Cisco commented with a grin.

A small smile crept up on Caitlin's lips. "True, but that didn't make me popular either. Barry was a nerd too."

"Seriously?" The young engineer sounded surprised.

"Uh-huh." Caitlin nodded, her smile still in place. "Less than me, of course, but still… It's not because you're an athlete that you become popular right away and get rid of your dorky side. He did get me out of my books more often, though."

Cisco chuckled but didn't add anything. Caitlin had never shared much about her childhood and her teenage years, but he had known the basic stuff like where she grew up and the name of the guy she had dated. She had been pretty cold and distant ever since she had lost Ronnie. It felt good to discover more about her, to see that she was willingly sharing all of this with him. He couldn't help but think it was the first step towards healing.

They walked along the corridors, following the red and white balloons, hanging on the walls and on the lockers, representing the colours of Ryker Neve High School. Soon, they stepped through doubled doors and arrived where the welcome committee was. Caitlin recognised some of the people and immediately groaned when she saw who was sitting at the welcome table.

"Well well, if it isn't Caitlin Snow?" Said the woman at the table.

Caitlin plastered her best fake smile on her face and greeted the woman back. "Hi Lexie. This is my plus one." She gestured towards Cisco, waiting for their nametags.

Lexie LaRoche had been Caitlin's childhood nemesis. She had turned Caitlin's elementary school years into hell, always putting gum in Caitlin's hair just for fun. Lexie had lost interest in Caitlin as soon as they had gone to middle school and then high school, to Caitlin's utter relief. Lexie had always been attracted to popularity and boys. And seeing her there, at the welcome table from their high school reunion, didn't really surprise Caitlin. That girl probably never managed to move on from her teenage years, not finding the same fame in the real world.

Lexie eyed Cisco from head to toes and raised a smug eyebrow accompanied by a smirk on her lips. Everything about her behaviour was judgemental. Slowly, she took two nametags from her table and handed them towards the two scientists.

She looked at Caitlin with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "You know, I didn't get any wedding invitation. I'm wounded, Caitlin." She put a hand to her chest in fake hurt.

Caitlin flinched. She had always hated Lexie, but she had never thought she would stoop so low so many years later. It was obvious she knew about Ronnie's death or she wouldn't have mentioned the wedding. Caitlin clenched her teeth, trying to think of something smart to say, but she came up empty. How could her childhood nemesis still have that power over her? It made her sick.

Cisco saw how the comment was slowly destroying the courage Caitlin had gathered to come to the reunion. He wasn't going to let some mean teenage girl in a woman's body ruin it. "That's because she didn't want to see your face at her wedding. It would have been unfortunate to see the other guests feeling nauseated at the sight of you." He spat out, grabbing the nametags Lexie was handing them. He took Caitlin by the arm and guided her away from the table.

Caitlin burst out laughing as soon as she realised what had just happened. The bewildered look on Lexie's face had been simply priceless. "You didn't have to do that, you know?" She told Cisco, but she was wearing a grateful smile on her lips.

"Of course I did!" Cisco retorted, almost offended by her suggestion. "She was being a bitch to my best friend and I don't tolerated that." He continued and sent her a wink.

Caitlin chuckled and they went to the main room. Stepping in it was like entering a time machine for the young doctor. Everything looked like their prom night. The people just looked older. But the atmosphere was exactly the same and Caitlin wasn't sure if she liked it. It just made the flow of memories stronger.

* * *

" _Hey Caity, your boyfriend's here." Charlie popped his head inside her room with a smile._

_Caitlin glanced at her brother's reflection in the mirror in front of her. "How do I look?" She asked nervously, her lower lip trapped between her teeth._

_Charlie smiled softly and entered her room. He was just 2 years younger than her and – unlike most of brothers and sisters their age – they had a great relationship._

" _You look really good, sis, don't worry." He came to stand next to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Besides, that guy downstairs is crazy about you." He sent her a wink and Caitlin felt a blush creeping up on her cheeks._

_She took a deep breath. "Okay, let's go."_

_At the bottom of her stairs, she found a fidgety Barry speaking with her father. Both men already knew each other and there wasn't any reason for Barry to be nervous, but it still made her heart swell to see him like that. Though it was nothing compared to what her heart did when Barry looked up to her. His jaw dropped and his eyes went wide instantly._

_She didn't think anyone had ever looked at her that way. And she found herself wishing he would be the only one to ever look at her that way for the rest of her life._

" _Hi." Barry croaked as she joined them. Her father smiled at the young couple before leaving them alone._

_Barry was at a loss for words and was grateful when she went on her tiptoes, softly pressing her lips to his, giving him an excuse not to say anything. Because he couldn't find the right words that would do her justice right now._

" _Let's go." Barry said when they pulled apart. And together, they went to prom. And it was pretty much perfect._

* * *

"Caitlin!" Someone called out to her and the young doctor turned to see Iris making her way towards her with a bright smile. "I heard you were back in town! It's so good to see you again!" Her old friend cheered before gathering Caitlin into a hug.

"Iris, hi!" Caitlin smiled back, happy to see her friend again. Iris had been Barry's best friend ever since they were little kids. In high school, she had become close friend with Catlin too. But after the break up, the two women had kind of lost touch with each other, a small email here, another text there, the mandatory birthday wishes, but never more.

"It's been a while. I hoped to see you tonight!" Caitlin continued with a wink. "I heard you were a very busy woman."

Iris chuckled. "It is quite a challenge being a journalist, a café owner, a wife and a mother. But it's worth it, believe me."

"I can imagine." Caitlin nodded. "I met your little girl. She's really precious."

Iris beamed at her friend proudly. "That she is! Thank you by the way. Eddie told me what you did."

Caitlin waved her comment away with her hand. "Oh it was nothing."

"Hey, isn't that the dress we bought together just before senior year?" Iris suddenly pointed out.

Caitlin glanced down at her red dress with a smile. "It is! I was surprised it still fit. I had to do some adjustments though, the straps were too loose and I wanted it to fit a little tighter at the waistline." She explained, gesturing to the thin black belt around her waist highlighting her silhouette.

The two friends continued catching up for a few minutes while Cisco listened silently next to them, eager to hear some juicy story from Caitlin's past, to the young doctor's despair. A few moments later, Iris excused herself as her phone rang.

"I'm surprised that so many people actually came to this thing." Caitlin commented as she and Cisco found a quiet place to stand. "I'm pretty sure if I hadn't been back in town, I wouldn't have travelled here just for that."

Cisco chuckled. "That's because you didn't live your high school years like some of them here."

"Hey!" Caitlin protested and playfully nudged him in the ribs.

"Ouch," Cisco lifted his hands in defence, trying to stop her, "I never said it was a bad thing! It actually shows that your life after high school is better and that you don't feel the need to come back here."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow at her best friend. What he had said seemed true and kind of comforting. Well at least concerning her life until the particle explosion. Because in the end, she had still felt the need to come back to her hometown and it felt like some kind of failure to her.

Cisco didn't seem to realise that. "Okay, I have to go see what the DJ has in his collection. I'll be back." He added with a low voice, quoting Terminator, and Caitlin rolled her eyes at her best friend's antics.

The young woman watched him walk away and she decided to go grab a drink. Caitlin was at the bar waiting for her glass when _he_ appeared out of nowhere. She didn't even know he was already here in the first place and she hadn't heard him coming.

"So you don't want to hang out with me because you need to mourn your fiancé and you don't have time to be friends, but here you are with some random guy? Seems to me like you just don't want to hang out with _me_."

She almost jumped when he stood behind her, saying those words in her ear. She felt a slight shiver run up her spine at the feeling of his breath hot on her skin. She mentally cursed herself for still being affected like this. It had been a little over a week since their little blow up in his car. They hadn't talked since.

She huffed in annoyance to hide her shiver and turned to face Barry, a frown hovering on her forehead at his icy voice. She took a second to observe him. He was wearing a black tailored three-piece suit with a bright red tie. She couldn't help notice they were matching. "What are you talking about?" She asked with an equal tone.

Barry looked unimpressed and showed Cisco, standing next to the DJ, with a head movement. "You seem pretty okay with having fun with _that_ guy." He said bitterly. "I have to admit, he's not really your type."

Caitlin crossed her arms on her chest in a defensive pose. "And what is _that_ supposed to mean?" She hissed. She had been about to correct him, tell him that Cisco was her best friend, but that comment had hit a nerve.

Barry seemed to notice her transition from confused to really mad and looked down bashfully to his feet. "Sorry, that's not what I meant…"

"I do hope so!" Caitlin retorted. She didn't recognise that Barry Allen, and that made her heart twist. She wondered if she knew him at all. "He's my best friend from Central City. He's here for a few days to see how I'm doing."

Barry let out a breath and looked up apologetically. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be a jerk…"

"Well you were!" She cut him off. "So, please, stop it and let me be!"

Barry was about to protest when two people interrupted them. Patty came up to greet Caitlin before snuggling up to her boyfriend, and a few seconds later, Cisco came to join them with a huge smile on his face, probably satisfied by the DJ's music collection.

There was a small moment of awkward silence after the introductions were made – Barry seemed to want to say something to Caitlin though the young doctor kept avoiding his eyes and Cisco opted to stare at Barry with a suspicious glare while Patty seemed completely oblivious to the strained atmosphere – but the tension was relieved when a woman came up on the stage and interrupted the music for an announcement.

"Hi people! I'm so glad all of you could make it tonight! It's so good to see you all again! And now it's time for my favourite game: 'Most Likely To'." She said eagerly, showing a bunch of flash cards in her right hand. "So we wrote these just before graduation. We made our little predictions as to where all of you would be in 10 years. Let's see if any of these actually became true."

"Oh this is going to be fun!" Cisco squealed in excitement.

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "You don't even know any of these guys."

"Still!" He shushed her. "Don't ruin this for me, Snow."

Caitlin chuckled. It felt good to have Cisco with her tonight. A few days ago she had been happy to have Barry to take her mind off Ronnie and Dr. Wells, but now she needed someone to take her mind off Barry too. So Cisco's surprise visit was more than appreciated.

"Most likely to stay in High School: Marc Brown."

A shared laugh took hold of the crowd and Marc lifted his arms proudly in the air. Caitlin chuckled. Marc had always been a show off and the class' clown. Being the reason to make all these people laugh was probably the highlight of his evening. Surprisingly enough, that guy had become the vice principle of their Ryker Neve High School. So technically, the prediction wasn't completely wrong.

"Most likely to win a Nobel Prize: our dear valedictorian, Caitlin Snow!"

Everybody clapped and Caitlin blushed furiously. She hated when attention was brought to her, especially since she hadn't exactly won a Nobel Prize.

Cisco nudged her playfully. "You go girl!" He teased and Caitlin glared affectionately at him.

"Most likely to be mayor: Tiffany Robbins."

And it went on and on. Most likely to become famous. Most likely to travel the world. Most likely to become senator. Most likely to become a rock star, Most likely to still be living at home…

Caitlin just listened with one ear, her attention stolen by Barry and Patty. They were still standing next to her and Cisco. Barry had his arm around Patty's shoulders and was whispering things in her ear, making the blonde woman laugh. Caitlin tore her eyes away from the couple to take a gulp of her drink; oblivious to the curious stare her best friend was giving her.

"Most likely to get married before their 30's."

Caitlin's heart sank and she almost choked on her drink. She had a bad feeling about this one. She didn't know why, but as soon as she heard those words, she felt dread creeping up her back.

"Our dearest favourite couple: Caitlin Snow and Barry Allen!" The woman on the stage shouted.

Caitlin froze. Right in front of her, Barry had had the exact same reaction, locking eyes with her. This prediction wasn't welcomed with clapping or laughter this time, but only by silence. The stare of every single person in the room had travelled to Barry and Caitlin.

Everybody here that had gone to high school with them had known about their relationship. Barry and Caitlin hadn't been the IT couple, or the prom queen and king or anything of that kind, really. They were just the couple that everyone had looked up to.

The valedictorian and the track-race-champion. Two kids in love without all the drama that was often present in high school. They had been stable. They had been what any teenager had been looking for at that time.

But, like everyone knew about their relationship, everyone also knew about their break up after graduation. It had been part of the realisation that high school wasn't all there was to life. Once out there, everything could change. Once out there, their couple couldn't hold anymore.

The news about Caitlin's dead fiancé had also travelled quickly across the room a few minutes after she had stepped foot into it. That had made her realise she didn't miss high school. At all.

"Well," the woman on stage broke the awkward silence, "I guess we couldn't be right on every prediction. Besides, they still have two years before they're actually 30, so they still have time, right?"

A low chuckle spread across the room and the attention was lifted off Caitlin and Barry as their old classmate continued her list of "Most Likely To". Caitlin could feel her cheeks still warm from the unwanted attention and the last comment.

"Wait… You two dated?"

Caitlin wrenched her eyes away from Barry's to look at his girlfriend who had suddenly spoken. The blonde woman was gaping at them, the cheeky smile gone from her features, her eyes jumping from one to the other, waiting for an answer.

Caitlin's stare went back to Barry. He was the one supposed to answer because he was the one who hadn't told his girlfriend in the first place.

"Hum… Kind of…" He croaked, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck.

' _Kind of?! Really Barry? That's what you're going with? The other day you said you thought I had been the love of your life and now you're saying kind of?!'_ Caitlin mentally cursed him. She wanted to shout at him, to punch him, to show him how it ' _kind of'_ hurt what he had just said. Why did he insist on being a jerk tonight?!

But she stayed silent, waiting to see what would happen, perfectly hiding the storm inside her head.

"Yeah right!" She heard Cisco grumble next to her and she sent him a grateful look. No matter what, her best friend would always be by her side.

But she wasn't the only one who had heard Cisco's comment. Patty looked at them with a frown, clearly not understanding what was going on. But she wasn't dumb; she obviously knew there was more to the story. Why else would their couple be mentioned as the 'Most likely to get married before their 30's'?

So she glared at her boyfriend, turned around and left the room, heading directly outside. Barry watched her walk away before turning back to Caitlin. He opened and closed his mouth half a dozen times before huffing in annoyance. "I'll better go explain." He finally said. He gave Caitlin one last apologetic glance before going after his girlfriend.

The 'Most Likely To' game came to an end and she music started again.

"Hey, so…" Cisco tried to break the tension after a long silence, "I know I'm practically your brother and I'm like half the size of the type of guys you're usually interested in, but… hum…" He took a deep breath and offered her his hand. "You wanna dance?"

Caitlin smiled softly at her best friend and took his hand. "Sure."

"Let's go." Cisco led her to the dance floor as they tried to forget what had just happened.

Thank god Cisco was here.


	8. Warning Sign

_"Come on in  
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in  
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones  
That I started looking for a warning sign_

_When the truth is, I miss you_   
_Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so_

_And I'm tired, I should not have let you go_   
_So I crawl back into your open arms"_

_"Warning Sign – Coldplay"_

* * *

Caitlin balanced the grocery bags on one arm, fishing her keys in her pocket with her free hand and managed to open the front door without throwing everything on the front porch. She kicked the door shut behind her and navigated towards the kitchen. Going through the living room, she spotted her mother sitting on her favourite armchair while reading a book.

"Hey mom, I got you that tea you wanted." Caitlin informed her as she stepped inside the kitchen. She carefully put the bags on the counter and began putting away what was in it.

"That's great sweetheart, thank you." Evelyn replied a few moments later, absent-mindedly.

Caitlin looked up and, from her position near the fridge, she could see her mother through the opened door connecting the kitchen to the living room. Caitlin frowned at her mother's daydreaming features. The older woman was a really down to earth person and the young doctor wasn't used to seeing that look on her face. A small smile was floating above Evelyn's lips and she was staring at the page of her book. Caitlin could've sworn she hadn't turned a page in the past five minutes.

"Is everything okay, mom?" Caitlin cautiously asked after putting away the milk and folding the paper bag.

"Huh?" Evelyn looked up as her daughter joined her in the living room. "Yes, everything is fine. Thank you for doing the groceries."

Caitlin slowly nodded, still a bit worried about the vacant look on her mother's face. "No worries. Well I'll go up to freshen up a bit and then I'll come back to keep you company." She informed her.

Evelyn's smile got brighter. "Oh take your time sweetie."

Caitlin's frown deepened. "Okay…" She trailed off before leaving the room, not without glancing at her mother one last time. There was something off about that smile… As if Evelyn was hiding some big secret.

The young doctor was still trying to understand her mother's behaviour, and to guess what kind of secret she could be keeping to herself, when she stepped into her bedroom. She glanced at her watch – an old big-city-habit she couldn't get rid of even when she really hadn't anything planned for the rest of the day – closed the door, took off her jacket and was about to head to her dresser to put it away when she let out a loud shriek, jumping back against her front door with a loud thump, her right hand flying to cover her heart, her jacket falling to the ground.

"Barry! What the hell?! Do you want me to have a heart attack?!" Caitlin exclaimed. Why were people insisting on scaring the life out of her every single time? Couldn't they just let her know they were here?

There, leaning back against her desk, was Barry with an amused smile on his lips and one of her old books in his hand. He put the book down on the desk and lifted both hands in surrender. "Sorry, I swear that wasn't my intention." Barry apologised.

"Well you should know better than to enter in a woman's room without her knowledge." Caitlin fumed. She absolutely hated being scared like that. And she wasn't really in the mood to deal with him right now.

"Well I assumed your mother would have told you I was here waiting for you." Barry explained, his smile turning into a shy uplift of the right corner of his lips.

"My mother?" Caitlin inquired with narrowed eyes.

Barry nodded. "Yeah, she's the one that let me in. She told me you'd be right back."

"My mother?" She repeated doubtfully. Now she thought she understood the secret smile she had seen on her mother's face a few minutes ago.

"Hum… that's what I said, right?"

Caitlin let out a bitter laugh. "Oh I hate her…" She groaned. "I specifically told her I didn't want to see you."

She hadn't seen him since the high school reunion and she had wanted to keep it that way. He had acted like a complete jerk at that party, like someone she didn't recognised at all. She had realised that, maybe, the Barry she had known was gone. She didn't want to find out if that was really the case, so she just didn't want to see him at all.

Besides, she had had Cisco to keep her mind off her ex-boyfriend. Spending a few days with her best friend had done her a lot of good. Cisco always knew how to make her laugh and could talk about simply everything. In those few days, she began realising that maybe coming back home wasn't the worst thing that could happen to her, that she could actually gain something from the situation. It just hadn't completely settled in. She had been really sad to see Cisco leave to go back to Central City, but unlike her, he had stayed at S.T.A.R. labs, convinced that there was still a huge potential there.

"Geez Cait, you sure know how to make a guy feel wanted." Barry groaned, pushing himself off her desk, his shoulders slumping down.

Caitlin looked self-consciously away from him. "Sorry, it's just that I told you this was a bad idea." She explained softly. She hadn't meant to sound so dismissive.

"Yeah, you told me." He chuckled without any trace of humour. "And I heard you. But I didn't get a chance to convince you that you're mistaken."

"Barry…" She tried to speak.

"No, please…" He cut her off. "I don't know what made me act like a damn fool at the reunion and I'm really sorry. But at least listen to what I have to say." Barry almost pleaded. His green eyes bore into hers and she didn't seem able to look away. Years later and she still knew them by heart.

"Okay, fine… Talk!" She reluctantly gave up. She had never really been able to resist him when he wanted something.

Barry huffed in annoyance and Caitlin realised that she was maybe being too hard on him, too cold – which he wasn't really used to. He just wanted to spend time with her – there was actually nothing wrong with that. And there had been a time when the two off them had been great friends. But Caitlin was afraid for her heart and all her defence mechanisms were up right now. She agreed to listen to him. Nothing more.

Barry pushed his annoyance away and took a step forward. Caitlin eyed him curiously, silently warning him not to come closer and he just shook his head with a light chuckle, but stopped where he was anyway.

He then turned serious again and took a deep breath before speaking again. "I know you're afraid of getting hurt and you say you're leaving anyway but I think I can help you, and…" He paused long enough for his eyes to find hers, locking her gaze in his. "And you once told me that: 'Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music?'" Caitlin's eyes went wide and he gave her a shrug. "I know, I know… I'm the bigger dork here for even remembering you quoting a TV-show. But you were right."

Caitlin let out a shaky breath, willing her voice not to tremble. "That was a long time ago, Barry. I was twenty and living on the thrill of the idea of our little romance bubble. The city and college lives were crazy and I wanted some kind of comfort, some kind of normality where I could feel safe." She looked down to her hands as she absent-mindedly played with her engagement ring. "And I knew I could find that in you." Her eyes flew back up to his as she added, "and I'm sorry for taking advantage of you like that."

A loud laugh escaped Barry's lips. "Taking advantage of me? You're kidding, right?" When he saw that she was dead serious, he sobered up. "Cait, you're crazy to think that! If anyone took advantage of the other, it's me! I'm the one who lied to you for four days," he added as he saw the confused look on her face, "I'm the one who asked you if you were single, I'm the one who kissed you, I'm the one who invited you inside my house, inside my room, remember?"

A small blush crept up her neck to reach her cheeks, as she looked away, embarrassed by the affect these words had on her. _As if she could ever forget…_

"But I let you, I didn't stop you. I wanted you." Caitlin silently whispered, looking everywhere except his face. Her heart was beating like crazy inside her chest.

"And I could never hold that against you. And I don't regret it either." Barry softly replied. "Had the circumstances been different, maybe it could have lasted longer. But I guess the timing just wasn't right."

Caitlin nodded. Their four-days-adventure had been perfect. But life didn't seem to want it to last longer than that. Four days. She had her studies to finish. He had to take care of his sick mother.

"I wanted to thank you." Caitlin finally murmured, realising she had never admitted that to him.

Barry frowned, not expecting her to say that. "For what?"

Caitlin's eyes flew up to find his face. "For pushing me to go back to Central City eight years ago."

Barry nodded softly. "I knew it was what was best for you. You knew it too, you just didn't want to see it."

* * *

_[Eight Years Ago]_

" _I'll stay." Caitlin suddenly said, breaking the long silence that had been floating around them, almost making him jump in surprise._

_They were still lying in bed together a few hours after Barry had told her about his mother's cancer. Barry's sobs had died down but he couldn't bring himself to pull away from the security of Caitlin's arms. She was his anchor and he was afraid that, if he were to let her go, he would simply drown._

" _What?" He asked confused. They had been lying down in silence and he had actually no idea what she was talking about._

" _I won't leave tomorrow." Caitlin explained calmly. "I'll stay in Ryker Neve with you. With your mom. I'll help out."_

_Barry pushed himself off her, sat crossed-legged on the bed and frowned at her. "No Cait, you have to go back."_

" _What? No!" Caitlin exclaimed herself as she followed his example and pushed herself up into a sitting position. "Why do you say that? I want to stay here with you."_

_The young man sadly shook his head and turned his back to her, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. "No you don't." He whispered._

" _Excuse me?!" Caitlin squeaked, not believing what she had just heard. "Okay, what is wrong with you Barry? I want to be there for you, so please let me stay."_

" _Nothing's wrong with me." Barry huffed in annoyance and stood up, leaning back against his desk, finally facing her again. "And no Caitlin. You have to go back to Central City. You can't stay."_

" _But why?" She protested, standing up too to join him. Her soft hands immediately went to his waist and his fell to her hips. He couldn't help it; it was physically impossible for him not to touch her when she was so close to him._

_Barry looked down into her pleading eyes and almost gave up._

_Almost._

" _Because I can't ask you to stay." He whispered._

" _But you're not asking, I'm offering." She insisted, slightly tugging on his shirt like a little kid wanting something from his parents._

" _And I'm refusing." He softly pulled her away from him and pushed himself off his desk. He began pacing nervously in his room under her worried gaze. "I already dropped out of college because of this. I won't forgive myself if you give up your studies because of me. I won't let you do that."_

" _It's my choice, Barry." Caitlin whispered._

" _So?" He suddenly turned to her and snapped, his voice getting harder. "I won't let you. Because my mother is going to die and then who knows what will happen?" Barry threw his hands in the air before pointing a finger at her, making her flinch a little. "What if you can never go back to your studies? What if you never become a doctor? What if you get stuck in Ryker Neve? All because you stayed here for some guy you dated in high school. You can't throw your life away for me."_

_Caitlin winced at his harsh words. They both knew their relationship had been way more than just a high school crush turned into a fling. Their feelings for each other were real. They had something that some people would look for their entire life. He had been her first boyfriend, her first kiss, her first time, her first love… And even after two years of college, two years away from him, she hadn't found anything that felt like the third of what it felt to be with him._

" _You'll resent me forever." He continued, oblivious to her inner monologue. "I won't be the guy keeping you away from your dream. I already gave up on mine. I won't let you do the same."_

" _But…" She started._

" _There's no 'but', Caitlin. I love you." Barry cut her off before she could elaborate her thought. "I never stopped." He admitted and her breath caught. "Even more because of how much you care, about me and about my mother. These last four days together were perfect. But I can't let you stay. You have to go back. I want you to live your life at the fullest. Go get your dream. Be young. Be crazy. Don't wait for me, please."_

_Caitlin gasped at him, pointing a finger in his direction, her eyes welling up. "Oh that's a mean trick, using my own words against me. That's dirty pool, Barry." She remembered telling those words to him under the rain, both of them standing under a lamppost the day before leaving town for college._

_Barry shrugged. He knew he had to do everything to convince her to go. "I'm only using them because, even if I didn't want to believe them at the time, they were true. And they still are today. So please, Cait, believe them."_

" _But I want to be there for you." Caitlin croaked, tears now streaming down her face._

" _And you will be. Right here." Barry pointed to his heart and Caitlin ran into his arms. It felt awfully cliché but it touched her right in the feelings._

_And she felt pathetic to be the one breaking down in his arms, considering that he was the one whose mother was dying. Barry closed the remaining very minimal space between them and gathered her into his arms, burying one hand in her hair and the other arm tightly wrapped around her waist. Caitlin snaked both of her arms under his, her hands going up his back and clutching at his shoulder, her face buried in the crook of his neck._

" _You have that brightness inside of you that's just waiting to come out to dazzle the world." He whispered against her hair. "And I won't be the guy that keeps you from shining."_

_She shivered at his words and wondered if she would ever stop loving him like she loved him right now._

* * *

"You kept it?"

Caitlin was brought out of her trance and she turned her attention to the object Barry was referring to. With the tip of his fingers, he was grazing a necklace hanging on the side of her mirror. On that necklace was a small locket. His fingers were hovering over it as if they itched to touch it and open it but were afraid to.

"Of course I kept it." Caitlin whispered. She knew that locket all too well. How many times had she laid in bed, tears streaming down her face, looking at what was inside.

Barry knew it too. He had been the one to offer it to her for their second – and last – anniversary. At that time, they had known that college was approaching really fast and that they would both be in two separate states. But they had blissfully ignored the fact that it had the potential of coming in-between them. They had avoided the subject like the plague. Caitlin already knew the safest thing for her heart would be to break things off and Barry had decided to just not think about it – it was probably why he had had a really hard time accepting their breakup a few months later.

Finally, Barry seemed to gather the courage to grab the necklace and carefully opened the locket. As expected, inside was an old photograph of the both of them. The picture was small and old, but you could perfectly distinguish the huge smiles they were wearing.

At the back of the locket was a single phrase that Barry had let engraved.

" _Forever yours. Barry."_

Maybe at the back of his mind, he had known their relationship was soon coming to an end and had offered this to her so that she could carry it around with her and not forget about him. And apparently she had. He could see a few polished areas on the locket where he could imagine her fingers tracing a pattern on it, as she would look at it.

The engraved locket was an awfully cliché gift and way too cheesy but Caitlin had loved it. She hadn't seemed able to completely part with it. She had stopped wearing it, but she had never thrown it away or hid it.

Barry was still staring at the locket, lost in his thoughts, when Caitlin broke the heavy silence. "You have no idea how many times I hated myself for giving up on us." Maybe it was time to come clean.

He looked up at her and saw traces of regret lingering in her eyes. "Cait…"

"I mean… I didn't even give us a chance." She shrugged. "I didn't even let us try to make it work…" Her voice broke little at the end.

Barry let go of the locket, letting it rest back against her mirror, and approached Caitlin. Carefully, he put two fingers under her chin to make her look at him. "You have to forgive yourself." He said very softly. "I think you need that in order to move on. And if you need my forgiveness… you have it. I don't blame you, Cait."

Caitlin frowned as if what he had just said sounded completely absurd to her. "But I broke your heart."

A puff of air escaped his lips as he shook his head and his hand fell back to his side. "I can't hold that against you because we were two in that relationship, and I let you give up on us. I could've fought for you, I could have gone to Central City to surprise you, to show you we could actually keep our relationship. But I didn't. And then 2 years later I did the exact same thing as you. I let you go."

Her brows furrowed. "That wasn't your fault."

"Still, you wanted to be there for me and I didn't let you. I finally understood why you broke things off after high school, it was the reasonable thing to do."

Silence settled in as they both considered the words they had just exchanged. For the first time in forever, they were both confronting their choices from the past. For the first time, they were both admitting their wrongs in their falling out. And it felt like an invisible weight had been lifted from their shoulders.

"I'm sick of being reasonable all the time…" Caitlin finally breathed out.

Barry raised an eyebrow at her but she wasn't looking in his direction. He felt like her quiet admission meant more then what she was letting on. It seemed like she wasn't only talking about their relationship, but her life in general. From what he had gathered since she had come back, Caitlin was still a by-the-book person, never straying far from her initial path, never going crazy or overboard about things. She was always reasonable.

Barry saw there the opportunity to give her a little push towards a different way of life.

"So don't." He replied very seriously and his tone made her look up at him. "Let go of some control. Hang out with me. Because I really want us to be friends and I want to help you in that tough time of your life. Let me be there for you."

"Barry…" she shook her head, but he could feel her resolve weakening.

Barry raised a hand to stop her from finishing her sentence. "Next week we've got holidays, we're going away with Iris and her family for a few days. Come with us. There's enough place in Joe's beach house. It'll get your mind off things."

Caitlin seemed to consider the idea for a moment and a small smile appeared on Barry's lips. He knew how much she loved the beach.

"What about Patty?" She asked.

He waved her question away with his hand. "I explained everything and told her we were just friends, that what happened between us was a long time ago and I just didn't want her to worry about it. She's okay with it, don't worry." Barry shrugged. "She was a just bit angry I didn't tell her before."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced by his explanation. "I don't know…" The last thing she wanted was to cause problems for him. She didn't want to be a burden.

He stopped her before she could continue. He took a step forward so that he could look straight into her eyes. She immediately got lost in them – otherwise she would've made a snarky comment on how close to her he was currently standing and how Patty wouldn't be okay with _that_. But she was simply powerless against his eyes.

Oblivious to his power over her, he spoke softly. "I'm offering you a shoulder to lean on. Take it."

Drowning into his green eyes, Caitlin couldn't do anything but say "yes".

Damn those eyes! And that stupid grin that stretched his lips as he heard her reply.

She was in trouble.


	9. Dark Blue

" _This flood is slowly rising up swallowing the ground  
Beneath my feet, Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so  
I'll swim as the water rises up, the sun is sinking down  
And now all I can see are the planets in a row  
Suggesting it's best that I slow down_

_This night's a perfect shade of_   
_Dark blue"_

_"Dark Blue – Jack's Mannequin"_

* * *

"Here you go. This room is all yours for the next few days. There's a bathroom down the hall, you remember right?" Iris explained as she showed Caitlin around Joe's beach house where they were going to spend their small holiday time. Eddie, Barry, Patty and Lily had already left the house to take a short look at the beach.

"Yes, thanks Iris."

The young journalist smiled at Caitlin. "No worries, I'm glad you came. I know we didn't really have time to catch up and hang out ever since you came back, but Barry told me you were going through a rough patch… He really wants to help, you know?"

"I know…" Caitlin sighed, "even tough it feels like it's some kind of weird way to get me to forgive him for not letting me be here for him when his mother was sick."

Iris seemed to ponder on her answer for a short moment. "That's probably part of the reason." She finally said. "But the other major part is that he simply and genuinely cares for you. A lot."

Caitlin silently nodded. "I wanted to thank you for looking out for him when I wasn't here."

"Well, he's my best friend," Iris shrugged, "I would've taken care of him even if you hadn't asked me to."

"I know. I still wanted to thank you though."

Before going back to Central City after finding out about Barry's mother, Caitlin had asked Iris to keep an eye on him. She wanted to make sure he would have someone to take care of him when things got tough and that he pushed her away. She knew Iris was the person for that.

Iris nodded with a sweet smile and they stayed silent for a short moment.

"Don't you get bored?" Caitlin suddenly asked out of nowhere.

Iris frowned. "What do you mean?"

The young doctor blushed in embarrassment. "Back at home. I mean Ryker Neve is a small town, there's not much going on… Don't you get bored some times?"

Iris had always been a girl full of life, always finding new exciting things to do, always planning trips and activities. Caitlin had a hard time imagining her settling down in a small town, having a family and staying put in one place for her whole life. She had always imagined her travelling the world and challenging herself every single day. She was curious about what had changed.

"True, there's not much going on." Iris smiled. "But when you have a café to manage, a journalist's job to fulfil and a four-year-old to take care of, there's not much time left to get bored nor be lonely. Plus, when I found Eddie, I realised that all I ever needed was right here, in that small town. As long as I have him and Lily by my side, everything will be fine."

"Touché, you have a valid point." Caitlin laughed, trying to ignore how her words had struck something inside her. All of this had been what she thought she would have in a few years with Ronnie: a nice job, a nice house, a perfect husband and maybe a family on its way. But it was gone now.

"Anyway," Iris said, seeing that they were entering a sour subject, "make yourself at home and then come down to join us. We've got drinks and snacks waiting for us."

"I'll be there in a second." The young doctor informed her.

Iris winked at her friend before leaving Caitlin alone.

* * *

"Okay, so Lily is sound asleep, we're good for the night." Iris informed them later that day, as she came back into the living room were they were all sitting around the coffee table, enjoying a glass of wine. Iris had just gone to put her daughter to sleep.

After settling inside the beach house, the whole gang had cooked something to eat and had spent the beginning of the evening with laughter and happiness. Caitlin had felt at ease the whole time, almost not thinking about her problems, just enjoying her time here. It almost felt like she had always been part of this group. Falling back into a certain friendship with Barry and Iris had come naturally. As for Patty and Eddie, they had accepted her with arms open. Barry's girlfriend was still her happy-self, being nothing but friendly towards the young doctor, to Caitlin's relief.

"What do you guys want to do?" Patty asked cheerfully, sitting straighter on the couch next to Barry. "What about playing some game?

Eddie frowned and Iris chuckled. "Sure, what do you have in mind?" The young reporter inquired.

"You know 'Never have I ever…' right?" Patty's smile widened.

Caitlin, who had been silent until now, nursing her glass of wine on an armchair, rolled her eyes. "And we're back to college…" She mumbled under her breath in spite of herself. She hated the underlying jealousy the blonde brought out of her.

Patty didn't seem to hear her, but Barry let out a small laugh at her comment, winking at Caitlin. The young doctor immediately looked away, blushing in embarrassment as he had caught her childish behaviour.

"Sure, why not?" Iris shrugged. "You go first."

Patty bounced on her seat like a little girl and got lost in her thoughts for a few moments. "Never have I ever…" she trailed off, her lips curling up into a smirk, "had a daughter." She finished proudly, her eyes shooting straight towards Eddie and Iris.

Both of them shook their heads in amusement and took a gulp of their wine. "That was low, Patty." Iris commented without sounding mean. "Okay, my turn," she added with a mischievous grin, "Never have I ever dated Barry!" She teased. "Payback's a bitch."

Patty glared at the young mother but willingly drank a bit of her wine with a giggle. Her smile instantly faded away once she caught Caitlin also taking a gulp of her drink. Iris followed her eyes and cursed under her breath. She hadn't taken this into consideration when she had uttered those words. She hadn't wanted to turn things awkward.

Her head snapped back to the blonde woman as she spoke again, this time towards Barry. "Why are you drinking honey? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you've ever dated yourself." The smile on Patty's lips was completely gone and her brows were furrowed.

Barry shrugged. "Oh I know, but I think I'm going to need the alcohol if I want to make it through this game." He explained playfully, but the other four people in the room could clearly feel the tension in his shoulders.

"Sorry." Iris mouthed apologetically to her best friend.

Caitlin felt her heart being heavy in her chest and breathing became harder. She hated herself for reacting like that every time her passed relationship with Barry would come up. All these years she had managed to convince herself she had moved on from him, but here she was, feeling unwell at seeing him with his new girlfriend, feeling nostalgic from the old time, forgetting she was supposed to mourn.

Caitlin suddenly stood up from her chair, leaving her unfinished glass of wine on the coffee table. "You guys keep playing, I'm going to go get some air." She explained as they all looked up questioningly at her.

"You okay, Cait?" Barry's worried voice caught her attention and she tried to give him her most reassuring smile.

"Everything's fine, I just need to stretch my legs." She explained.

"I'll come with you then." Barry simply stated.

Caitlin looked at him wide eyed and shook her head. "No it's okay, really."

"Good." Barry nodded, standing up from the couch. "I'm still coming. I don't like the idea of you alone out there."

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "Well, suit yourself." She knew there was no point in trying to change her mind. He was almost as stubborn as her.

"Barry…" Patty trailed off, silently asking him to stay.

"We'll be back in a bit, don't worry." Barry sweetly smiled back at his girlfriend before dropping a kiss on her forehead and following his ex out of the house.

Caitlin took her high heels off and let them dangling down from two fingers, and together they began walking on the sand along the water, making small talk to avoid any sensitive subjects.

"You know, you may be older, more mature and more sure of yourself, but you still have no clue about women." Caitlin commented after a peaceful moment of silent.

Barry frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

"Patty," Caitlin explained, "the last thing she wants is for you to follow your ex every time she leaves the room."

Barry chuckled. "Oh don't worry about Patty. I told you we talked about it. She's fine with everything."

"As I said, you still know nothing about women." Caitlin insisted.

"Hey! I knew enough to get your attention back in high school." Barry tried to defend himself.

Caitlin giggled. "Yeah but I was a teenage girl desperately in love with you. That doesn't count."

"Of course it does!" He exclaimed himself, almost offended she would suggest it didn't. "And don't worry, Patty's cool with it. I explained everything, I apologised for being an idiot and told her I wanted to be a good friend for you. I'm here for you, Cait." His voice had turned serious again, his eyes boring holes in her skin.

Caitlin took a deep breath to calm the shiver that shook her whole body at his words. How could he still have that kind of effect on her after all these years? It wasn't even like if she was still in love with him. She had moved on. She loved Ronnie. Barry shouldn't be able to move her like that, with a few simple sweet words. She just missed the attention. That was it. She just needed someone to pay attention to her. It had nothing to do with him being Barry. At least that was what she tried to convince herself of.

"I love this beach." She whispered, trying to change the subject.

"Hum… me too."

"I don't even know what makes it so special. It just is." As soon as she said those words, she knew she shouldn't have. Of course she knew what made it so special, why she loved this precise beach so much.

"I know what you're talking about." Barry spoke softly.

Of course he knew what she was talking about. During spring break from their senior year, the young couple and a few friends had spent almost the whole week here, at Joe's beach house. It had been a few days filled with laughter, beach parties, barbecues, silly games and friendship. During those five days, Barry and Caitlin had gotten used to go walk on the beach just after dinner. It had been their small moment of peace and they had cherished every minute of it.

Caitlin blushed. She hadn't meant to bring those memories up. A heavy silence hovered above the both of them as they slowly walked along the beach. The wind was getting stronger and the waves got wilder. But Caitlin felt safe. Maybe it was because of the peace coming with the night, because of the familiarity of the place or simply because of the man walking next to her.

The peaceful moment was broken by a muffled cry for help. Both of them immediately stopped, trying to decipher where the cry had come from.

"Help!"

At the same time, they both looked out in the water. There, with quite some difficulty, they managed to make out a silhouette struggling in the water. Someone was in there, fighting for their life, trying not to drown and being taken over by the wild waves.

"Oh god…" Caitlin whispered.

Before her brain could even think of the best way to help that person, Barry launched himself forward.

Caitlin immediately ran after him. "Barry don't…" She grabbed his arm to stop him as he was almost reaching the water. "The waves are too wild. You'll only get yourself killed trying to help that person. It's not safe!"

Barry looked straight into her eyes and slightly shook his head. "Caitlin, I have to go!" He said almost apologetically and managed to get away from her grip. He shrugged his jacket off, threw it on the sand and ran into the water, diving in as soon as swimming became easier than walking.

Caitlin's heart stopped as soon as the water touched his skin and her breathing became elaborated. Barry was a good swimmer, but there was no way he would be able to make it through those waves alive, even less while trying to get someone else back to the shore.

And those last words he had said had chased the air out of her lungs. That couldn't happen. _Not again!_

She couldn't go after him because that would be as reckless as Barry going in the first place. She had to go search for some help. She remembered walking by a lifeguard station not long ago and she had even noticed the two red flags flapping in the air, informing them that the water was closed to public. Barry had even commented on it, telling her that he had learned the meanings of the different flag colours a few years back.

She went on her tiptoes, trying to see where Barry was and if he was still okay. But there was no sign of him. Without thinking twice about it, Caitlin dropped her high heels she had been carrying in her hand and dashed across the beach in the direction of the cabin. She almost tripped half a dozen times and she cursed under her breath, hating the way the sand was making the ground so shaky and unstable under her weight.

Hope burst into her chest when she spotted the cabin, but even more when she saw light shining through the windows, and she managed to run faster the last few meters. Caitlin climbed the couple of stairs leading to the door and she banged loudly against the wooden surface. A man in his mid thirties soon opened the door, eyes wide as he saw the state Caitlin was in.

"I need your help. Two people are drowning over there. You need to help them. Please." Caitlin told him very quickly, the words tumbling down her lips, her breathing becoming even more uneven. "We heard some cry for help and my friend went into the water to save that person but I don't think he's going to make it."

The man's training kicking in, he grabbed a set of keys and followed Caitlin down the stairs. After confirming the position of the two persons, he ordered her to stay on the beach as he went to his lifeguard boat and made his way towards the position Caitlin had pointed at.

The young woman ran back to the place where she had last seen Barry, finding the spot where she had dropped her high heels right next to his jacket. Anxiously, she watched the boat's lights as it floated on the water. Caitlin didn't know how long she stayed there, looking at the immensity in front of her, nervously fidgeting with the hem of her t-shirt. Her legs felt weak, but she stayed up. Her eyes were burning from the tears, but they stayed opened. Her teeth hurt, but her jaw stayed clenched. She didn't know how long she stayed like that, but it felt like an eternity.

Finally, the boat came back to the shore and Caitlin snapped back into focus, running to the lifeguard.

"I've got them," he shouted to the young woman, lifting one man out of the boat and positioning him on the sand far enough from the water, "but they need medical assistance." He added before going back to the boat to pick up Barry and do the same. Caitlin's heart missed a beat as she saw his limp body in the lifeguard's arms.

"I called the emergency service with my radio and they are on their way." The man continued, laying Barry next to the other unconscious man. "But these guys need immediate assistance and I can't do both of them at the same time. Do you know any first aid assistance?"

Caitlin ran the few steps separating her from the three men and threw herself on the ground next to Barry, immediately bowing forward, placing her ear next to his nose and mouth. Finding no clear sign of Barry's breathing, she instantly checked for his pulse. Her heart dropped when she didn't find any. "I'm a doctor." She informed the lifeguard breathlessly while tilting Barry's head back, lifting his chin to free his airway.

The lifeguard let out a breath of relief. "Well then these guys are extremely lucky." He said before turning his full attention to the other man, clearly seeing that Caitlin wanted to be the one helping Barry.

The woman was already kneeling next to the young man, both hands pressing into his chest in a regular rhythm, performing CPR.

"Stay with me," Caitlin whispered more to herself than anyone else, "come on, Barry. Stay with me. Please Barry, please!"

After 30 compressions, she stopped the pressure on his chest long enough to pinch his nose close, open his mouth wide, applying her mouth against his and breathe twice in it. With relief, she watched his chest rise – showing her the air was reaching his lungs. After that, she resumed her chest compressions. Again, after counting to 30, she repeated the process of mouth-to-mouth. She was about to breathe in a second time when Barry suddenly coughed, his body jerking to the side as water came out of his mouth.

Caitlin swore she could've cried right at this moment. She fell back on the sand, pressing her knees to her chest as she watched Barry catch his breath. Her hand instantly went to catch his wrist and she felt her heart jump in her chest when she found the weak throb of his pulse against his skin.

"Oh god that burns." Barry groaned as he looked up at Caitlin with a faint smile.

The young woman couldn't bring herself to smile back as she let go of his wrist. She was under shock. She was a doctor; she had seen worse and had acted in emergencies with much more chaos around her. But she had never felt so scared in her entire life.

"Hum… I guess I should've asked some Gillweed to Dobby to be able to breath underwater like Harry Potter." Barry croaked.

Caitlin frowned at him, her lips forming a thin line. "This isn't funny!" She hissed. "You could've…"

"I didn't!" He cut her off immediately, his eyes softening as he managed to seat up, his eyes reaching the same level as hers.

"Good job, doc'!" The lifeguard next to them suddenly interrupted them. Caitlin almost jumped in surprised, she had completely forgotten about the two other men. The one that had been unconscious a few minutes ago was also catching his breath, spitting out spurts of water.

The lifeguard extended his hand to Barry. "Thank you for helping me to get this guy on the boat. I'm just sorry it took me so long to get you out too. If it weren't for you, I would've probably been to late to save him."

Barry shook the man's hand and shrugged his comment away as if everything was completely normal and he hadn't just risked his own life.

Caitlin frowned at them and was about to ask what exactly had happened out there when the heard the ambulance's siren approaching. "Well that's our ride." The lifeguard stood up and helped the other man, putting his arm around his shoulder. "Come on." He added as he walked away from Barry and Caitlin.

Barry tried to stand up but groaned in pain and fell back down. "Arrg… I think you broke my ribs."

Caitlin rushed to him, helping him up. "Well, it was either that or lungs filled with water. Sorry I couldn't ask for your opinion." She replied, still not over the fact that she had had his lifeless body under her hands mere moments ago.

"It's okay, I forgive you." He teased as they made their way towards the ambulance, after Caitlin swiftly picked up his jacket and her high heels still lying on the sand.

"It's not funny, Barry." She whispered, almost wishing he wouldn't hear how scared she had been in her voice.

But he did. He had always been really great at reading and understanding her. "I'm okay, Cait. You saved me." He said softly.

Caitlin shook her head, gripping at his hand that she had thrown over her shoulder to support him during their walk. She momentarily closed her eyes to keep the tears from escaping but it did the exact opposite and a couple of tears came rolling down her cheeks. "What happened?" She finally gathered the courage to ask him.

Barry stopped walking for a moment and took a deep breath. "I was still conscious when our hero arrived, I was barely managing to keep both of our heads out of the water. I tried to reach the shore before, but the waves and the current were just too strong." Caitlin went to stand in front of him, fear written all over her face. "Mr. Lifeguard helped me to get that guy completely out of the water but when he was safely into the boat, a wave took over me and I don't remember anything else after that…" Caitlin sucked in a breath. "Until you kissed me." Barry added with a smirk.

Caitlin pulled her head back, frowning. "I didn't kiss you."

"Yeah you did." Barry smugly moved his head up and down.

"Oh don't be such a kid, Barry." Caitlin scowled before standing next to him again, resuming their walk towards the ambulance. "I was saving your life, show some respect."

Barry chuckled and coughed at the same time, his throat still sore from all the water. "Alright, alright, I was just joking." He put his free hand up in surrender. He glanced sideway at her and his features became really soft. "Thank you, by the way."

Caitlin's lower lip got sucked in between her teeth as she nodded shyly. Silently, they both joined the ambulance where they checked Barry. Surprisingly, they attested that his ribs weren't broken and they simply wrapped him up before asking him to take things easy in the next few days. They really wanted him to come to the hospital with them but Barry refused. Discharging him under Caitlin's care was the only way allowing Barry to avoid a trip to the hospital.

So she agreed to take care of him and, without a word, they went back to the beach house.


	10. Catch & Release

"Everybody got their reason  
Everybody got their way  
We're just catching and releasing  
What builds up throughout the day

_It gets into your body_   
_And it flows right through your blood_   
_We can tell each other secrets_   
_And remember how to love"_

_"Catch & Release – Matt Simons"_

* * *

"Where's Caitlin?"

Barry had just finished cleaning himself up and Caitlin missing in the room was the first thing he noticed as he joined his friends in the living room. They had come back to the beach house, about one hour ago, to find their three friends worried about how long their walk on the beach was taking. Caitlin and Barry had told them the whole drowning incident and Patty and Iris had spent about half an hour shooting worried questions at them. Eddie had been dumbfounded the whole time, not believing what had happened not that far from the house, how they had almost lost a friend.

Caitlin had then very calmly explained everything, the doctor persona taking the upper hand, and had told them that Barry was supposed to take it easy so the two women should lay off the questions. Barry had been grateful for her intervention and had gone straight to the bathroom to take a long and warm shower.

Now that he was back, he could see his girlfriend and his best friend eyeing him like they were expecting him to collapse at any moment. He could also see all the questions begging to escape their lips. Barry perfectly knew they wouldn't be able to hold on for long. Thankfully, it was almost midnight and Barry really felt like going to bed.

He just wanted to see how Caitlin was doing first – they hadn't talked alone ever since they had come back – which shouldn't be surprising considering it had only been an hour or so.

"Hum I think she's outside on the beach." Iris replied. "She wanted to take some air."

"As if she hadn't taken enough already." Patty mumbled quietly and Barry almost thought he had imagined it. He simply decided to ignore it. He was too tired to try to understand what was going on inside his girlfriend's mind.

"Okay," the young man nodded, "I'll go check on her. I'll be right back."

"Barry, let her be." Patty stopped him, laying one hand on his arm as he passed the couch she was sitting on, clearly annoyed by her boyfriend. "She can manage one hour without you."

"She probably can, but she doesn't have to." Barry stated, not really appreciating his girlfriend's tone. He carefully freed himself from her grip. "But I promised her I'd be there for her when things got tough – though I hadn't planned to drown and make things tougher. So I'm not letting her deal with things alone."

Without another word, Barry opened the sliding doors and stepped outside. Darkness was drowning the beach but he managed to see her silhouette thanks to the full moon. He carefully closed the doors behind him and made his way towards her. She was sitting on the sand, knees drawn to her chest, arms crossed above them, chin resting on her arms, facing the agitated water but not close enough to touch it.

Silently, he sat next to Caitlin on the sand. She didn't spare him a single glance, she just continued staring at the cold and wild water, her hands clutching at her arms.

Barry waited a moment, wanting to see if she would say something – _anything_ – but she didn't. And it confirmed his assumption that she was mad at him. This was actually new to him. Caitlin Snow had always been the kind to shout and yell when she was angry with someone. She would never keep it in; she always spoke her mind. Sometimes her anger was a real contrast to her sweet appearance. You wouldn't expect someone looking like her to get mad like she did. She had never given him the silent treatment, not like this. Barry honestly though he preferred her shouting at him than not talking at all.

Ever since she had come back, he had felt those walls around her, walls she had built to protect herself and her heart. They were different from those she had back in high school. The old ones had been frail and Barry had gone through them without problems. The new ones were thick and threatening, as if she had put layers on layers at each heartache she had gone through. And Barry couldn't blame her for it – she had been through so much… It just saddened him to see her like that.

Right now, he just wanted her to simply look at him and maybe forgive him. Somehow, he had a pretty good idea for the reason she was mad at him. He didn't know how he knew, he just did.

He sighed and finally decided to break the silence. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you leaving like that…"

"It's okay, I get it." Caitlin cut him off, finally glancing sideways at him, her empty eyes making his heart squeeze. "You _had_ to go. It's just…" She took a deep breath, looking back at the water, before continuing. "That's the last thing that Ronnie said to me that night… when the particle accelerator exploded."

A faint gasp escaped Barry's lips. He had no idea. No wonder she had reacted that way. He must have brought so many bad memories, on top of almost dying in her arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't know."

"It's okay." Caitlin shrugged, although her voice was thick with emotions. "You saved a man tonight, and I could never hate you for that."

Barry shook his head. The last thing he wanted was for her to think that her feelings weren't worth being taken into account. He didn't want her to find excuses for him. "Still, it was a bit reckless from me."

The young doctor let a bitter chuckle escape her lips. "That's an understatement." She groaned.

Silence settled in between the both of them as the water's wild movements captivated their gazes. A shiver ran along Barry's spine as he remembered how cold and threatening the water had felt against his skin a couple of hours ago. He was really thankful to be here to witness that shiver. Because it meant he was still alive. He had come close to death, but he was still here.

Caitlin seemed to be having the same line of thoughts as she whispered, "I don't know what I would've done if I had lost you tonight."

Her voice was frail and all he wanted to do was gather her in his arms. But he didn't feel like he had the right to at the moment.

"Hey, you don't need to think about this right now." He said soothingly. "I'm still here, Cait. You didn't lose me."

"But I almost did." She croaked, almost choking on her newborn tears. She turned to face him, her pleading eyes meeting his. "I already lost too many people I really cared about, Barry. I can't go through that again."

Barry's heart broke into millions of pieces at the sight. He knew not many people got the opportunity to see Caitlin Snow in that state. And, selfishly, he liked being the person she felt so comfortable with that she could shed her defence walls and confide herself in.

"Come here." He murmured, draping one arm around her shoulders and gathering her in his arms. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." He promised.

Barry didn't care if he deserved having her in his arms or not, all that mattered was that she needed the comfort. And he would gladly give it to her. Her sobs died down pretty quickly, but she didn't pull away from him.

He didn't know how long they stayed like this, but after what felt like hours – or maybe just a few minutes – he decided to break the silence. He knew the wheels were turning inside her head, and he was really curious about what she was thinking about. "Penny for your thoughts."

Caitlin lifted her head off his shoulder and pulled away to sit straight again, his arm falling back down to the sand. Her lips curled up into a smile. "I was thinking about the guy you saved."

"What about him?" Barry frowned.

"Well, I'd like to go check on him tomorrow, see how he's doing." She softly explained.

"Hum…" He paused for a second. "They took him to the hospital, right?"

"Yes," Caitlin nodded, "they wanted to keep him in observation for a bit. He stayed in the water longer than you, he's bound to have a few residual effects from the drowning."

"And he doesn't have his personal physician to keep an eye on him." Barry added, sending her a wink.

Caitlin rolled her eyes and thanked the darkness around them that hid the light flush of her cheeks.

She shook her head. "Anyway, maybe I'll go see him tomorrow."

They stayed silent for a minute and then Barry asked, "Do you mind if I come with you?"

The young woman turned her head to him and the moonlight shined on her smile. "Not at all."

They stared at each other for a moment before Caitlin looked away. "Speaking of personal physician," she spoke softly, "yours is recommending some quality time with your girlfriend and a good night of sleep."

"Quality time with my girlfriend?" Barry repeated with a chuckle.

Caitlin nodded. "Yes. Patty's worried about you. You should go put her mind at ease."

Barry sighed silently before answering. "You're right, I'm going back inside." He stood up, took a couple of steps towards the house and turned again towards Caitlin when he realised she wasn't following. "You coming?"

Caitlin glanced at him over her shoulder and shook her head. "You go first, I'll stay here a bit longer. See you tomorrow, Barry."

"Goodnight, Cait."

* * *

After a long restful night, Barry let a hand run through his hair as he walked down the stairs leading to the open living room / kitchen of Joe's beach house. No matter how many times he tried to tame his wild strands, it seemed he would have permanent bed hair for the day. He let his hand fall and grabbed the car keys on the kitchen counter.

Patty, who was sitting at the dining table with her computer, lifted her head as she heard the key-jingle. "Where are you going?" She inquired with a light frown.

Barry joined her, standing next to her chair and dropping a kiss to her hair. He had followed Caitlin's advice and had had a long talk with Patty about his drowning incident the previous night.

"I'm going to the hospital with Caitlin. I promised her yesterday that I would accompany her to see how my drowning buddy is doing." He joked lightly.

Patty tensed up at the information. He didn't know if it was because he was joking about his drowning experience or because he had said Caitlin's name. It seemed it was the latter.

"Well can't she go with someone else?" She asked curtly, looking back to her computer. "I think Eddie's free." She added innocently, as if she actually didn't care. But her tone completely betrayed her.

He frowned at her behaviour, not being used to Patty being cold like that. "She can," he spoke slowly, "but I already promised her I would go with her. She needs some distraction right now."

"Yeah and you're the distraction…" Patty mumbled.

Barry frowned at that. "Excuse me?"

Patty slammed her laptop shut and turned to face Barry. "Well, can't she find somebody else's boyfriend to be her distraction?"

"Hey, there's no need to be mean." Barry snapped, his patience wearing thin. "She just wants to see if that guy is okay. Oh, and by the way, I want to see him too. Plus, it'll keep her from brooding on the beach. She's doing enough of that as it is."

"Oh come on!" Patty spat bitterly. "She has you wrapped around her little finger and you can't even see it. It's probably all just an act."

"What? You're kidding right? She lost her fiancé and her career!" Barry gaped at her, not believing what he was hearing. He shook his head in despair and made his way to the front door. "You know what? I'm not having this conversation now. Caitlin is waiting for me outside."

"Yeah, I bet she is." Patty spat out.

Barry stopped dead in his tracks. Enough was enough.

He turned around and walked back towards his girlfriend. "Okay, what's your problem?"

Patty stood up to face him, resting her hands on her hips in a threatening position. "My problem is you spending all your free time with your high school sweetheart!"

"That was a long time ago! She's just a friend!" Barry protested, his tone raising. "And I thought you were okay with that!"

The blonde woman rolled her eyes. "Well obviously I had to say I was okay with you hanging out with her! I knew better than to forbid you from seeing her." She shook her head. "And honestly, I _really_ was okay with it when you were just hanging out from time to time. But keeping from me the fact that you two dated really didn't play in your favour Barry. I can't help but think there's a reason why you kept this."

Barry tried to take a step towards her but she stopped him. "There's nothing going on, I swear. You have nothing to worry about." He tried to convince her.

"So why are you spending so much time with her?" She squeaked, her eyes welling up all of a sudden, as if she had bottled up all of these feelings and they were all coming out now.

"She needs me." Barry simply stated, trying to ignore the hurt twitch that appeared on his girlfriend's features.

"And I need you." She whimpered. "And last time I checked, I was your girlfriend, which makes _me_ your priority… not her! I finally got a few days off work and you don't even spend time with me." Angrily, she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, taking a deep breath as if her next words were physically painful to utter. "I really hate to be that person but I'm going to ask you to choose. It's her or me."

"Patty…" He started.

"I mean it!" She cut him off, not letting him the opportunity to manage to change her mind.

Barry shook his head. "I can't leave her, she really needs the support right now."

Patty let out a humourless chuckle as she shook her head. "I knew it… I'm not even surprised. I see the deep connection between you two. I never stood a chance…"

"Don't say that…" He croaked, his heart suddenly very heavy and a lump creating itself in his throat.

"The worst thing is that you don't even realise it." Patty pointed out. "She could find help with anyone of us. We are all here for her too. But there's something about you and her, and I really don't want to be in the middle of it."

"Patty…" He trailed off with a strained voice.

"I'm sorry, Barry," she shook her head again, "but maybe we should take a break."

He gaped at her. "A break? What does that even mean?"

"It means that if you walk out that door to join your ex, then I'll pack my things and be in my car in less than an hour. I'll go back home and when you come back in a few days, we'll see where it leaves us." Patty took a deep breath, her face suddenly strained by the fight. "But I wouldn't put too much hope in us getting back on track. Maybe your mind hasn't caught up with your heart yet, but I did. You still have real feelings for her."

Barry shook his head and took a step forward. "It's not like that. We just have a lot of history together."

Patty shrugged sadly. "Exactly." She simply said before gathering her computer and heading towards the stairs. "Goodbye Barry."

The young man looked at his girlfriend – or ex-girlfriend – disappearing into the stairway. "Bye." He whispered.

What had just happened? He really hadn't expected this turn of events when he woke up this morning or when they left Ryker Neve or even when he asked Caitlin to join them. Had he really ignored Patty as she said he did? Had he really been inconsiderate towards her?

Without dwelling too much on it, Barry chased the single tear that had rolled down his cheek and left the house – he'd think about it later. Caitlin looked up from her phone when she heard the front door open. She was casually leaning back against the car waiting for him.

The smile she had been wearing instantly fell as she saw the storm in his eyes. "Everything okay?" She asked worriedly. "I heard some shouting."

Barry's features softened at her tone and waved her comment aside. "Nah, don't worry, it was nothing. Everything's peachy." He cheered, contouring the car to get in the driver's seat.

Caitlin frowned as she also got in the car, not completely believing his statement, but deciding to let it go for the time being. She, better than anyone, knew not to push someone to talk if they didn't want to. She knew that Barry would tell her what was bothering him, if he wanted to.

Well she hoped so at least.

* * *

After asking for information at the front desk, Barry and Caitlin made their way towards the room 358 where Anthony Knus was currently residing. They found the man Barry had saved sitting on his hospital bed, playing with the television's remote control, not finding any program to his taste.

His face immediately brightened up as he saw the two young people enter the room. "Oh there's my favourite couple of lifesavers!" Anthony exclaimed himself

"Oh we're not…" Caitlin blushed furiously while shaking her head.

"How are you holding up?" Barry spoke before she could finish her sentence.

"Like I drank too much salty water?" Anthony joked. "But I'm good, I'm actually being discharged now. I'll be home in a couple of hours."

"Well I'm glad to hear that." Caitlin softly said.

"What about you? Everything's okay?" Anthony asked in direction of Barry.

"Yeah, I think so." Barry smiled before gesturing towards Caitlin. "But Caitlin here insisted that I get a last check up, as we're already at the hospital anyway." He added, with a fake annoyance tone to his voice.

Caitlin glared at him. "Well they have way more tech here to make sure that you're okay." She explained seriously, not liking that Barry was taking his drowning so lightly. "I really want to make sure everything's fine." She added with a softer voice, her eyes never leaving his, almost forgetting about the actual patient in the room.

But he didn't seem to mind; Anthony just watched them with a big grin on his face. Their behaviour did nothing to contradict him jumping to conclusion that they were a couple.

Barry seemed to realise that they had been staring at each other and he cleared his throat, turning his attention back to Anthony. "Can I ask you a question?"

Anthony shrugged. "Sure, it's a free country."

Barry chuckled, slightly shaking his head in amusement. He liked that guy. "Why were you in the water in the first place?"

The careless expression on the man's face immediately fell, replaced by strained lines and a pained twitch of his mouth. "I'm not proud of it but… My fiancé dumped me a few days ago, one freaking week before the wedding… I tried to change her mind, but she firmly stood by her decision. I couldn't do anything to make her stay. She wanted to leave." He let out a deep breath, not quite meeting his visitors' gazes. "She gave me all of her reasons – which were valid – but I couldn't help but feel like it was my fault even when she said it wasn't. I couldn't help feeling that it was because I didn't give her enough reasons to stay with me."

Barry shook his head. "Hey, it's not your fault if she didn't love you as much as you loved her. It happens."

"I know that," a weak smile appeared on Anthony's lips, "I just couldn't handle it. I felt dead inside, like I couldn't feel anything anymore. I knew that going in the water was crazy, but I needed to feel something, you know?"

Caitlin gave him an apologetic look, relating a bit too much to what he was saying.

"When you lose something you love like that, you don't know what to do." Anthony continued, letting the words flow out of his mouth as if he had been dying to confide himself to someone. "It was like I was fighting against a ghost. I can't do anything concrete to actually move on, you know? She left and I was alone with a void. How are you supposed to deal with that?" He let a hand run through his hair before shrugging. "Going into the water was giving a tangible form to what I was fighting against." He finally admitted.

Those words struck a chord inside Caitlin. It was as if they had snapped something back in its place. She perfectly knew how it felt to be left with a void and not knowing how to deal with it, wanting to fight it but not knowing how. Because how do you fight something you can't see?

"I know it was reckless," Anthony continued, "but for the first time in days, I felt like I had something to fight against, I had a reason to live, I didn't want to die. I just wanted something to fight against. And when I realised I wouldn't be able to get out of there, I panicked and immediately regretted my decision." He finally lifted his eyes to look at his visitors. "So believe me, I'll never do that again. I learned my lesson. And I'm really grateful for both of you for saving my life. I'll never be able to repay you."

Barry shrugged and genuinely smiled at him. "Do me a favour. Just live your life fully, don't look back."

Anthony simply nodded. "I'm moving on."

Those words rang like a mantra inside Caitlin's mind.

_I'm moving on. I'm moving on. I'm moving on. I'm moving on._

And she knew it was time for her to do the same and not just pretend to do it.


	11. I'll Be There For You

" _No one could ever know me  
No one could ever see me  
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me  
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with  
Someone I'll always laugh with  
Even at my worst, I'm best with you, yeah!_

It's like you're always stuck in second gear  
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year"

_"I'll Be There For You – The Rembrandts"_

* * *

He could only see her back, her tense shoulders and her arm mechanically moving following a certain pattern. The room was silent except for the chopping noise the knife she had in her hand was making. He stayed there for moment, watching her at the kitchen counter, cutting some vegetables. She didn't seem to notice his presence there so he enjoyed the short moment of catching her unaware.

After the visit at the hospital and a quick check up on Barry's health, they had gone straight back to the beach house. Everything was fine with him, the doctors just repeated that he had to take things easy and rest a lot. Some test results would take a few days to come, but they weren't worried. Barry had been really, _really_ , lucky.

Caitlin had promised she would prepare the dinner for that evening, so, as soon as they had arrived at the house, she had disappeared into the kitchen and Barry had decided to leave her alone for a bit and follow his doctors' orders and had gone to take a nap.

He had noticed how silent Caitlin had been after their little conversation with Anthony. It seemed like his words had stirred something inside the young doctor and Barry couldn't quite put his finger on it. He wanted to ask, but he didn't. And the last glance she had sent him before going to the kitchen told him she was grateful he didn't push for answers.

But now, almost four hours later, Caitlin was still in the kitchen and Barry was beginning to get worried about her. He didn't think it would take her that long to cook their dinner. When he stepped inside the kitchen, he saw that she was still in the second phase of her cooking process. Which meant she hadn't spent the last four hours cooking. Knowing her, she had probably spent her time deep in her thoughts, enjoying the alone time.

"Do you need a hand?" He came up behind her, startling her as he rested one hand on her shoulder.

"Geez, Barry! You seriously have to stop doing that!" She hissed as she did a small jump. "You know better than to scare a girl with a knife in her hand." She berated him. "Or I'll literally take the hand you just offered." She added with narrowed eyes, gesturing her knife threateningly at him.

Barry lifted his hands in surrender and grinned. "Sorry."

Caitlin rolled her eyes at him but the thin line of her lips transformed into a smile. That damn smirk of his was always so contagious that she could do nothing other than stare at it and smile back. When she realised she was staring, her eyes flew up and locked with his for a moment. Caitlin's heart missed a beat. It didn't help that a few hours ago she had promised herself that she would really try to move on. Even though her head knew Barry wasn't the answer to that, her heart always seemed to betray her when he was concerned.

There was a certain amount of tension floating around them and she couldn't have any of that. So she tore her eyes away, looking back at her cutting board.

"Anyway," she breathed out, breaking the tension, "I'm almost done here, so there isn't much for you to do."

With that, Caitlin went back to chopping, expecting him to leave. But he didn't budge.

"Well then, I'll just keep you company." Barry cheered, leaning back against the counter next to her. "Besides, I think it's better this way. I'm sure you remember how skilled I am in the kitchen." He added with a shrug, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Caitlin bit her lower lip to keep a giggle from escaping. But when she glanced at him and her laughing hazel-brown eyes met his twinkling green ones, the sound just came tumbling out of her mouth. Barry couldn't help thinking it was music to his ears and he willingly joined in her fit of laughter. A couple of minutes passed by until they could catch their breaths again. They both perfectly knew to which incident he was referring.

* * *

_Caitlin let her finger slide under her bag's strap, trying to lessen the weight off her shoulder. But she knew it would only give her a few seconds of relief. She tried to pick up her pace, but she was already weary from the school day she just had behind her._

_She stopped for a moment, readjusting her heavy shoulder bag before resuming her walk. She was almost there anyway, it wouldn't be long until she'd be at her boyfriend's house, enjoying a huge glass of water and just chill for the rest of her Friday._

_A stupid English project had kept her occupied for the past couple of hours at her high school while all of her friends had already gone home to begin their weekend. But no. Caitlin Snow was too serious for that. She wanted to finish that project before the end of the day. So she had dragged her project partner with her to the library and they had worked hard on it._

_Two hours later, the project was practically done but her partner had begged her to stop now and finish it later in the weekend or even next week. Caitlin had wanted to protest, but she couldn't help feeling tired too. So she had reluctantly agreed and the other girl had ran out of the library as if it had been on fire. Caitlin couldn't hold it against her. She, herself, just wanted one thing: get rid of her bag and cuddle up with Barry._

_Everything froze when she turned the corner of Barry's street. She felt her heart drop in her chest and her breath catch in her throat as she saw a revolving red light shining just in front of his house. She barely registered the fire truck that was attached to it. She dropped her heavy bag, which made a loud 'thump' as it hit the floor, her books spilling out, and she ran towards Barry's house. Frenetically, she looked around to see if she spotted any gurney or any injured person._

_But she didn't see any._

_Panicked, she made her way inside and there she saw Henry Allen calmly talking to two firemen. She thought she heard him apologise but she wasn't paying that much attention to the conversation._

_When she caught Henry's eyes, he smiled at her and nodded towards the kitchen. "He's in there." He informed her. She didn't need to ask whom he was talking about, she already knew._

_The first thing she saw as she stepped inside the kitchen – even though a thick smoke was still very much present, trying to make an escape through the opened windows – was Barry slumped on a chair in his whole lanky glory. His elbows rested on his knees, his face was buried in his hands and his hair was sticking up in an even messier state than usual. As if he had felt her presence, he lifted his head slowly._

_Barry looked sheepishly at her. "I tried to make that Italian dish you really wanted to try, with pasta and cheese and ham, the whole lot in the oven, you know? I wanted to surprise you with it because I knew you would be dead tired." His eyes dropped down to the burnt plate. "It didn't go so well…"_

_Her eyes followed his and she gaped at the state the plate was in. She could barely make out the remains of pasta. She then looked at the ruined oven, the burnt door torn out, and bits of dark smoke coming out of it. She realised then how this could have gone very,_ very _, wrong. She turned her attention back to Barry who was waiting for her reaction._

_Caitlin hastily closed the distance between them and kneeled in front of him, her hands instantly encasing his face to make sure he wasn't hurt._

_"Are you okay?" She finally breathed out._

_"Don't worry, I'm fine." He rapidly reassured her. "Really!" He added as she raised a doubtful eyebrow. "I'm just really embarrassed right now."_

_A relieved chuckle escaped Caitlin and a shy smile turned Barry's lips up as he saw her reaction. But his smile dropped down as Caitlin suddenly swatted him in the shoulder._

_"Ouch! For real?" He squealed, lifting a hand to sooth the shoulder she had hit._

_"You scared me to death, Barry!" She almost shouted, her voice thick with worry._

_Barry looked apologetically at her before gathering her in his arms. She automatically straddled his lap and buried her head in the crook of his neck as she loved to do, but his usual scent had a new smoky touch that she wasn't sure she liked. No, she hated it for sure. It only reminded her how simple things could turn south and how fragile life could be._

_But Caitlin relaxed immediately once Barry dropped a soft kiss to her hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Cait." He whispered into her ear and she really wanted to believe him._

" _I dropped my bag outside when I saw the fire truck, so you'll have to move your butt to go and get it for me." She mumbled in response, not wanting to stay too long in a heavy conversation. "You owe me that at the very least."_

_Barry just chuckled with a nod and tightened his grip on her._

* * *

"What are the others doing?" Caitlin inquired as she transferred the chopped tomatoes from the cutting board to a bowl. Barry stole one piece in the process and she playfully swatted his hand away. "Quit it!" She protested.

The young man beamed innocently at her before answering. "Eddie and Lily are playing cards on the beach. That girl is the devil; she wins every round… Even against me!" He whined, earning him an all too well known Caitlin-Snow-roll-of-eyes. "And Iris is finishing one of her articles she has to write for next week's special edition."

Caitlin nodded and went to the cupboard, retrieving some more ingredients. She frowned when Barry stopped talking. She couldn't help noticing he had left someone out.

"What about Patty?" She asked as curiosity got the best of her.

Barry's eyes fell down to his hands that were nervously playing with the hem of his button down shirt. Caitlin waited for his answer, going back to chopping. She guessed his discomfort was linked to the state he had been in when they had left the house to go to the hospital earlier today. And again, she would let him the choice to talk about it or not.

A couple of minutes passed by before she heard him exhale loudly next to her. "Patty left," he sighed, "I think she broke up with me."

"What?" Caitlin squealed in surprise. The knife she had been holding in her right hand slipped up her fingers and made a clatter as it fell on the cutting board. As a reflex, Caitlin lifted both her hands to make sure she wouldn't cut herself. "What do you mean, you _think_ she broke up with you?" She asked once she made sure the knife was lying somewhere safe.

Barry shrugged, trying to act unaffected by the subject of their conversation, but not quite meeting her eyes. "She said we needed a break but also that she wasn't sure we could ever go back to being a couple. Which is completely absurd if you asked me."

Caitlin sent him an apologetic look. "Oh I'm so sorry, Barry… what happened? I mean, why did she suggest the break in the first place?"

Barry took a deep breath a stole another piece of tomato from the bowl. Caitlin didn't even bother to try to stop him this time – she didn't have the heart to. She could perfectly see that he was reluctant to tell her the real reason behind the break up. She didn't want to push him, but at the same time it was killing her not knowing why.

Finally, he met her eyes and her heart skipped a beat at the intensity she saw in them. "She asked me to choose between you two…" Barry replied softly.

Caitlin's jaw dropped and her eyes went completely round. She couldn't believe Patty had given him an ultimatum – _that_ ultimatum above all. Sure Patty and her weren't the best of friends, but they had gotten along in the few times they had spent a moment together. Caitlin's eyes got even bigger when she realised what his statement actually meant. "And you chose me? Are you crazy?!" She gasped.

Barry frowned at her reaction. "I actually expected more sympathy and gratitude from you."

"What?" Caitlin shook her head as if she was really thinking he was crazy. "No Barry, I'm not worth it! I know you're trying to be a good friend by not leaving me alone. But I'm not worth you ruining your relationship!"

"Of course you are, Cait!" Barry protested, his heart breaking for how little she was considering her worth to him. "I promised I'd be there for you. I'm not letting anything come in between!"

Caitlin's breath caught in her throat and her heart began beating crazily as if she was in a heavy workout session. She could feel her pulse beat crazily against her throat and if Barry's eyes weren't set on her own, he would probably see it thumping against her skin. His words were sending her mind and heart into frenzy and she couldn't do anything to stop it. She didn't want to feel like this, but Barry Allen was Barry Allen. And she never had had any control over herself when he was concerned.

She opened and closed her mouth half a dozen of times, not finding the right words to reply. "But we're talking about your relationship here!" She finally retorted. She had no idea for how long Barry and Patty had formed a couple, but to her, they looked serious about each other. "I don't want you to put your life aside for me. I know I'm a mess, but I can take care of myself without you. You have to tell her you changed your mind."

"No." He simply stated, crossing his arms on his chest.

"Why the hell not?" She squealed, a bit taken aback by his firm voice.

He didn't flinch. "Because that'd be a lie." He simply pointed out. "I'm not changing my mind, Cait. If she gave me the choice again, I would choose you again, without a doubt."

"Damn it, Barry!" She cursed, slightly thumping her foot on the floor. "Why do you always have to be so stubborn?!"

Barry simply shrugged, his arms still crossed on his chest, and stared at her in silence, not budging from his spot, showing her he wouldn't change his mind. He was firmly standing by his decision.

"Did you at least fight for her? Did you try to change her mind?" Caitlin insisted.

At those words, Barry looked down sheepishly and she instantly understood that, even though he didn't want to show it, his choice was heavy on his mind.

"Barry…" She whispered, trying to make him speak up his mind.

He took a deep breath and looked up. "I tried to convince her we didn't have to take a break, but…" he shook his head, as if searching for the right words to describe his thoughts, "I didn't fight as hard as I should have." He finished in a whisper.

"Why didn't you?" She murmured her question, afraid that his reply would hold too much importance.

Barry shrugged as if trying to lessen the seriousness of their conversation. "I don't know… I chose you before I could even think about it." He simply said.

Voicing the fact that he would make the same choice over and over again made him wonder why he _hadn't_ fought more for Patty, why he hadn't been the great boyfriend he had always been ever since Caitlin had come back into town. It made him wonder why he didn't feel heartbroken like he thought he should be, like when Caitlin had broken up with him. He really, _really_ , liked Patty. But maybe that was the problem. He wasn't in love with her. In another life, in another universe, maybe he could have.

But he had given his heart to a girl a long time ago and he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't get it back. He didn't _want_ to get it back.

The thought made him feel even worse, realising how badly he had treated Patty these past few weeks. First he had lied about the nature of his past relationship with Caitlin. Secondly he had diminished the importance of him spending time with his ex. Then he had invited her to their away vacation and, on top of that, he had been paying more attention to Caitlin then Patty. When had he turned into such an awful boyfriend?

Caitlin let out a frustrated puff of air and went back to chopping her vegetables, trying to ignore his burning gaze still firmly set on her. Everything was a mess. She really didn't need this right now. She didn't need her heart jumping in her chest because Barry had chosen her over Patty, she didn't need her brain reading too much into it, she didn't need the shivers running along her spine every time he looked at her, she didn't need the itching feeling to drop everything and gather him in her arms to comfort him.

Suddenly, Barry frowned and tilted his head forward a bit to take a better look at her face. "Caitlin, are you crying?" He asked, surprise filling his voice.

She wiped the tears away from her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Stupid freaking onions." She groaned.

Barry glanced down at the kitchen counter and saw the onions she was currently cutting. He hadn't even realised that's what she had taken out of the cabinet a few minutes ago. He let a chuckle escape from his lips that earned him a glare from her. But that only made him laugh louder.

And as always, his laugh was contagious and Caitlin was taken into a fit of laughter too, forgetting the heavy subject that had been floating around them.

She thought she didn't need all of this. But maybe she did need it. Because he made her feel lighter without doing anything special, by simply being there for her. He made her laugh without even trying, he took her mind off her brooding thoughts with a simple touch, he helped her standing when she felt like everything around her was crumbling down.

Maybe she did need _him_.

And maybe, just _maybe_ , he needed _her_.

She knew she would do anything to help him out, even if that meant helping him patch things up with Patty.

Caitlin finished chopping the onions and turned her focus back to cooking, pulling out a pan out of the cupboard, pouring olive oil in it, making a sauce… Barry stayed with her the whole time, telling her stories about the last eight to ten years they had been apart, making her laugh while she continued cooking.

He narrated everything with such perfect details and simple words that, after half a dozen stories, it almost felt like she had been there to witness those moments. So she began telling him a few of her own memories, sharing with him what he was sharing with her. There was absolutely no tension in the room, the atmosphere was light and easy – like it had almost always been with the two of them.

Sharing those memories also showed them they had changed over the years. She learned things about him that she had never known, like he stopped running tracks just after high school and only went jogging once a week; he didn't eat his French fries with mayonnaise anymore but with ketchup; he had gotten a motorbike for his 25th birthday but, for the sake of his father's sanity, didn't ride it as much as he would like to; he spent every Christmas with his dad and the West-Thawne family; every time he went to visit his mother at the cemetery, he would drop by her father's grave to put her favourite flowers; he developed a coffee addiction just after she left for Central City for the second time, when his mother's health state worsened; and so on…

Sharing those memories made them feel like they had been part of each other's life all along.

They were interrupted by the sound of running naked little feet on the wooden floor coming straight towards them. Lily came barging into the room with wild hair and a huge smile on her lips.

"I'm hungry!" She chirped loudly, tugging on Caitlin's shirt to have her full attention. "When is dinner ready?"

Caitlin chuckled and Barry grabbed the little girl by her waist and lifted her in his arms, letting her rest on his hip. "Hey there, little monster! Is that how you show your gratitude to Caitlin for cooking?" He asked her, his fingers playfully tickling her.

Lily tried to fight his fingers away and laughed. "Sorry." She mumbled in between two giggles.

Caitlin smiled softly at her. "It's okay sweetie. Dinner is actually ready, we just have to put everything on the table and then we can eat."

"Cool!" The little girl clapped in her hands and then turned to Barry with a very serious look and a pout. "Put me down, uncle Barry, I'll tell mom and dad that we're going to eat soon."

"Yes ma'am." Barry chuckled and put the little girl back down on the floor. She was gone as quickly as she had come. Barry shouted for her to be careful, but he doubted she had heard any of his words.

Caitlin smiled sweetly at him. She loved seeing him interact with the little girl, she could see he absolutely adored assuming the uncle role for Lily, since Eddie and Iris were both only child. And Barry apparently took that role very seriously.

Barry and Caitlin were putting everything they needed for dinner on the table when Iris, Eddie and their little girl came in with laughter and good mood.

Caitlin received a handful of compliments for her cooking skills and she had to blush at the attention. Barry just had to tease her about it, just for good measure. They talked about nothing and everything while sharing their meal and everyone was just content and happy. Even Lily took gladly part in the conversation, making the adults laugh at her cheery behaviour, not quite understanding where she found all her energy after the long day she had spent on the beach.

But nobody talked about the elephant in the room. They didn't talk about the empty chair at the table that had been occupied by a certain blond cop the same morning. They didn't talk about the way Barry would glance at Caitlin every few minutes to check if she was okay. They didn't talk about Caitlin tucking her hair behind her ear every time she caught herself looking at Barry for a bit too long. They didn't talk about the knowing glances Eddie and Iris exchanged during the night every time they caught the two other adults.

But they didn't need to talk about all of this. They didn't want to, afraid that their frail moment of happiness would crumble down to pieces if confronted with the truth. So they decided that only time would give them answers.

For now, they were happy.


	12. Latch

" _You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down,  
You, you enchant me even when you're not around,  
If there, there are boundaries,  
I will try to knock them down,  
I'm latching on babe,  
Now I know what I have found,  
I feel we're close enough,  
I wanna lock in your love,  
I feel we're close enough,  
I wanna lock in your love"_

_"Latch – Kodaline"_

* * *

"Okay guys, Lily is getting tired. We should head home to put her to bed." Iris informed them, gesturing towards the little girl already fast asleep in Eddie's arms.

As the summer was approaching, the little town, where Joe's beach house was, was currently hosting a huge music festival along the beach. The little gang of friends hadn't hesitated to go take a look and had spent the last few hours wandering between the different groups and music genre. The atmosphere was pretty much carefree.

The beach was buzzing with people coming from everywhere to enjoy the beginning of good weather, good food and good music. Barry and Lily had been really excited when they had found out about the music festival, the young man probably a little more and the little girl had followed her uncle's excitement just because she found it really fun.

They had left the house in the early afternoon and had been wandering on the beach ever since. It was now getting late, the sun was setting down, and after enjoying a well deserved – or not – ice cream, Lily had fallen almost immediately asleep in her father's arms. Considering the way the little girl had been running around the whole afternoon, it wasn't a real surprise to see her out like a light.

Barry smiled when he realised that Eddie's eyes were also beginning to droop. After all, he had been the one running after the little girl most of the time to make sure nothing happened to her. The blond man wouldn't need much time to fall asleep too.

Caitlin nodded, as she also spotted the tired look on Eddie's face. "Sure, let's go."

Iris stopped her as soon as she noticed Barry's pout. "Oh please, don't leave because of us, old parents that we are. You two can stay."

Caitlin was about to protest but Barry turned to face her, pulling out his best puppy eyes. "Can we stay, pleeaase?" The young man pleaded. "You can't leave me here alone… what if I need you to save me again?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes at him. Deep inside, he was still the same teenager and she couldn't bring herself to mind. She just wasn't going to let him know that. She glanced at Iris that nodded towards her, telling her that they should stay, and the young doctor turned back to Barry. "Okay, fine," she huffed half-heartedly, "but don't expect me to patch you up every time you break something." She warned him seriously, biting her lower lip to keep herself from smiling.

"Yes!" Barry cheered, fist-pumping the air. "Come on, I heard there was a great band playing not far from here." He chimed, grabbing Caitlin by her shoulders and guiding her towards the right direction. "See you later guys!" Barry called over his shoulder towards Iris and Eddie.

The young parents just chuckled at Barry and Caitlin's banter. Iris had to admit; she had missed seeing both of her friends like this. In the last couple of days, she had felt them getting closer. Caitlin seemed lighter and Barry seemed to handle his break – or break-up – with Patty pretty well. She knew he was covering up part of his heartache but that it was also easier to handle it thanks to the young doctor spending her time with him. But Iris didn't say a word about it – it wasn't her place.

At least not yet.

Caitlin liked to say she was staying close to him to keep an eye on his health state, but they all knew it was a weak excuse. They had gotten every last test results from the hospital and everything was still fine with Barry. But the young man was absolutely not complaining to be the aim of Caitlin's attention.

Iris knew better. And with a secret smile on her lips, she took Eddie's hand, dropped a kiss on her daughter's hair and they made their way back to the beach house. She didn't need to worry about her two friends tonight, she could enjoy her time with her husband.

* * *

She had no idea where she was going, where she was and how long it would take for her to get where she wanted to go. Well, where Barry wanted to go. The only thing Caitlin knew was that she was probably in a state of tachycardia – her heartbeat was way above average. She was almost running behind him – she didn't really have a choice as he had a firm grip on her arm, pulling her behind him. She followed him blindly towards the place where he had said a great band was playing.

For the first time in a really long time, she actually didn't mind not knowing where she was going. She trusted him. She was okay with not being in total control over the situation.

Soon, as they approached the stage Barry had mentioned, music filled their ears and Barry slowed his pace down – kind of abruptly as she almost bumped into his hard body when he stopped running. It was a huge mix of Pop and Techno music, not at all Caitlin's usual style of music but she had to admit that the rhythm was really catchy. Barry let go of the arm he had been holding as he turned around and stood in front of her, sprawling his arms.

"So?" He shouted to her over the music. "Not bad, huh?"

Caitlin glanced around her and shrugged, appearing detached from the euphoria of the crowd around them. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being right. Barry pouted and challenged himself to change her mind.

So Barry began dancing to the music, arms moving haphazardly around his body, showing off his goofiest moves – moves he knew could be described as completely ridiculous. Caitlin tried to keep a straight face as he continued dancing like a crazy kid, and she glanced around her to see if anyone was watching him. But every single person seemed in its own world, not really caring about some random dance moves. Caitlin couldn't help the small blush from appearing on her cheeks as she looked back at Barry. Maybe he had had one beer too many. But she doubted he was drunk. They hadn't had enough alcohol for that.

No, he was just trying to get her to loosen up, showing her that nobody around them actually cared about how awkward he looked. When he pulled out his best 80's dance moves, a clear laugh escaped Caitlin's lips and her straight persona crumbled to the ground, the red completely disappearing from her cheeks, even though her right hand still flew to her lips, trying to catch the giggle. There were absolutely no reasons to hold back. She was here to enjoy some time off, so what was keeping her from it?

Barry beamed at her as he saw her almost carefree smile. She just needed a little push for it to be completely carefree. He had to give her that push.

So the young man faked having a lasso in his hands and pretended to throw it around her body before pulling on the imaginary line. Caitlin rolled her eyes and giggled at his antics. But she willingly closed the gap between them as if being pulled by his lasso.

Barry burst out laughing and she felt her heart swell in her chest. This man was absolutely crazy, but that was nothing new. She had always loved that side of him.

While he toned down his crazy dance moves, she joined him, leaving the doctor behind and bringing back the twenty-something girl she had hidden inside of herself. Together they danced heart and soul to the music without holding anything back.

"I have to admit; this band is pretty good." Caitlin commented after a few minutes, rising on her tiptoes to speak into his ear to cover the loud sound of music, her hand going to his shoulder to keep balance. She slightly chewed on her lower lip as she pulled back, trying to ignore the way his scent had instantly filled her nostrils.

His head swiftly turned towards her and a goofy smile was plastered on his features. "See? Told ya!"

Caitlin chuckled. "Alright, there's no need to gloat." She glared at him but she couldn't really hide her amusement as she continued to dance with him.

And maybe it was because of the few beers they had shared, or maybe it was because of the huge history between them, or maybe it was because of the way he was here for her, or maybe it was because of the intense looks he had been giving her these last couple of days, or maybe it was simply because of the lingering feelings they had for each other that would probably never completely disappear, but as time passed, their body seemed closer and closer until almost no space was left in-between.

Caitlin could feel his hot breath on her neck, his warm hands clutching at her waist, his hard chest pressing against hers, his broad shoulders steady under her arms, his messy hair tickling her fingers, the soft skin of his neck against her cheek… She knew she shouldn't stand so close to him, she knew she shouldn't hold on to him so fiercely, she knew she should stop dancing right now.

But he made her feel so utterly good and his presence made her so dizzy that she couldn't bring herself to pull away. As if he were her drug that she had gone without for way too long. Being this close to him again was erasing all of her common sense and she simply couldn't bring herself to break the contact.

Barry wasn't pulling away either. And he was the one who was supposed to be more grounded right now, who, just a couple of days ago, had had a girlfriend. They were both still dealing with remaining relationships issues; a worst timing couldn't possibly exist. But she didn't want to think about that right now. So she just danced.

Her breath caught in her throat when he moved his head and locked his green eyes straight with her hazel-brown ones. It felt like time froze around them. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and, of course, his eyes flitted down to her pink and plump lips. They weren't dancing anymore, but still clutching at each other. Just standing still. The world around them shut out from their own little bubble.

For a short instant, Caitlin seemed to spot a flash of recognition strike in his sea green eyes and very slowly, his head seemed to lean towards hers. She didn't know if it was her imagination, but she seemed to push herself on her tiptoes to help him reduce the gap between their faces. She itched to feel his soft lips against hers again, even though her fuzzy brain was shouting at her, warning her to stop. Right now.

They were saved – is that what it was? – by a vibration against their thigh. Caitlin frowned in confusion, dropping back fully on the ball of her feet, and Barry blushed at the realisation of what they had possibly been about to do.

Apologetically, Barry let go of her waist and took a step back. He fished his phone in his pants' front pocket and moved away to answer the call. Instantly, Caitlin flushed. She had been pressed so close against his body that she had felt his phone vibrate against her thigh – through his pants' pocket! How had she allowed herself getting so close to him? Who knew what they would have been doing right now if no one had called Barry. Probably something they would've both regretted after…

And yet, she could still feel the lingering presence of his face close to hers. And her damn heart couldn't stop fluttering at the thought.

Barry came back a short moment after, putting his phone back into his pocket and staying at a safe distance from Caitlin – meaning he needed some control so he wouldn't reach out to grab her and resume what they had been doing.

"That was Iris," he explained in a hoarse voice, "she wanted to let us know that they were leaving the back door of the beach house open so that we could enter. We forgot to take the spare key."

Caitlin wordlessly nodded, her lower lip finding its way back to its favourite place: trapped between her teeth. She let her eyes travel over their surroundings, going everywhere except him. Nobody seemed to notice them.

"Hey," Barry suddenly called for her attention, his voice easily covering the music, "do you want to go somewhere more quiet?" He asked.

She finally looked back at him and simply said, "okay", before following him out of the crowd and towards a more silent place on the beach.

They walked back towards the beach house where they knew were a few nice places where they could just sit and talk without being pushed around by some drunk people or turning deaf by the loud music. They didn't say a single word while walking and the silence between them was almost as deafening as the music festival. They also kept a safe distance between them, not daring touching the other. They were both thinking about what had just happened, what could've happened, what almost happened.

And neither of them really knew what to think about it.

They finally reached a calm spot on the beach not far from Joe's house and they silently sat down on the sand, facing the water. And for a long moment, neither said a single word.

A gush of wind blew some of Caitlin's hair in her face. The movement caught Barry's eyes and he quietly watched as she raised her left hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

That's when he saw it – or rather didn't see it.

"Did you… did you lose your engagement ring?" He asked worriedly as her bare finger caught his attention, his eyes instantly searching frenetically around them to see if he could spot the piece of jewellery.

Caitlin frowned at his state and looked at her ring finger. "Oh no… I took it off." She whispered.

Barry froze on the spot, his jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. "You… You took your engagement ring off?" He repeated to make sure his ears weren't playing a mean trick on him.

Caitlin's fingers ghosted over the place where her ring had left a single small tan line. "Yeah well, I realised that in order to move on, I actually had to accept that Ronnie wouldn't come back." She sighed before looking back at the water. "Wearing the ring was like waiting for him to come back." She silently admitted.

Barry shook his head to get rid of the shock of her admission and he then frowned. "Not always. It can also be a way to remember him." He suggested softly.

"True," Caitlin shrugged, "but I don't need a ring to remember him. I had a really good life with him, and I have enough memories to make sure I'll never forget him."

"Our memories keep all of our loved ones alive." Barry nodded before adding, "I noticed you don't talk much about him."

His words floated in the air for a brief moment during which Caitlin seemed to be choosing her words with care.

"You never really asked…" She silently trailed off. "And I usually prefer talking about something else so I don't have to face the truth."

He instantly felt guilty for bringing it up. Because she was right, he usually tried to keep her mind off Ronnie so she could feel better. But avoiding an issue wasn't the answer to getting better.

Her fingers left the empty space her ring had left and went to bury themselves in the sand, enjoying the feeling of the small grains slipping against her skin. She inhaled deeply before speaking again. "I think it's also what makes it so hard. Having all those wonderful memories and not getting the chance to experience them again, or experience something similar with him." A beat or two passed before she continued. "The relationship I had with Ronnie wasn't perfect, but it worked perfectly. We fought but we also laughed so much that it made it all worth it. He always knew how to make me feel better and to balance my too serious edges."

With her left hand, she took a handful of sand and let the small grains escape her fingers, making her think of an hourglass, representing how time came and went again, how her time with Ronnie was completely gone. "I was so mad…" she whispered. "I still am. Angry at how he got robbed away from me. But I'm beginning to accept it. You showed me it was still okay to have fun and make new memories even if he's not here anymore. You showed me I didn't need to feel guilty every time I smiled. I'm still alive and I owe it to all those who left us to make the most of it."

Barry's breath caught in his throat from her speech. "I didn't do much." He whispered, not sure she would actually hear him.

"You just being here is enough." Her eyes discreetly glanced at him before looking away again. "You lost your mother and you moved on way better than me, even though I know it still affects you. You kept that joy of life you always had when some people would've crumbled to the ground. You're happy, though I know you'd bring her back in the blink of an eye if you had the chance."

He felt his heart drop in his chest at the mention of his mother. There wasn't a day passing by where he didn't think about her.

"So I took my ring off," Caitlin continued, oblivious to the effect her words had on him, "and I have to thank you for this. You're a great friend even if I pushed you away more than once. And I'm truly sorry if me being here led to problems between you and Patty."

He let a dismissive puff of air escape his mouth. "Don't worry about that. I wouldn't do it any other way if I had the chance. I'm here for you. I'm just glad I can actually help you, that you're _letting me_ help you."

Caitlin titled her head to the side and finally looked at him with a slight frown. "I know you cared about her, you don't have to hide that from me to spare me the guilt that comes with being the reason a perfectly healthy relationship fell apart."

Barry shook his head. "If it was so perfect, it wouldn't have fallen apart like it did." He replied softly. He wasn't saying that just to ease her mind.

He and Patty had been comfortable around each other, they had had their little routine for the couple of years they had been together and there wasn't any drama. All it had needed to break was a small change and insecurities had surfaced. Caitlin came back and all of a sudden he didn't seem quite as into that relationship as he had been before. He hated himself for that but he couldn't do anything against it. He knew he would try to talk about it with Patty once back in Ryker Neve, but he didn't put too much hope into saving their relationship. It wasn't his priority right now, which should be a dead giveaway that this couple was done – or at least his side of the relationship.

"Still," Caitlin insisted, "I come back barging into your life and I mess everything up."

"Cait, look at me." He put two fingers under her chin to make her face him. "I'm a grown man, I make my own choices. I'm the one who acted like a jerk more than once in the past few weeks. I'm the one who insisted that you 'barge' into my life, as you say." He chuckled. "Hell you even warned me to stay away. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Except maybe being unable to resist my charm." He winked at her, trying to ease the weight of the conversation, his fingers leaving her chin.

The young doctor rolled her eyes as her lips curled up in a small smile. "Well, what I'm trying to say is 'thank you'. Not everyone would've done that for some high school ex-girlfriend."

"Well, I'm not everyone." He whispered, the intensity of his eyes catching her for the millionth time. "And we both know you're more than just 'some high school ex-girlfriend'."

A small giggle tumbled down her lips, as a weight seemed to be lifted off her shoulders.

"Come here." Barry murmured, before putting an arm around her shoulders and bringing her closer to him. She let her head fall down against his shoulder and let out a sigh of contentment as she caught his scent so close to her. "Everything is going to be okay."

And for the first time in a really long time, she really, _really_ , believed it.

"Can you promise me something?" Caitlin asked after a moment of silence.

"Sure."

Caitlin pushed herself away from Barry so that she could meet his eyes. "Will you please try to patch things up with Patty?"

For a few seconds, Barry didn't say a word. He just looked at her with furrowed eyebrows and lips set in a firm line. "Why do you want me to promise you that?" He finally asked.

She let out a small sigh before answering. "Because, you need to at least try and fight for her. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll get some closure by talking to her about it. I don't want you to just give up on her because of me. Patty doesn't deserve to be treated that way…"

"I get your point." He slowly nodded, his eyes staring into nothingness. "So I promise you, I'll try."

"Thank you." She breathed out.

Had she just convinced him to give Patty and him another shot? She did. Because she knew he would've done the same thing for her if the roles were reversed. But also because Barry was the kind of guy to let himself get eaten up by guilt if he let his relationship with Patty hanging like that.

Maybe they'll get back together, maybe they won't. One thing was for sure: they both deserved more out of this breakup. And Caitlin will be there for Barry no matter the outcome.


	13. Life In Colors

" _The sun bursts, clouds break  
This is life in color_

_Well you've seen my worst_   
_And yet you see some hope in me_   
_The black and white set us free_   
_Like the queen to the rook_   
_Your decision was a sure thing_   
_Honey yeah, a sure thing_   
_No wonder I feel_   
_Like I'm missing a heavy load"_

_"Life In Colors – OneRepublic"_

* * *

"Lily is quite taken by Caitlin."

The words almost startled the young man as his mind had been wandering the waves of thoughts, adopting a similar rhythm as the waves of the ocean ending their course on the white and hot sand. Time was flying by and he wasn't even realising it. It felt like their little holiday at the beach house had begun just this morning, and here he was, watching the day slipping away from his fingers on their last day here.

The week had been eventful, to say the least. He had drowned and his heart had literally stopped for a moment, his girlfriend had left him, he had gotten crazy on the dance floor, he had played hours with his niece, he had bathed in some nostalgic memories with his ex… Oh and he had also almost kissed Caitlin in the heat of a moment.

But he wasn't feeling anxious, like someone could feel on a Sunday night or on the last day of a break, realising he hadn't rested enough. No, Barry Allen felt content and completely okay with going back to his work on Monday morning. It was something new for him, but he wasn't complaining about the lack of anxiousness, to be honest.

Barry turned to his best friend and frowned, not quite understanding her words. "Huh?"

Iris chuckled and nodded towards her daughter and the young doctor playing along the water. "Lily. She loves Caitlin." She explained. "She can't stop talking about her ever since she patched her up after her little tricycle accident. And now she's like attached to her hip."

Iris and Barry were sitting a few meters back, catching the late afternoon sun on the beach on their last day there. Caitlin and Lily had been playing together for the past hour – since the last time they had actually gone into the water – and Eddie had already gone back to the house to pack a few things.

Barry beamed. "Oh yeah, Lily told me the story at least half a dozen times. She brings it up every time there's a silence a bit too long for her."

Iris chuckled again. She had also heard the story more than just a couple of times. Her daughter would bring it up at every opportunity possible. And now that she had gotten the chance to spend more time with the young doctor, most of Lily's sentences began with the name 'Caitlin'. It was quite endearing.

"Well, you have to understand…" Iris spoke with a fake dramatic voice as she retold her daughter's story. "She was hurt and alone and, there, out of nowhere, there's this beautiful young doctor that comes to the rescue. And on top of that, said super doctor is one of my great friends."

Barry sent her a wink as a laugh bubbled up his throat. "That's Caitlin for you, always helping the people in need."

"Well I sure hope she would help a hurt little girl." Iris replied, almost offended by what he could have implied. "She's a doctor after all, she _has_ to help. She took an oath, remember?"

Barry laughed at his best friend's reaction, making his whole body tremble. "You're making a very valid point there."

She smiled sweetly at him. "Yup, but you just wanted to compliment her because you just can't help it." The young woman teased, sending a knowing look in Barry's direction.

"Wh… what do you mean by that?" The young man gaped. He hadn't seen that one coming.

"Oh come on Barry." Iris snorted and nudged him playfully. "You've always had a soft spot for that girl. Ever since the first time we saw her when we were 14 and lost on our first day in high school. You couldn't utter a single straight sentence when she asked us if we knew the fastest way to the library. And ever since that day, you've never been able to let a good opportunity to compliment her pass by – well, when you could actually manage to put words together to make yourself intelligible."

Barry clicked his tongue in his mouth and pulled his head back, as if offended by Iris' words. "That's not true." He squeaked.

"Yes it is!" She insisted.

He decided to pout instead of engaging in a 'Yes-No-Yes' battle with Iris. He knew she would win anyway – she was a journalist after all, she had always been better than him with words. He pulled his knees up against his chest to brood in silence. "Whatever..." He scowled, crossing his arms on his knees and resting his head on them, still pouting like a little kid.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of Barr! It's just how it is." Iris pointed out softly, gently bumping against him.

Barry shrugged. "I guess I always wanted to make her realise how special she actually was." He finally admitted after a short moment of silence. It wasn't as if he could actually hide anything from Iris. "She's always so serious and controlling everything... she's never been able to accept a compliment. And now that she lost so much, I think she has an even harder time believing in herself. I want to help her see what I… what _we_ see in her."

Iris glanced back at the young doctor now running after the 4-year-old little girl who was shouting from happiness, trying to escape Caitlin's not-so-threatening grip. When the doctor finally picked the girl up, she made her way towards the water, faking small signs that she was about to drop her in it. Lily shouted and giggled and just held tighter onto Caitlin, arms around her neck, legs wrapped around her waist.

The chilled water was almost reaching Caitlin's knees when she stopped walking. Lily had stopped trying to escape and had a beaming smile on her lips. Caitlin slightly leaned forward and Lily lessened her grip with just one hand. She stretched her free arm towards the water, trying to catch a few drops, completely trusting Caitlin to not let her fall.

Iris didn't hesitate a second before grabbing her camera, standing up and positioning herself perfectly to snap a beautiful picture of her daughter in Caitlin's arms, the little girl's finger grazing the water. Iris came back to sit next to her best friend when Caitlin and Lily went back to build the sand castle they had been working on for the past hour.

"She seems happier, though." Iris stated as they both kept looking at the girls. "Caitlin seems lighter, somehow."

Barry silently nodded and his lips curled up into a soft smile. "She does, doesn't she?" He said proudly. "I think she's finally coming to term that none of what happened was her fault. I think she's progressively moving on, accepting her situation and making the most of it."

Iris glanced at the young man and saw that wistful look in his eyes as he stared at Caitlin. Iris was honestly beginning to think that her best friend had never stopped having more than friendly feelings for his ex-girlfriend and she was kind of scared for him. She was afraid he was in too deep and that, while too concerned about Caitlin, he wasn't taking himself into account. Because she had talked to Caitlin, she knew how much she loved her fiancé and how much losing him had taken a toll on her. She hadn't yet dared to ask the young doctor what she felt towards Barry – Iris didn't think she had the right to ask such a question – and she couldn't read her like she used to in high school.

Caitlin had changed. She was more protected than before, more cautious with her decisions and her actions. And Iris didn't know what it meant for Barry, where Caitlin put him in her decisions and priorities. Even if she had decided to take her engagement ring off, it didn't mean there was a place for Barry instead.

Because, even though Barry was putting Caitlin first on his list of priorities these days, Iris knew that Caitlin was waiting for only one thing: feeling well enough to go back to her big-city-life and put all of this behind her. To move on.

And where did that leave Barry?

The young journalist looked back at her daughter, not wanting to share her worries with her best friend. Maybe they were just speculations, she didn't want to trouble him more than necessary – she wasn't even completely sure about what Barry wanted from Caitlin – so she kept those thoughts for herself. For now.

"Well I think bringing her here was a great idea." Iris finally commented, slightly tapping Barry on his back. "At least for her, not so much for you and Patty…" She added a second later.

Barry instantly let his shoulders sag down as his eyes fell to his hands. "I know…" he trailed off in a whisper.

"I'm not judging, but you had a real good thing going on with Patty. I just want to make sure you're aware of your decision. I don't want you to have any regrets after…" Iris' voice was soft and calm, just what Barry needed not feel pressured or anything.

The young man glanced at her and nodded in understanding. "I'm aware of what I gave up on, Iris. But thank you for caring. I just…" He stopped and shook his head, before taking a deep breath. "I don't really want to talk about it right now. It's our last day here. I'll deal with it when we get back to Ryker Neve."

"Okay, but you know where to find me if you need someone to talk to." Iris slightly bumped her shoulder against his.

He smiled back but they were interrupted before he could answer anything.

"Mommy! Look what Caitlin and I did!" Lily shouted from her kneeling position in the sand.

Iris didn't need to be told twice. "I'm coming, sweetie." She let a clear laugh go free as she stood up to join her daughter, Barry following right behind her.

Lily proudly showed off the small sandcastle she had built with the help of Caitlin. She even suggested her mother to make her a tour of the place – not that there was much to see, but the little girl was so happy that Iris indulged her.

Meanwhile, Caitlin grabbed the small bucket and shovel before making her way towards the water to wash the sand away. Once done, she took the tools back to the bag near their towels. She chuckled when she heard Lily shout, "Oh and look there's also a goat around the castle!"

"A goat?" Iris asked confused, not seeing any goat at all.

"It's a moat, Lily-pad, not a goat." Caitlin corrected softly as she passed by on her way back to the water.

"Oops, that's what I meant." Lily giggled, her small hand flying to her mouth to shyly muffle the sound, and beaming at the little nickname Caitlin had given her.

Barry burst out laughing and ruffled the little girl's hair before leaving her with her mother as she continued explaining the building process of the sandcastle.

He glanced at Caitlin silently standing with her feet in the water, facing the horizon line. He hadn't really talked to her in the last couple of days since he had realised she had taken her engagement ring off. Even if he had told Iris he thought that Caitlin was beginning to move on, he felt like she was kind of pulling away from him. Again. They had gone a long way since the beginning of the week when they had arrived here. Even more since ten days ago, when she would barely talk to him.

He thought they had shared a special moment at the music festival two days ago, but Caitlin had tactfully avoided the subject, not exactly avoiding _him_ but not getting into deep conversations with him either – neither of them had brought the almost-kiss up even once. Caitlin was spending more and more girl time with Iris and Lily, and Barry couldn't really bring himself to mind, because he loved seeing the girls getting along like this.

Iris and Caitlin had been really great friends in high school, and he knew he was part of the reason why the two of them had lost touch after going to college – Iris had chosen Barry's side even if there weren't any sides to choose. Things had just naturally folded this way.

Seeing them connect again was a breath of fresh air.

Barry silently joined Caitlin. She jumped a little when he slightly pinched the skin on either sides of her waist and she glared at him once she realised it was him. He just chuckled – glad to see she was still ticklish – and went to stand next to her.

"It's a beautiful day to be at the beach, right?" Barry commented, admiring the sun that was progressively going down towards the horizon line. In about half an hour they would be able to watch a really nice sunset.

"Yes it is." Caitlin whispered, not taking her eyes off the horizon.

He glanced at her sideways while crossing his arms on his chest, giving himself a more impressive stature. "Are you going in for one last swim before we get back to the house?"

Caitlin shook her head and also crossed her arms on her chest, hugging herself. While that action made Barry look more imposing, it made Caitlin look frailer. "No I don't think so, it's getting a bit fresh." She informed him as one of her hand went to rub her arm.

That earned her a pout from the young man. "Not even one last quick swim?" Barry insisted.

Caitlin slightly turned her head to look at him and arched one eyebrow.

"You sure?" Barry continued innocently. "You've probably got sand on your arms and legs… Going for a swim might help get it off."

"Don't push it Barry." She warned him while flashing him a stern look. "You know there's something called a shower in the house that I can use to get clean too."

Barry shrugged. "I'm just saying…" He trailed off in a mysterious tone. "We're leaving and going back to Ryker Neve tomorrow morning. You might regret not taking one last dip into the water."

She rolled her eyes and looked back to the water, hoping that he would just drop it and change the subject of conversation. Or stop talking at all.

She should've known better than to think that Barry would let it go. When he put his mind to something, not much could actually change his mind. She should've known that standing next to him, in a bikini, feet in the water, would be too big of a temptation for him.

Yet, she still let a loud shriek escape her lips as Barry bowed down and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her up to his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and striding deeper into the water, bringing her with him. She swatted him in the back hoping that he would just go back to the sand to let her go, but he wasn't having any of it. He just got deeper.

"Barry Allen!" Caitlin protested loudly. "I won't ask you to let me go because I know you'll just jump on the opportunity to just dump me in the damn water!"

Barry just chuckled and slowed down his pace, as the water got higher and almost reached above his waist, and Caitlin let out a small squeal once her legs began dipping in the water.

"You have to understand, it was just too tempting." Barry explained seriously – though his tone was holding a teasing edge – still firmly holding onto her.

"Ha-ha!" She rolled her eyes, her laugh as fake as possible. "As your current physician, I ordered you to take things easy after your drowning incident. You're not helping yourself right now!" Caitlin berated him. "You're going to hurt yourself!"

"Psh! I'm a big boy, I'll be just fine." Barry replied smugly, quite amused by the agitated doctor he had in his arms.

"I'm serious, Barry! You shouldn't be carrying anything heavy at the moment!" She ordered him and she tried to glare at him, but he wasn't looking in the right direction. "So turn around and bring me back to the shore."

After that comment, Barry stopped moving. "Yeah, you're right." He sighed.

For a short moment, Caitlin thought he had finally changed his mind and would follow her orders. But no. Barry Allen didn't like to follow useless – in his opinion – orders.

Suddenly, two strong hands took hold of her waist, lifting her off his shoulder and Barry just threw her into the water, without preamble. Caitlin gasped for air as she came out a few seconds later, spurting some water in the process. She gave him the best death-glare she had in store and shuffled her wet and sticky hair out of her face.

"I don't know about what I should be more upset right now," she pointed out with stern voice, her index finger waggling in an accusatory motion, "the fact that you just threw me into the water without any remorse, or the fact that you just implied I was heavy?"

Barry couldn't help but burst into laughter at the stern look that was hovering over her features. It didn't help when she firmly sat her hand on her hips. "Not funny, Allen!" She squealed, even though she was fighting against the small smile that was threatening to appear on her face.

Barry nodded furiously. "Oh yes it is!" And with that, he closed the small space that was left between them and engulfed her into his arms. She froze up as soon as his skin touched hers. But she couldn't control her traitorous hands that snaked around his waist to hug him back a few seconds after. She didn't know if the shivers running along her spine were due to the cold of the early evening or the warmth of his skin. She also had a hard time believing how much his body had actually changed over the years. The firmness of his muscles was a delightful contrast to the softness of his skin. Having his naked chest against her almost naked one didn't help her focus. She had to pull away but she didn't know how. All she knew was, that for a short moment, she was really content.

Until her brain caught up with the situation.

"Barry…" She whispered, trying to find the energy to pull away.

He seemed to catch the strained edge in her voice and, like always, every single cell of his body wanted nothing more than to put her at ease. He knew there was an invisible line between them, one that was begging to be overstepped but intimidating enough that they would only dance on it. Barry wasn't the one keeping that line alive. Caitlin was. And with good reasons.

Reluctantly, he pulled away and splashed her with water for good measure, distracting her long enough to give himself time to plaster a smile on his face. She squeaked in surprise and immediately retaliated. Soon, they were like two kids battling in a water fight, not carrying about their relationship – what it had been, what it was now, what it could be…

"Oh you want to drown again, is that it?" Caitlin playfully threatened before jumping on him, tackling her hands to his shoulders and putting her whole weight on him, trying to push him in.

A fit of laughter shook his whole frame as he put his hands on her waist to resist the pressure of her light weight. "If it gets you to kiss me again, why not?" He teased back, reminding her how she had had to proceed in a mouth-to-mouth protocol to save his life. The words had slipped out of his wet lips before he could stop them. That's really not what he had wanted to say, just what he had thought very, _very_ , loudly.

He immediately felt her stiffen against him and her grasp on his shoulders instantly lessened. He was about to apologise when she spoke first. "Yeah, you wish! And for the thousandth time, I did _not_ kiss you!" She protested, swatting him in the chest with the back of her hand. "Because if I had, there's no way in hell you wouldn't have responded to it." She added with a twinkle in her eyes.

Saying that he was shocked by her teasing reply would've been an understatement. He had expected her to panic and shut down. But no, she had played right into his game. He was frozen on the spot. She had taken him by surprise and he had no idea how to reply to it.

Caitlin jumped on the opportunity that was a speechless Barry. She literally jumped, repeating her previous attempt to drown him. Except this time, he didn't see her coming, his mind still in a haze. Without any resistance, Barry went down, catching up with what was happening just in time to close his gaping mouth as his head went under the water.

Once satisfied that he had learned his lesson, Caitlin let him go and he spurted out a jet of water as soon as his head emerged. He tried to look furious but a wide grin stretched his lips.

"Oh that was low, Dr. Snow!" He said disapprovingly. "Using my feelings like that to get the upper hand!"

"Well, what can I say? It was too easy to toy with you, Mr. Allen." Caitlin shrugged, trying to ignore the flutter of her heart.

Barry groaned unintelligibly under his breath and her eyes twinkled with mirth. He shook his head energetically, his wet hair dripping in every direction like a puppy drying himself off, and Caitlin tried to muffle a giggle at the sight.

"Come on, let's go back, the others are probably waiting for us." He said once done with his head shaking.

True enough, a far voice called his name. Barry and Caitlin both turned towards the beach and saw Lily making wide arms movements, showing them to come back. Not far behind were Iris and Eddie gathering their stuff, almost ready to leave. Barry replied to the little girl with similar arms waggling.

At that moment, Caitlin decided to give him a shove in the shoulder. He barely registered her challenging him – "I'll race ya!" she giggled with a touch of southern accent – as he miserably lost his footing and fell back into the water. Once he found his balance again, he saw Caitlin half running / half swimming back to the shore.

Barry chuckled at the sight and plunged into the water after her. Obviously, she would win, but he didn't have the heart to be upset about it. He hadn't seen her that carefree ever since high school. She always looked like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders even though he had always known her to see the bright side of things at the same time.

It was like a splash of colours in her currently grey world.

Caitlin Snow was one hell of a mystery to him.

But a mystery he would more than gladly attempt to decipher.


	14. All I Want

" _So you brought out the best of me,  
A part of me I've never seen.  
You took my soul and wiped it clean.  
Our love was made for movie screens._

_But if you loved me_   
_Why'd you leave me?_   
_Take my body,_   
_Take my body._   
_All I want is,_   
_And all I need is_   
_To find somebody._   
_I'll find somebody."_

_"All I Want – Kodaline"_

* * *

_"Cait, I swear if you don't learn to actually finish a whole pizza alone, I'm going to revoke that engagement of ours!"_

_They were sitting on the kitchen floor in their brand new apartment, backs against the wall, and had decided to order some pizza for their first night there. Ronnie had successfully eaten his pizza while Caitlin had barely managed to get two third of it down her stomach._

_"I tried, but they just make them so huge..." Caitlin began to defend herself with a whining edge in her voice, though a smile was threatening to curl her lips up at any moment._

_Ronnie faked a huff of annoyance. "Fine, I guess I'll just have to eat the rest of it myself."_

_Caitlin had to laugh at his pretended surrender. Softly biting her lower lip, she pushed her pizza towards him, plucking out the last piece of red pepper on it, knowing that he didn't like them._

_"See? That's why I'm marrying you!" Ronnie explained proudly. "You never finish your pizza and you eat the vegetables I don't like."_

_"Well I'm glad to be of use." Caitlin snorted with a roll of her eyes. "And you have to make up your mind, honey. Two seconds ago you were telling me that me not finishing my pizza could very well be a deal breaker." She teased with a raised eyebrow._

_Her fiancé just shrugged with a small pout and Caitlin let her hand wander to his hair to play with it as he took a bite of her pizza._

_While he ate, she let her eyes take in the room they were in. It was pretty much empty, except for the new fridge and the kitchen sink, but she could already see herself building a life there. Well, she was certain she could see herself building a life anywhere as long as she had Ronnie by her side._

_She glanced at her fiancé and he gave her a toothy grin, making her chuckle in the process. She was happy like she hadn't been in a long time._

_For a few years, she had wondered if Central City was truly holding something more for her. She knew she was one of those people who didn't absolutely need a significant other or love to be happy. She had always been her own person, finding huge satisfaction in knowledge and science. But it didn't mean she didn't want to have someone to share her life with._

_After Barry, her dating life had been sporadic and messy. There had been a few guys here and there over the years, but nothing serious. She had always considered her studies and her work as a priority over her love life. She also didn't want a repeat of the heartache that had followed Her and Barry's breakup. That was until Ronnie came along and swept her off her feet._

_His effect on her had taken her completely by surprise. He was nothing like the guys she usually went for, but maybe that was the point. He made her smile without trying to, he made her discover different things like Thai food and water sports (watching them, not doing them, she wasn't quite there yet)._

_He had managed to take her out of her shell just after losing her father and she'd be eternally grateful for that._

" _What are you thinking about, pretty girl?" Ronnie asked just before taking another bite of pizza._

_She gave him a sweet smile before answering, fingers still playing with the air at the back of his neck. "Life, in general."_

_Ronnie swallowed his mouthful of pizza and a slight frown settled in between his eyebrows. "What's bringing on those deep thoughts?"_

_Caitlin simply shrugged. "This," she showed the empty kitchen around them with her hand. "Commitment used to freak me out a bit. But I'm not afraid anymore of what is waiting for us in the future. As long as you're here with me."_

" _You sure you're okay?" He asked worriedly._

_She rolled her eyes at his pointless concern. "I'm perfectly fine. That's precisely my point. I'm happy, Ronnie."_

_His frown disappeared, replaced by a beaming smile that made her heart flutter. "Well, I'm happy too. Especially since I got to eat almost half of your pizza."_

_A laugh burst out of Caitlin's mouth and she playfully swatted him on the chest. Ronnie often found the best way to get rid of unnecessary tension, even if it was a good one, was to make a joke. She knew he wasn't making light of her confession. Humour was just his way of accepting it and replying. She knew him well enough to not be offended but touched by his comment._

_She slightly turned to the side to face him, grabbing a napkin to swipe some tomato sauce off the corner of his mouth. "You know I love you, right?" She whispered, looking straight into his eyes._

_Ronnie's smile changed into a more serious one, but a smile nonetheless. "I do know that, Dr Snow." He replied in a low whisper making goosebumps appear all along her skin. "That's why I'm going to marry you."_

_She still couldn't quite believe every word he had just uttered. Dr Snow… Marry… How had she gotten so lucky?_

" _Soon?" She instantly inquired. She didn't want to sound needy, but she itched to call herself completely his, for some reason._

" _As soon as you want." Ronnie grinned again, her neediness acting as some kind of ego booster for him._

" _Soon." She answered matter-of-factly._

_With a goofy grin, Ronnie leaned forward and kissed her, putting her mind at ease. He hadn't any plan of leaving her anytime soon. And she wasn't scared of that fact at all._

_As he pulled back, his hand went to grab the last slice of pizza. "You sure you don't want one last bite?"_

_Caitlin shook her head while a small chuckle bubbled up. "No, I'm good."_

" _Your loss." He teased with a shrug._

_She rolled her eyes, her teeth worrying her lower lip as she watched him swallow the rest of her food. They fell silent for a couple of minutes, but they never were uncomfortable around each other._

_Once finished with eating, Ronnie pushed the take-out cardboard away from them and let out a content sigh while rubbing his belly. "So, I was thinking…" He trailed off._

_She carefully leaned against him. "Hum… Do tell."_

_He seemed to consider his words for a moment. "When are you going to bring me to Ryker Neve?"_

" _Oh…" Caitlin stopped and pulled back, slightly tensing up at his question. "I don't know… soon-ish?" She answered unsure of herself, looking questioningly at her fiancé. She didn't want to disappoint him._

_Ronnie shook his head, letting a small puff of air go free. "I don't get it, why won't you bring me to your home-town?"_

" _It's not that I don't want to." Caitlin turned to the side to completely face him, trying to find the right words to explain why she had never brought him to her home-town until now. "It's just that I moved on from that life. I don't really feel the need to go there. Mom and Charlie are what matter and you already know them, they come here all the time."_

" _Still," he insisted, "I'm curious to see where you grew up."_

_Her soaring heart brought a shy smile to her lips. "That's sweet."_

" _I'm serious, Cait."_

_Her smile fell down a bit, her shoulders slumping slightly, her eyes falling to her hands. "It's just that ever since my father died, that place kind of lost its magic…" She whispered, knowing he wouldn't have any hard time understanding her words._

" _And I get that." He replied in a soothing voice. He knew how much losing her father had turned her world upside down. "But that town is still a huge part of you that you can't ignore."_

_If she worried her lower lip any longer, she'd sure draw blood. She licked away the hurt spot and slowly nodded. "You're right. We'll go there for our next holidays if you'd like."_

" _Cool." Ronnie's lips stretched into a wide smile. "Thanks, it means a lot."_

_After cleaning up what was left of their dinner in their almost empty kitchen, they made their way to their new bedroom where a single mattress was lying on the ground. While Ronnie enumerated the things they could do tonight in their brand new and empty apartment, Caitlin listened with one ear while the rest of her brain thought about what she had just promised him._

_She wanted to show him where she had grown up, the places that had turned her into who she was now, the streets she new like the back of her hand, the shops she used to go with her parents… She knew she'd have a blast showing him around._

_She just didn't want the painful memories to come back._

* * *

He shuffled back and forth in front of the Ryker Neve's police station, wringing his fingers with his shirt.

What were the words again?

' _I know I was a jerk but please give me a second chance? Can you see yourself giving that handsome man – me in case you didn't get it – a second chance? That break you talked about, what's the expiry date? Who's got two thumbs and wants you back? This guy!'_

He shook his head in despair. None of those were what he had planned to say. He had repeated his monologue in front of the mirror at least a dozen times today and now he couldn't seem to remember a single word of it. He had never been great with words, but he was pretty sure it was getting worse with time.

Maybe he should come back tomorrow and rehearse some more?

Barry was about to turn around when the blonde woman he had come to talk to, stepped out of the building, instantly spotting him standing there like a lost puppy.

She paused for a moment, considering her next move, before readjusting her handbag on her shoulder and moving towards him. Barry took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down as he watched Patty approach him.

"Barry." She greeted as soon as he was within earshot. She didn't seem mad, she sounded calm and collected.

"Hi." He croaked in response and wanted to hit himself for not being able to speak clearly like her. "Can we... Can we talk?"

"Sure," she nodded with a soft smile, "where do you want to go?"

"Iris' café?" He suggested, knowing she loved that place. Plus it wasn't really far from the police station.

In silence, they headed towards the coffee place. The air between them was a bit tense. Patty wasn't talking because she knew he was the one supposed to speak up his mind about what was going on between them, while Barry had no idea where to start. He hoped words would come to him as soon as they'd be seated in the café or things would turn awkward really quickly.

Caitlin had helped him with his speech to convince Patty to give them a second chance. They had sat down on the bench on Caitlin's porch, just after coming back from their beach holidays, with some iced tea and cookies, and had put their two brilliant minds together to create the perfect speech.

It had really been useful to have a woman's point of view on the whole story – even if said woman was his ex-girlfriend. They had worked on it hard, Caitlin had even written down a framework from an introduction until a perfect conclusion. Barry had laughed at her for her nerdy habits and she had just shot back that it would probably save his butt.

But now, two days later, a crumpled piece of paper in his pants' back pocket, many rehearsals with Caitlin playing Patty's role in the past couple of days, a cup of coffee in front of him, not a single word in his mind and he wished he had Caitlin by his side to prompt him.

Patty waited patiently for him to say something, blowing on her coffee for it to cool down, not at all disturbed by his fidgety behaviour.

"So… hum… I've been thinking…" Barry began with a stuttering voice and cursed himself for being so bad with words when he really needed to communicate.

"Well that's a good start, thinking…" Patty gently teased him, trying to put him more at ease in the moment.

A nervous chuckle instantly escaped Barry's lips and it managed to release some of the tension weighting him down. His right hand went to his hair to mess with it, before going to his lap and trying to get rid of the nervous sweat gathering in its palm.

"Relax Barry, it's just me." Patty said soothingly and he replied with a grateful smile.

He inhaled slowly before trying again. "I'm sorry… For how… for how I treated you… how… how I'm the reason our relationship fell apart, how… how I didn't fight more." He shook his head and Patty let him talk, knowing that if she interrupted him, he would have a hard time continuing. "You deserve more and I'm ready to try being a better boyfriend…"

"Barry…" She started.

He raised his hand to stop her. "No, let me finish. I want us to give this – _us_ – another shot because… because we owe it to each other to at least try. We were together for almost three years, we can't throw it away like that."

"Sure we can." Patty shrugged, appearing detached.

Barry's eyes crinkled as he slowly shook his head. "You don't mean that, you're just angry at me because I've been acting weird and distant and for being a jerk, but I can change." He insisted, keeping a steady smile on his lips, even though her words had worked like a punch in the face

"I'm sure you can change." She nodded.

His lips curled up into a wider smile. "See? So let's try this again."

"No Barry…" Patty shook her head, her voice weak but clear. "I'm sure you can change _but_ the way you feel about her won't."

"Wh… What?" He frowned at her words, suddenly losing track of their conversation.

A humourless chuckle tumbled down her lips. "Don't play dumb, you know perfectly who I'm talking about. You've been in love with Caitlin ever since high school and even though you think you stopped, you didn't."

"That's not true." He squealed while shaking his head.

"Keep denying it all you want, Barry." Her fingers went to draw random patterns on her coffee cup while her eyes searched his face for some kind of agreement. When she found none, she sighed, not wanting to fight about that precise subject. "But one day it's going to hit you right in the face and then you're going to see it."

Guilt crept up his belly and clogged his throat. Because Barry knew Patty was right. His feelings for the young doctor had appeared back out of nowhere. He had been convinced he had moved on from her, but maybe the lack of closure when she had left – both times – left him empty and at loss when trying to change how he felt about her. Those years without Caitlin had been different from everything he had known before, and the empty space in his heart had been covered under change and loss and adjustment. He never thought that hole was there because Caitlin wasn't.

What was the point of salvaging his relationship with Patty when he knew she wouldn't be able to cover up that hole – when even she knew it?

"Anyway," Patty suddenly shrugged, a hand chasing away the tears gathering up in her eyes, "I'm leaving."

"You're what now?" He asked, not believing what he was hearing.

She took a deep breath. "I'm leaving Ryker Neve."

"Why?" He spurted out as if it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

"I always wanted to work in a bigger city, have more responsibilities as a cop. Maybe even try a more scientific side of the job." She calmly explained with a light shrug. "And I think it's time for me to move on."

Barry leaned slightly over the table to move closer, as if believing his ears were playing a mean trick on him. "Move on?" He repeated. "From this town?"

Patty shook her head and sent an apologetic look his way. "From everything." She whispered

He instantly pulled his head back, jaw dropping and eyes widening. "Oh."

Was this all a bad dream? Was he about to wake up in a cold sweat and realise everything that had happened in the past few weeks was just a dream? Had Caitlin even come back into town? Had he really ruined his relationship with Patty? How could things change tracks so fast?

Life worked in a strange way. Sometimes nothing special happened for a few months, years even. And sometimes everything happened at once and you couldn't do anything to stop it. He felt like being on a skateboard, going down a huge hill and not knowing how to brake and slow down. He was sent into free falling. Waiting to hit the brick wall at the end.

"I'm sorry, Barry." Patty apologised with so much sincerity that his heart squeezed.

"Don't…" He raised a hand to stop her. "Don't apologise, it's my fault…"

She nodded and they fell silent, not sure what to say next. Gradually, he could feel their relationship slip through his fingers, leaving great memories behind. It settled in his soul and he knew he wouldn't ever wake up next to her again. The fact he had never felt such finality with Caitlin punched him right in the guts and he felt almost out of breath.

"You should tell her how you feel." Patty suddenly said.

"I…" He started, wondering if his realisation was plastered on his features. "She's a friend…" He tried to convince Patty and himself.

"Barry…" She warned.

"It's honestly not like that…" He tried to defend himself but the look she gave him let him know she wasn't buying any of his words. "At least I don't think so." He shrugged. "Anyway, she's not in the right place to jump into a new relationship."

"Oh, so you've thought about it." Patty slowly pointed out.

Her comment left him speechless for a moment. He stared at her, trying to decipher if she was joking or if she was really meaning her words. But Patty stayed as serious as before, cocking her head slightly to the side while waiting for his reply.

Barry cleared his throat before finally answering. "Hum… I'm not sure I feel comfortable talking about that with you." He shook his head, eyes going round. "How can you?"

"I've accepted it… We've had some great times together. But I'm afraid we weren't meant to be." She took her last gulp of coffee before standing up and gathering her bag. "Goodbye Barry." She said, before heading towards the door.

"Goodbye." He replied in a whisper, his eyes falling to his cup of now cold coffee. He didn't think he had ever felt so little in control over his life.

"Hey, Barry!" Patty called out one last time.

He curiously looked up. "Yeah?"

"Maybe she's not ready to jump into a new relationship. But what about rebuilding an old one? You mean a lot to her, don't let her slip away like you did before." With one last smile, Patty turned around and left.

Barry just stared at his now ex-girlfriend leave the coffee shop, mouth agape, round eyes and dumbfound expression on his soft features. Patty would never cease to amaze him. She was kind and funny, loving and passionate, and just pushed him to go get his ex-girlfriend – the other one.

He found himself wondering about the weird ways the heart was working. Why hadn't he been able to move past his relationship with Caitlin and dived completely in the one with Patty? So many people had told him the blonde cop was made for him – but those people obviously didn't know Caitlin Snow.

He shook his head to chase that last comment away from his mind. The name Caitlin was creeping up out of nowhere every time he thought about his life. Hell, every time he thought about anything. She had made her way back into his brain and heart in the blink of an eye – he had had no control over it whatsoever.

A girly laugh caught Barry's attention and he looked out the window to see where it came from. There, on the street a few feet away from the café, were Caitlin and Lily talking to Patty.

The sight made his heart still in his chest as he observed how Lily chatted up the blonde woman with a cheery voice while Caitlin looked curiously, lower lip trapped between her teeth but a smile present nonetheless. Patty was listening intently at what the little girl had to say.

When Lily was done talking, Caitlin sent the little girl inside the coffee shop to join her mother that was in her office. Barry waved at the little girl as she ran past him with a wide grin, before his eyes travelled back towards his two ex-girlfriends now talking outside.

How he wished he had super-hearing so he could have a clue of what their exchange was.

They didn't seem to be hostile towards one another, their lips curled up into smiles, their stances opened for a friendly conversation, heads nodding and hands moving.

After a couple of minutes, Caitlin opened her arms wide and Patty didn't hesitate a second to accept her hug. It was short but Barry's heart still soared at the sight. He had no idea what was going on, but he was glad both women didn't claw at each other's throat.

The two women said goodbye and while Patty walked away from the café, Caitlin stepped inside, a deep-in-thoughts look in her eyes. She didn't take long to spot where he was sitting and she instantly made her way towards him. Her brows were crinkled, her teeth were worrying her lower lip and her eyes seemed to be searching some kind of answer in front of her.

Without a word, she took the seat Patty had been occupying a few minutes ago.

"Patty's leaving?" Caitlin suddenly asked, her hazel-brown eyes trying to read his features before settling on the beaming smile Barry was sending her way.

"Well, hello to you too, Dr Snow." He cheered, not really in the mood to talk about Patty.

It didn't take a genius to understand that his smile was simply a protective wall.

"Barry…" She trailed off in a warning tone, her eyes squinting at him. "Don't joke about this, I know you don't mean it."

He was about to reply that everything was fine, but Caitlin just squinted harder.

"What happened?" She asked in a disbelieving tone. "What about the things I told you to tell her? How could you mess up winning her back with how we worked on it? I knew you weren't the greatest with women, but you're worse than I thought."

The young man choked on the sip of cold coffee he was taking. He pouted at her before shaking his head with a little smirk on his lips. "You say the sweetest things to me, snowflake."

"Barry!" She protested, completely ignoring the jump her heart made at the new nickname.

His smile instantly fell down, accompanied by his protective walls. Putting his cup back on the table, his shoulders sagged down and his eyes fled the young doctor. "I don't know, okay? I messed it up!"

_I didn't want to save that relationship, because I want you!_

"You promised you'd try!" She almost whined.

"And I did!" He retorted with a firmer voice. "Cait, I know you mean well, but things happen… It's the way it's supposed to be. I tried. It didn't work. I'm okay with it."

A doubtful brow wandered up her forehead. "Are you sure?"

His lips curled up into a sweet smile and nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Really?" Caitlin insisted.

"Can you please drop it, snowy?" He begged her and she had to let a small huff before agreeing. "Want some coffee?" He asked to change subjects.

A sweet smile instantly appeared on her lips. "Always."


	15. I Won't Give Up

" _When I look into your eyes  
It's like watching the night skies  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
There's so much they hold  
And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?_

_I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up_

_And when you're needing your space, to do some navigating  
I'll be here patiently waiting, to see what you find"_

_"I Won't Give Up – Jason Mraz"_

* * *

"Stop fidgeting, will you?"

The loud clinking of her heels was reverberating against the hallway's walls and the rustling of her agitated hands was completing the intervals of silence. She wasn't usually an agitated person, she was way too controlling for that, preferring keeping everything inside her rather than sharing it with the world.

"Yeah like that's gonna happen…" Caitlin grumbled, her hands twisting her blouse as they walked side by side down the hall. She couldn't help it, her whole body was buzzing with energy and nervousness. All of a sudden, she was that teenager again that was waiting for her first oral exam – an excited nervous wreck of a girl.

"There's no need to be nervous." Barry tried to calm her down, though he knew it would be pointless now.

She just glared sideways at him. "Well my nerves seem to completely disagree with you." She was used too high-stress situations, she had studied for so many years with hundreds of exams, she had gone to lots of interviews, she had had done experiments with great responsibilities… And here she was, back in those long hallways, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach.

Barry chuckled. "They're just kids, Cait."

"No they're not." She protested, suddenly stopping dead in her tracks.

Barry stopped as well and turned to look at her with a frown. She was standing tall in the middle of the empty corridor, hands firmly sitting on her hips and a stern look on her face.

"They're teenagers, Barry!" She pointed out.

"So?" He asked, not grasping her point.

"So?" Caitlin gaped at him in bewilderment. "So teenagers are ruthless and mean! I'm going to make a fool of myself. I know high school. I went to high school too, you know?"

Barry rolled his eyes. "I do know that, I was there with you." He teased. "Come on, you're going to be just fine."

"How can you say that?" She whined. "What makes you so sure?"

The young man took a step forward and rested his hands on her shoulders. He bowed a little to look straight in her eyes. "Because I've been there too, and I know you." He simply said. "I know how awesome you are and I'm the one who suggested this to you in the first place. I wouldn't have suggested it if I knew they would eat you alive." Caitlin glared at him and he chuckled. "Trust me, they are going to love you!"

For a moment, she got lost in his sea-green eyes and completely forgot where she was and all about the nervous ball at the pit of her stomach. She didn't think she had been this nervous ever since her first day working at S.T.A.R. labs.

Caitlin took a deep breath and slowly nodded. "Okay, I'm a grown woman, I can face them." She said to herself, amusing Barry in the process. "Let's go Mr. Allen" She said more firmly.

He beamed at her, took a step aside and swiped his arm in front of them, gallantly letting her lead the way. "After you, Dr. Snow."

The loud clutter of her high heels resumed as they made their way towards his classroom.

A few days ago, barely a week after coming back from their little stay at the beach, Barry had convinced her to come teach a class about basic genetics to his biology class. Sure he could do it himself, but he had thought it could be really interesting and resourceful to ask for her professional help. That way, his students could have an inside look into the real genetic world and he could help Caitlin do something she loved at the same time.

She had been reluctant at first but Barry had quickly managed to convince her. She did get bored really fast at home without her job.

So here they were, heading towards his classroom for her to teach a one-hour class.

The bell rang a few minutes after they got into his classroom and Caitlin immediately stood straighter, in her full height, her nervous hands flattening the small creases from her shirt. Barry chewed on the inside of his cheek to keep a chuckle from escaping. Bit by bit, teenagers came into the room, chatting together, laughing, going to their table, and barely sparing a single glance to the two adults in the front.

When the second bell rang, the students sat down and stopped talking relatively quickly.

"Well hello everyone! I know we didn't quite finish the lesson on the digestive system, but we're going to take a little break from that just for today." Barry explained as he stepped in front of his desk. "As you can see, I'm not alone today. This is the brilliant Dr. Caitlin Snow." He slightly turned to the side and gestured towards the woman that had already caught the attention of most of the students.

"She's a dear friend of mine and we went together to this high school when we were your age. I know you probably think that was centuries ago but please spare our feelings." Barry continued talking with a soothing yet captivating voice, smiling proudly as his little joke created a few chuckles among the teenagers. "She's a geneticist and a bioengineer, and she is here today to talk to you about human genetics. So I know one hour is far from enough to talk about this huge subject, but I'm sure she'll do great to present you the basics. I expect you to treat her with as much respect as you treat me. Any questions?"

Barry smiled at his silent class, waiting to see if anyone wanted his attention. "No? Okay then." He turned to Caitlin. "Dr. Snow, the class is yours."

Caitlin gave him a shy smile. She moved to the front of his desk and he leaned over to grab a notepad and a pen from his desk. As they brushed passed each other, Barry winked at her, knowing that nobody would see him as his back was to the students. Caitlin clenched her jaw to keep herself from blushing and Barry moved to the back of the class, with a smug grin hovering over his lips, to follow her lesson.

Caitlin quickly introduced herself and then immediately opened into her subject. Barry was impressed by the ease with which she had shed all her previous nervousness and replaced it with confidence, her doctor persona clearly visible. His heart swelled when he found that passionate twinkle shine in her eyes again. He hadn't seen it in a very long time and was relieved to see it was still alive. He felt even more proud when his students began interacting fully with Caitlin, asking questions, making relevant comments and answering to her inquiries.

The single hour flew by so fast that everybody seemed surprised when the bell rang. Barry stayed in the back of his class, his smile still in place as he saw almost half of his students waiting by the desk, ready to ask Caitlin their burning questions. It was their lunch break so some of them didn't hesitate to spend more time with her instead of running towards the cafeteria.

Barry stood up and approached the desk as just two young girls remained by her side.

"Here are my contact info," Caitlin handed both girls her personal card, "don't hesitate to send me an e-mail if you have any questions about professional orientation. Or anything else, really, I'd be happy to help!"

Both girls thanked her and left the room. Barry clapped loudly in his hands as soon as they were alone. Caitlin became beet red in a second and turned around to swipe off the black board, escaping his burning gaze in the process.

"Well, Dr. Snow, one hour in your hands and my students already love you more than they love me." He noted with a fake offended tone in his voice.

"They do not!" Caitlin squealed with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah they do." He insisted with bouncing eyebrows even though she wasn't looking in his direction. "I think I'm jealous they like you better than me."

"Oh shush."

Barry chuckled and came up behind her, stopping her movement with one hand on her waist and the other on her arm. She immediately tensed up, surprised by his touch and closeness.

"Leave it," he said quietly, "I'll clean this up later. Let's go grab something to eat."

Caitlin nodded silently – physically incapable to utter a single word with his chest so close to her back. Barry let her go and took a few steps back from her. She straightened up her shirt and then pulled her hair up into a messy bun to occupy herself and keep her mind off Barry. Especially since she could still sense him staring at her back.

Barry seemed to catch himself staring and instantly wrenched his eyes away from her, clearing his throat as he grabbed his set of keys and his bag. Caitlin shyly glanced in his direction, when he wasn't looking, before grabbing her own bag and following him out of his classroom.

They headed towards the teachers' lounge, where Barry picked up their lunch bag he had prepared in the morning, before going outside to the high school's stadium. Without a word, they stepped on the deserted bleachers and found their usual spot.

_Their_ spot.

Being on the track team, Barry had spent a lot of time training in this stadium as a teenager. And Caitlin had gotten into the habit of coming sitting there, right in front of the running tracks, to study while he ran. Barry would always joke that she was either checking him out or keeping an eye on him to make sure that he wasn't cheating on her with some cheerleader. But truthfully, Caitlin only loved this place because Barry's presence had an impressive calming effect on her.

And god knows how much she needed to just relax sometimes, even if she was studying.

And then, that precise spot on the bleachers, right in the middle row, had become their spot where they would meet for lunch sometimes, or when they had a break in their day or simply when they just wanted to be alone.

_Their_ spot.

"Wow, it's been a while since I sat here." Caitlin whispered as they finally sat down.

Barry nodded, handing her a sandwich. "I have to confess, I came here half a dozen times ever since I got my teaching position. But it never felt right being here without you. So I stopped coming and found myself a new place to hang out at lunch."

"And where is that? The science lab?" Caitlin chuckled, nudging him playfully. Her brain decided to ignore the fact that he had stopped coming because she was missing. And their spot wasn't the same without both of them there.

"Hey!" He half-heartedly protested. "I'll have you known that I don't _always_ hang out in the same place. Sometimes I mix with the crowd."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow. "The crowd?" She carefully asked.

Barry shrugged. "Yeah you know… The other teachers… sometimes students…"

Her eyes went round. "Oh don't tell me you're one of those teachers that think they're young enough to still pass as a teenager. That's just creepy."

The young man blushed furiously at her surprised face. "I'm not." He protested in a weak voice. "Okay, maybe _sometimes_ I joke around with students…" He admitted when she rolled her eyes at him, unimpressed. "But in my defence, do you really see me hanging out with Mrs. Carsen and Mr. Dolight?"

A giggle escaped Caitlin's lips at the idea of Barry spending his free time with the two probably oldest teachers from this school – teachers that, ten years ago, every student was already saying the coming year would be their last before retirement. Obviously it never was, since those two teachers were still here.

In silence, they unwrapped their small lunch and ate, watching the current high school track team beginning their training.

"So… how are you doing, really?" Barry broke the silence with a question that had been on the tip his tongue for some time now.

Caitlin took a bite of her sandwich and shrugged. "I told you, I'm fine." She informed him once swallowing down her bite, her eyes fixed on a young man – that eerily reminded her of teenage Barry – running. "You don't have to worry that much about me, Barry."

"I know I don't have to, but I can't help it." He replied very seriously, his eyes boring holes in her skin.

He had the ability to make her heart go into frenzy and exasperate her at the same time. And as usual, she ignored the one that made her feel special.

"Yes well, could you please tone it down a bit?" Caitlin huffed in annoyance, finally looking at him and not missing him flinch at her comment. "I'm a grown woman, you don't have to babysit me 24/7 just because I lost my job and my fiancé."

She instantly saw his eyes darkened with anger and his features turning hard. And her heart sank in her chest.

"Well excuse me for caring." Barry groaned, the hurt edge of his voice unavoidable.

Caitlin let out a puff of air and ran a hand over her face, making sure not to smudge any of her make up. "I'm sorry," she sighed and she felt him instantly relax next to her, "I didn't mean to sound like a bitch."

His shoulders sagged down and he slowly shook his head, his eyes trying to read her features. "Why do you keep pushing me away?" He asked carefully.

She let out a nervous chuckle before shrugging again, trying to give herself a detached demeanour. "I just feel like you're giving and giving… and I'm just here taking everything from you without giving anything back to you."

"Cait…" Barry whispered and her heart missed a beat at the sound of her nickname rolling down his lips so, _so_ , perfectly.

She lifted her hand to stop him from talking. "You can't deny it, Barry. You've literally done everything to help me. You got me out of the house to relax, you invited me to the beach for a week, you gave me the opportunity to teach a class…" Caitlin took a deep breath and wrenched her eyes away from his, looking down to her intertwined hands – sandwich forgotten on her lap. "And I've got nothing to give you back in return, I even managed to break your relationship…"

"We already talked about this." Barry cut her off. "That wasn't your fault."

His relationship with Patty was completely over. He felt really bad for how he had treated her, but after their conversation after the beach holidays, they had both realised there wasn't really a future for the both of them together. And they had both accepted it. Barry hadn't been heartbroken when Patty had given him the spare key to his place he had given to her the previous year. They had been together more than two years and had never moved in together. Barry hadn't even ever thought about asking her. They just weren't meant to be and, in his opinion, that wasn't Caitlin's fault.

"Yes it is, Barry!" Caitlin protested, eyes welling up. She was tired of hearing him say that. "I really want to give you something in return, I want to show you how grateful I am for everything that you've done! But I have nothing… I'm broken…" Her voice cracked a bit at the end of her tirade and his heart dropped in his chest.

"No you're not." Barry said with the softest voice she had ever heard. "Cait, look at me." He insisted when she persistently stared at her hands. Shyly, her glistening orbs flew up and dived into his green sea. "You are _not_ broken. You're just hiding that wonderful woman I see, behind those walls of yours."

A small blush appeared on her cheeks despite the sadness that seemed to have taken hold of her. She snorted, trying to ease up the tension.

Barry gave her a bright smile, finding her really cute at the moment, despite the tears just waiting to escape her eyes. "And don't worry about giving me anything." He simply said. "You being here is already more than enough for me."

Her heart stopped and then picked up its pace at his words. Caitlin almost jumped in surprised as she felt his warm hand cover her cold ones.

"Cait…" He breathed out.

She felt the urge to grasp at his hand and never let go, she itched to throw her arms around his neck and hold him against her forever, as if her life was depending on it.

But there was a weight in her heart she couldn't really ignore. Ronnie was still almost constantly on her mind, when it wasn't otherwise occupied by the young biology teacher sitting next to her.

Ronnie had been the light in the dark moments of her life. How was she supposed to find the way without him? She could see the light emanating from Barry, but could she use him to lead the way towards healing? Was it fair to him and to her?

Caitlin knew Ronnie would have wanted for her to move on and she felt like she was getting there. Slowly but surely.

But she still didn't know if Barry was the right person to move on with. First of all, she had no idea if he even wanted to go there – though it seemed like he did. Second of all, she was terrified of giving him that power over her again. He was her first love, the boy that would always have a hold over her heart. But it also made him the person who had the power to break her heart the most.

The power to break her completely if things went wrong.

And that scared the life out of her.

Her eyes flitted between their joined hands and his deep green eyes. Then she could've sworn she saw him lean forward a bit and she felt her heart leap in her chest. Her eyes flew down to his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed, before going back up to his eyes, making a stop at his lips. She felt like his hand was sending electricity all over her skin.

And then his lips were touching hers in the most delicate way possible and her eyes fluttered close. The feeling of electricity sent by his hand was nothing compared to the one sent by his soft lips against hers. It wasn't passionate, or heated, or hungry. It was a simple touch of lips against lips. Brief but powerful.

As soon as it had begun, it had ended.

Barry pulled slightly away, the green of his eyes even deeper than before, if possible. "You're not broken…" He repeated in a whisper.

Her heart did acrobatics in her chest, a feeling he had always been able to create, a feeling she had loved as a teenager – not being in control of her own body for such a beautiful reason. At the time, she hadn't been scared of it because she knew nothing bad could come out of it. But she was older, she had seen how life could break people, how loss could destroy someone, how a broken heart felt worst than anything else.

So today she just couldn't enjoy the way her crazy heart stumbled in her chest, as fear gripped her entire being.

"Barry, I can't…" She murmured.

He instantly retracted his hand as if he had been burned and shook his head, his eyes escaping her. "I'm sorry, you're right. I overstepped…"

"No I… I'm sorry, I… I just…" Caitlin stuttered, not really sure of what she wanted to actually say. The mess in her head made it impossible for her to make a decent constructed sentence. "I'm… I'm not ready… Barry… I'm… not yet…"

His big round eyes travelled back to her face and he looked like a lost puppy trying to apologise for making a mess. "I know… I'm… I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me…"

He stopped as they eyes locked together once more and his intangible hold over her seemed to pull her back towards him. She had to fight against it to avoid burying herself in his arms.

"I… I should probably go…" Caitlin croaked, almost feeling out of energy. How could she feel that tired when she didn't even have any work to go to? "Thanks for letting me teach your class and for lunch." She grabbed what was left of her sandwich and stood up.

Barry shot out of his seat too, propelling the bag that had been resting on his lap to the floor, startling Caitlin but not even fazing him. "I should be the one to thank you. My students loved you."

Caitlin nervously looked down to her hand and trapped her lower lip between her teeth. Somehow, she could still taste the lingering scent of him on her lips, even though their kiss had been fleetingly small. "See you soon, Barry." She whispered before making a beeline down the bleachers' stairs and almost running down the last steps that allowed her to exit the stadium.

And she was gone.

Barry slumped back down and buried his hands in his hair. He had no idea what had taken hold of him. Well, actually he knew. Being back here sitting on their spot, being with her, seeing that passion in her eyes, her telling him how grateful she was for everything he had done… His heart had been close to exploding right there and then. But he should have known better than to scare her away like that by making a move on her – even if it was as small as the kiss they had shared. He wouldn't have pushed further, that simple kiss would have been more than enough for him. He had just wanted to make her understand how he felt, how special she was to him… But he shouldn't have done it. Clearly, she wasn't ready.

Or maybe she was ready, but was scared of something else.

Whatever it was, he wouldn't go anywhere. Even if it meant they'd stay friend, he was okay with it.

As long as she was in his life.


	16. More Than Words

" _How easy it would be to show me how you feel  
More than words is all you have to do to make it real  
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me  
'Cause I'd already know  
What would you do if my heart was torn in two  
More than words to show you feel  
That your love for me is real"_

_"More Than Words – Extreme"_

* * *

"So sweetie, you've almost been here two months, how are you doing?" Evelyn asked sweetly as she came to sit next to her daughter in their backyard, handing her a glass of fresh water.

Caitlin shrugged. "I'm doing okay."

Evelyn just chuckled. Her daughter had never been one to share a lot about what was going on inside her head. But as her mother, she had always been really good at reading her. Right now, Evelyn could see that Caitlin had come a long way since she had stepped off that plane a few weeks ago. She knew she had to thank a certain Barry Allen for that, even if Caitlin would never admit it willingly to her.

She could see that the young doctor still had a lot of things on her mind, but it was different than the heart-breaking expression she had worn the first couple of weeks here. Evelyn could tell her daughter was on the right path towards healing and nothing could make her happier. Ever since her husband's death and then Ronnie's death, the older woman had been more than a little worried for her daughter.

"So how's Barry?" Evelyn asked innocently enough.

Caitlin glared at her and raised an eyebrow, seeing right through her fake detached behaviour. "I know what you're doing mom, stop it. He's fine."

Evelyn put her hands up in surrender. "I didn't mean anything specific, I was just asking how he was doing, my dear, nothing more." She defended herself.

"Yeah right." Caitlin grumbled before taking a sip of her water.

She hadn't seen Barry ever since their kiss a few days prior, but she wasn't avoiding him. As the end of the school year was rapidly approaching, Barry was swamped with work and didn't have a lot of free time on his hands. They had exchanged a couple of phone calls in which they had both pretended nothing had happened on the bleachers, but nothing else.

Caitlin didn't want to ignore him, she had come to the conclusion that she actually needed him right now – he was sort of her anchor. She just hoped he wasn't the one avoiding her because she had rejected him, and that he was actually busy.

She was brought out of her thoughts as her mother moved to stand up to go check on some flower she had planted a few of months ago and that were now blooming. But as soon as Evelyn put her hands on the arms of her chair to push herself off it, she stumbled a bit and fell back on the chair, one hand going straight to her forehead.

Caitlin frowned at what she had just witnessed. Her mother sat still in her chair, eyes closed and fingers slightly rubbing her temples. "Mom, are you okay?" Caitlin inquired, leaning forward to take a better look at her

Evelyn pushed her worry aside with her hand. Well at least she tried to.

"Oh stop fussing Caity, I'm fine. Just a bit dizzy." She replied with a somehow firm voice.

Caitlin kinked her brows, put her glass aside and kneeled beside the chair where her mother was sitting. "No but seriously, you look a little pale. Let me take a look." The young doctor insisted.

Evelyn shook her head in protest and weakly pushed herself off her chair into a shaky standing position. "I'm telling you, I'm fine." She replied, sprawling her arms to show her daughter she had managed to stand up without any problems.

Caitlin rolled her eyes at her mother's stubbornness and was about to comment on it when suddenly the older woman seemed to miss the floor with her foot and completely lost her balance. Instantly, Caitlin jumped on her feet and managed to catch her mother in her stretched arms, as she was about to hit the grass of their backyard.

"Mom!" Caitlin shouted once she managed to stabilise her and lay her down. It seemed like all colours had escaped the older woman's face. Her breaths were shallow and her pulse irregular. Caitlin's heart raced as she witnessed her mother's body beginning to shiver.

Evelyn's tired eyes fluttered open and she mumbled "I'm fine" under her breath.

Caitlin shook her head agitatedly. "No you're not." She almost choked on her words, as dread seemed to cloak her throat. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

The young doctor jumped back on her feet and ran inside to the kitchen. She could've sworn she heard her mother mutter "As if I'd go anywhere", and Caitlin would've rolled her eyes if she hadn't been so scared.

She opened the fridge, grabbed the orange juice, went to the cabinet to take a glass and ran back outside.

She kneeled back next to her mother and poured a glass of juice before handing it to Evelyn. "Do you think you can drink this?"

Caitlin saw a twinkle in her mother's eyes, as if she were about to say a smart-ass comment but didn't find the strength to say it, so she simply nodded and accepted the glass.

Caitlin sat back and waited to see if there were any changes. Her heart rate dropped to almost normal, as her mother's cheeks began to gain back some of their initial colour. She let out a relieved breath she hadn't realised she had been keeping in. Even in the urgency of the situation, Caitlin had managed to read the symptoms correctly and she thanked her many years of study for that.

Evelyn finished her drink and sat straighter after a short moment, her eyelids still drooping slightly from the effort. "Told you I was fine." She mumbled.

Caitlin huffed in annoyance. Some days, there were absolutely no doubts concerning the origins of her own stubborn streak and snarky self, she had inherited everything from her mother.

"Maybe you're fine, but had we waited any longer, I'm pretty sure you would've fallen into an hypoglycaemic coma." Caitlin pointed out not really amused by the situation. "So I'm bringing you to the doctor. No 'but' this time!" She added as she recognised the telltale sign of her mother being about to protest. "I'd like a blood test just to be sure, and I can't do that here. You need to see the doctor."

"Fine," her mother mumbled.

* * *

Her feet were bouncing up and down as she sat on the uncomfortable chair waiting for her mother to come out of the doctor's office. Evelyn had insisted to go in alone, telling her she was a grown independent woman and didn't need her daughter with her to see the doctor.

Caitlin was happy to see that her mother had gotten her fire back, but she couldn't help but feel anxious while waiting. She couldn't help being worried that there was more to it than just a hypoglycaemic vertigo. Maybe it was the doctor inside of her or maybe it was the girl that had lost her father to cancer, but she couldn't chase away the worry churning at the pit of her stomach. She didn't believe in god – she was a woman of science and believed only things that could be proven – but right now she thought praying could be a good idea. She wasn't sure she would survive losing her mother too.

The waiting room was almost empty and very silent except for the sound her bouncing feet were making. There was a young teenage girl also waiting in the room and she seemed as worried as Caitlin, although probably for completely different reasons.

The front door opened and someone stepped inside, but Caitlin kept staring at her hands.

"Caitlin?"

A soft voice made her look up and she met those green eyes she had never been able to forget. Barry instantly sat next to her, worry plastered all over his face, his hand going to her knee.

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" He gently asked, clearly seeing that Caitlin was shaken. "Are you hurt?"

Caitlin's hand automatically reached for his as she felt dread growing inside him and gripping at his heart. "Just a little check up for my mother, nothing life threatening." She replied in a soothing voice, wanting to chase the fear away from his beautiful features. She realised then the calming effect it had on her, to try to reassure him. As if trying to convince him that everything was okay was convincing herself in the process.

Barry let out a relieved puff of air and relaxed under her touch. She let her heart soar in her chest as she could tell he had been worried something was wrong with her or that something had the potential of hurting her.

"What about you?" Caitlin suddenly frowned, realising that Barry being in the doctor's waiting room couldn't be a good sign.

Barry lifted the take-out bag he had left next to his feet and that she hadn't seen. "I have a lunch date with my father." He explained as he nodded towards the office's door.

Caitlin's frown faded away and her lips curled up. In the process of worrying too much about her mother, the fact that she was in Dr. Henry Allen's medical practice had somehow slipped up her mind.

"Oh right." She breathed out, relieved that everything was fine with him too.

She had missed him in the last few days. Seeing his face now had the effect of pulling a huge weight off her shoulders. His soft smile, his unruly hair, his quirky eyebrows, his shiny green eyes, his cute nose – could a nose even be described as cute? She decided that, yes, his nose was cute. Him being here next to her made her whole body relax, but her heart race in her chest at the same time. It was somehow comforting.

Yes, she needed him. She just didn't know in which way she needed him yet.

The consultation room's door suddenly opened and Evelyn, accompanied by Henry, stepped out of the room. Caitlin hadn't realised her hand was still on Barry's until the opening door made her grip on it like dear life. In response, Barry turned his hand to fit better against hers and squeezed right back to show his support.

Seeing the big smiles Evelyn and Henry were currently wearing, Caitlin felt herself relax on the spot and she stood up, reluctantly dropping Barry's hand. But she didn't need any more probing questions coming from her mother. A secret smile drew itself on her lips anyway, as she felt Barry stand up too and stay very close to her, clearly showing her that he'd be there for her no matter what. If she fell, he'd be here to catch her. If she cried, he'd be the shoulder for her to lean on. If she laughed, he'd be here to make her understand that her being happy was one of the most beautiful things in the world.

Henry's smile widened once he saw Caitlin. "Well well, Caitlin Snow! I knew you were back in town but it sure feels good to see you in person." He cheered before opening his arms for a hug that Caitlin gladly accepted. "Time has been very kind to you." He added when he pulled back to take a better look at his son's ex-girlfriend.

Caitlin blushed furiously, remembering Barry telling her the exact same thing almost two months ago when they had seen each other for the first time after so many years apart. "Well, I can say the same for you, Dr. Allen." She replied softly.

Henry chuckled and pointed her to his son. "I never understood how you could ever let this one slip through your fingers, son." He teased, making Caitlin's cheeks even redder and Barry rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"Dad…" Barry mumbled, his eyes falling to his feet, as if searching for an escape route or a hole in the floor that could potentially swallow him.

Henry's smile widened at his son's embarrassment and then turned back to Evelyn. "It was a pleasure to see you again. Now please, take care of yourself and don't skip any meals, I mean it." He said softly and the older woman smiled bashfully.

"Skipping meals?" Caitlin inquired with a frown.

Henry looked for Evelyn's approval before explaining himself to Caitlin. "I think your mother has been a bit stressed lately and she hasn't been eating well. She admitted skipping a few meals and just eating a few things here and there some days." He said calmly. "This, plus the North Carolina heat that is settling in right now, isn't good for her. Which is the reason why she had that little vertigo. So I'm advising her to rest for a few days, to eat correctly and to drink a lot."

Caitlin nodded, agreeing with his medical expertise. She really wanted to berate her mother for being so reckless, but she couldn't help feeling instantly guilty for not noticing her mother's unbalanced diet and even more when she realised she was probably the source of Evelyn's stress. She perfectly knew how her mother was worried for her – she had just never thought it would take a toll on her health.

She felt a delicate hand rest on the small of her back and her body instantly relaxed under the touch. How could Barry always know how she was feeling and what she needed to feel better? He seemed to read her so well and know that all she needed right now was his support, telling her that she didn't have to feel responsible for what had happened. She was also glad he had chosen to put his hand where her mother and his father wouldn't see – he could've laid his hand on her shoulder, but he hadn't. The small of her back was, in her opinion, the perfect place for his hand to rest right now.

"Well, since I _have to_ eat," Evelyn said sarcastically, "why don't you two come over for dinner tonight?" She suggested towards the two men in the room.

Henry smiled but shook his head. "Oh you don't have to do that, it's okay. Besides I'm volunteering in the paediatric service at the hospital tonight, to keep the kids some company, so I wouldn't be able to make it."

"Oh I know I don't _have to_ , but I want to." Evelyn insisted with a sweet smile. The whole town knew how kind of a man Dr. Henry Allen was. "At least Barry should come."

"Mom!" Caitlin squealed, spotting a mile away what her mother was trying to do. She was setting them up. Except she didn't know about the kiss and that the two of them hadn't really cleared the air about it. Caitlin was just afraid it would be awkward.

"Why not? My fridge's empty anyway." Barry shrugged.

Caitlin's head swirled around to almost glare at him, but the cheeky grin on his lips almost melted away her annoyance. It didn't help that Barry's hand was still spreading warmth at the small of her back.

"Fine." She huffed, trying to hide the part of her that was kind of happy he had accepted her mother's offer. Maybe that kiss wouldn't change everything in their newfound relationship.

"Perfect," Evelyn chirped, "Be there at 7. You know where the house is." She added with a wink.

* * *

_[10 years ago]_

" _Barry…"_

_The name fell down her lips more as a moan than the warning it was initially supposed to be._

_A low chuckle vibrated against her skin and she felt all of her good senses fly out the window. She grabbed his face and brought him back to hers to give him a lingering kiss. Make-out session on his bed was one of her favourite activities these days._

" _Barry…" She repeated when she pulled away to catch her breath. "We have to stop."_

_He groaned as he nuzzled her neck. "Why?"_

_Caitlin rolled her eyes at his whining tone. "Because. Someone is going to walk in on us and I'm not sure you want that."_

_He pulled away and grinned down at her. "Nobody's going to walk in."_

_She raised a doubtful eyebrow. "Yeah right. Do I need to remind you we're supposed to be studying for the bio test we have tomorrow?"_

" _Oh but we are studying, my dear." He replied cheekily before peppering kisses along her jaw. "We have here the mandibular bone… Ain't Anatomy a fascinating subject?"_

" _You're such a nerd." She swatted him playfully and he chuckled again before dropping a sweet kiss on her lips. But Caitlin deepened it as soon as their lips touched, biology completely forgotten._

" _Barry, this came in for you today."_

_The deep voice of Henry Allen surprised both teenagers. They jumped apart and sat up on the bed, avoiding each other's eyes._

" _Oh Caitlin's here." Henry cheered as he stood in the doorway of Barry's room. "Hey there. How are you?"_

_Cheeks completely flushed, Caitlin tried to straighten her shirt and act composed. Henry chuckled at the flustered teenagers and shook his head before dropping the letter that had come in for Barry on the bed and leaving the room with one last warning. "Please wear protection!"_

" _Oh god…" Caitlin groaned as she fell back on the bed, hands rising to her face to hide her burning cheeks. "I told you we had to stop… This is so embarrassing…" When Barry didn't comment on her reaction and on what had just happened, Caitlin uncovered her eyes to look at him and rose slightly on her elbows. "Barry?"_

_He was still sitting on the bed, reading the letter Henry had brought, and after a moment of silence, he answered in a groggy voice. "I got in."_

" _What are you talking about?" She asked._

" _I got in the forensics' program." He simply answered, not looking at her._

_Caitlin instantly straightened up to sit next to him. "That's great Barry! I'm so happy for you!" She squealed, throwing her arms around him. "Where?"_

_Barry finally turned slightly to look at her. "Not in Central City." He whispered in a sad voice even though she could see in his eyes how excited he was about the news. If only it had been in Central City._

_Caitlin's joy deflated a bit but her smile didn't falter. "It's okay Barry." She replied in a soothing voice, her hand going straight to his hair. "This is a huge opportunity for you! And we'll get through this, I promise. You won't get rid of me that easily. You're stuck in my heart, Barry Allen."_

* * *

"So Barry, I'm sorry to hear you're single again."

Caitlin almost choked on the potato she had just put in her mouth. "Mom!" She protested when she finally managed to swallow safely.

"Oh hush Caity, let the young man talk." Evelyn looked sternly at her daughter, but the sneaky smile on her lips told them she wasn't sorry _at all_ that Barry was single. She was just pretending to get some information from him.

Barry glanced sympathetically at Caitlin, handing her the water, before turning back to Evelyn and giving her a shy smile. "That's right. But it's just been a little over three weeks."

"Well, no time like the present to move on," the older woman instantly replied, her grin widening itself, "right Caitlin?" She added, sending a knowing look towards Caitlin.

The young doctor could only roll her eyes and bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from turning crimson red from the unwanted attention. The fact that Charlie was silently chuckling on his chair didn't help her case at all.

The four of them were sitting around the dinner table in the Snow-household, sharing a meal cooked by Evelyn with perfect care.

Without really knowing why, Caitlin had taken more time than usual to prepare herself for a simple family dinner with one guest. But it wasn't any guest. So she had carefully applied her makeup, chosen one of her favourite elegant blouses and some tight fitting jeans. The extra minutes she had taken to get ready had apparently paid off, as Barry had looked at her dumbfounded as soon as she had opened the door for him.

He had slightly blushed, as she had raised an eyebrow at his staring, and murmured, "Wow, you look amazing Cait," before following her into the house, not missing the blush that had crept up Caitlin's cheeks. He had brought a bottle of wine and her mother had excitedly hugged him.

And then Charlie had come in and the whole atmosphere had turned into a more laid back one. They had taken place at the table and talked about Charlie's job at the Snow Law Firm, about Barry's teaching position and his students' graduation coming up soon, about Evelyn's terrific cooking skills and about Caitlin's day she had spent with Lily a few days before.

Caitlin had really wished the evening would end without her mother making any inappropriate comment on Barry's relationship with her daughter. She should've known that wouldn't happen. She was pretty sure her mother had staged this whole dinner expressly to find more about it.

"Well, it's just that you are both single and we all know you have history but still seem very close and…" Evelyn continued innocently.

"Mom! Would you stop?" Caitlin cut her off one more time; really hoping her mother would stop being so damn stubborn, just for once in her life.

"I'm just saying…" The older woman trailed off and Caitlin rolled her eyes, really not liking where this conversation was going.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Caitlin knows where I'm standing, the ball is currently in her court." Barry replied to her mother to everyone's surprise. "I'm happy with any decision she makes. As long as it's what makes her happy." He added. His eyes flitted to Caitlin's and her cheeks instantly flushed.

How could he be so amazing to her? What had she done to even deserve him? He always seemed to know the right words to say. She knew his statement wasn't completely true because she was pretty sure he wouldn't be happy if she decided to cut him out of her life, but it was the intention that counted.

She gave him a slight nod with a shy smile, letting him know she really appreciated what he had said. She then turned back to her mother. "Can we _please_ talk about something else?" She almost begged.

"Well I'm quite satisfied with the answer I got, sweetie." Evelyn's smile hadn't faltered in the least. "Now, who wants dessert?"

They all nodded eagerly and Charlie helped his mother clean up the table and they both went to the kitchen, leaving Caitlin alone with Barry.

Caitlin nervously fidgeted with her napkin, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear every 30 seconds as a habit. Barry couldn't help but think she looked cute like that.

"Did you mean it?" She finally whispered after a couple of minutes of silence, her eyes shyly rising up to meet his.

"Every single word." He replied as softly, making her heart skip a beat.

She nodded slowly before taking a deep breath. "I want you to know that I'm not trying to push you away, not this time." She explained, her eyes not leaving his. "But I'm sacred…"

Barry frowned at her words. "Scared of what?"

"Of a lot of things. Scared of not being good enough, scared of being hurt, scared of hurting you…" She answered in a whisper. "Scared of losing you…"

"Cait…" He breathed out, his heart breaking for her.

"No Barry, let me finish." She stopped him softly, her eyes never leaving his. "I don't want to rush into anything I'll regret later. I need to be sure of what's going on in my head. I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt you because I changed my mind at the last minute."

Barry wanted to reach out to put his hand on hers, where it sat on her crumpled napkin. But the dinner table was a bit too wide and he wouldn't be able to reach for her hand without making a total fool of himself and ruining the perfect moment.

So he simply murmured, "take all the time you need to figure it out, just let me be there for you. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck in my heart, Caitlin Snow."

A shy smile curled her lips up and her eyes were filled with a whole lot of feelings she wasn't quite ready to voice out. But they had never really needed words to communicate. Simple looks were more than enough.

"I'd really like that." She barely breathed out before her brother and her mother came back with the dessert.

They had no idea what had happened between the two old high school sweethearts but they knew there was something more than simple friendship there – if the secret smiles and looks Caitlin and Barry shared for the rest of the evening were anything to go by.

Charlie and Evelyn didn't comment on it. They were just happy to see Caitlin in a better place.

She deserved it.


	17. Rhythm Of Love

" _We may only have tonight  
But till the morning sun, you're mine  
All mine  
Play the music low  
And sway to the rhythm of love"_

_"Rhythm Of Love – Plain White T's"_

* * *

Barry shook the water out his hair as he waited for the front door to open. They had all been surprised by the sudden storm that had covered over Ryker Neve in the early afternoon. It had taken Barry just the time to get from his car to the front door to be completely drenched to the bones.

The door finally opened in front of his eyes and he greeted the woman who had opened it. "Hi Mrs. Snow."

"Please Barry, I told you years ago to call me Evelyn." She chuckled as she stepped aside to let him in.

"Sorry." He grinned back. "How are you doing, Evelyn?"

"Very good, thanks for asking. My daughter is keeping a very attentive eye on my health, so nothing to worry about. Speaking of which, Caitlin is in the kitchen." She informed him cheerfully. "I'll be out of your hair in a second."

"Oh you're leaving?" He asked, surprised by the news.

"Well, yes, I wanted to give you two some alone time." Evelyn explained like it was the most logical thing ever. "I'll just go grab my bag and I'll be gone."

Barry just laughed, bid her goodbye and went towards the kitchen while Evelyn disappeared in the next room.

He stopped in the doorway as he spotted Caitlin, her back to him, bowing forward and staring intently at the microwave. He frowned for a moment, not understanding what was captivating her attention like that. But then he heard a slight 'pop' and then another one and another one. That's when he realised she was actually mesmerised by the popcorns popping up in the microwave and he had to chuckle. He was pretty sure she had seen much more impressive things at S.T.A.R. labs than this simple phenomena.

Caitlin straightened up once she heard his soft laugh and turned to him with an innocent grin on her lips. "Hii…" She trailed off.

Barry's shoulders shook under his laughter. "Hey there. Sorry for disturbing your intense staring contest with those popcorns." He teased with an equal grin on his face.

She rolled her eyes but didn't bother replying.

"I brought ice cream and a classic movie." He informed her as he showed her both items in his hands.

She arched an eyebrow as she recognised the DVD he was holding up. "Grease? Really?"

"Well that movie holds a special place in my heart now." He shrugged.

"Yeah right." She snickered. "I'm not sure what you find so special in some random night I got drunk… in fact I don't remember much about that night."

"That's probably for the best…" He commented and stuck his tongue out as she sent a death glare his way. "Summer lovin'…" Barry began humming as he laid both items on the kitchen counter.

"Oh god that I do remember…" Caitlin groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers, making Barry laugh again.

Ever since her mother had invited Barry to dinner about ten days ago and since he had agreed to give Caitlin time while she allowed him to be there for her, both scientists had spent almost every free time they had, together. They weren't a couple. But they weren't really friends either. They were something in-between. They were potentially more than what they were at the moment.

And for the time being, they were both okay with it. It meant the world to them.

Barry simply adored being the guy to make her laugh and let loose while Caitlin loved being challenged by him every single day. He had a certain way of seeing the world around them that was completely different from the by-the-book point of view she had always had. He quite literally opened her eyes on their surroundings and she loosened up in his presence. Together, they did hikes, bike rides, museums visits in the next town, went to see a new movie… She had went to his students' graduation ceremony, had cheered when the valedictorian had mentioned him in her speech, had stood by his side as he talked to parents…

They were practically inseparable these days. One night, they had even ended up in one of the only tolerable bar of Ryker Neve and it had happened to be karaoke night.

They had both ended up pretty wasted – Caitlin a little more than Barry because he wanted to be sure to walk her home safely – and Caitlin had managed to drag him to the microphone and they had both sang "Summer Nights" from Grease. It had been a blast.

They had finished the night with her in her bed after he had helped her out of her clothes and into her pyjama. She had teased him about sneaking a peak at her _goods_ and he had been glad she was too drunk or she would've noticed how red he had turned. His heart had missed a beat when, a moment later, she had mumbled something close to: "It's not as if you haven't seen them before."

He's pretty sure she doesn't remember that particular detail of their karaoke night or she wouldn't be able to look him straight in the eyes ever again.

"Why are you drenched anyway?" Caitlin finally asked as she took in the state he was in.

Barry raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You're kidding right? Have you seen the storm outside?"

"Don't tell me you walked to come here!" She asked almost sternly, even motherly like.

"No no," he reassured her with a chuckle, "but it took only a few steps outside to get me into this state."

Caitlin nodded softly as she seemed to consider something. "You have to get out of those clothes or you'll be sick in the morning… I probably have a T-shirt upstairs that I can lend you." She finally informed him. "I'll be right back."

Barry waited in silence, wondering how she could have something that could fit him. Maybe she would lend him one of Charlie's shirts he probably left here in case of emergency. He would've never imagined that, a few minutes later, she would come in with one of his own old T-shirts.

He stared at it, mouth agape, as she handed it to him. It was his red Clippers T-shirt he had thought he had lost. He had gone crazy a few years back, when he had finally gotten his hands on a couple of tickets to go see his favourite basketball team play in Los Angeles, but hadn't been able to find his T-shirt. It hadn't taken him much to convince himself to buy a different one, but he had still been mad about losing this one.

And all this time, she had been the one to have it.

"Here, I hope it still fits… I mean it probably will… but you know, you're more…" Caitlin hesitated in her ramble and continued with an unsure voice, her hands waggling randomly in front of her. "… Muscular than before… not that I've noticed or anything…" He raised his eyebrows at her in amusement and she blushed furiously. "Anyway, I'm going to stop talking now."

She turned around, took the popcorns out of the microwave and put them in a bowl before heading towards the living room where they would watch the movie, grabbing the DVD on her way there.

Barry shook himself out of his haze. He rapidly unbuttoned the wet button-down shirt he had on and slipped inside his old Clippers T-shirt instead. It still fit perfectly. As for his jeans, they weren't really wet so he didn't need to take them off. He then dried off his hair with a towel she had brought back with her when she had gone for his shirt.

He let out a small chuckle when he realised the t-shirt actually smelled like Caitlin, and then joined her with the ice cream. Caitlin was already sitting comfortable on her couch, the popcorn bowl on her lap, the movie on pause, only waiting for him to start it.

She glanced at him as she threw a single popcorn in her mouth and she arched an eyebrow as she took him in. She had to admit: he looked _really_ good right now, with his untamed wet hair, his shiny green eyes, his tight-fitting jeans and his red Clippers T-shirt. She had kind of stolen that last item during her four days break she had spent with him eight years ago. He always used to lend it to her when she spent the night at his place, and she had wanted to keep something from him before going back to college. She had just never asked for his permission. Though she was pretty sure he would've agreed to it anyway.

Barry took his place next to her and stole popcorns from her bowl as she started the movie.

During almost two hours, they commented the different scenes they already knew. Barry hummed at almost every song, Caitlin blushed and elbowed him as "Summer Nights" came up and he began teasing her about it, Barry inquired if slumber parties really looked like what was portrayed, Caitlin wondered why those guys loved their hair so damn much… and so on…

Without even realising it, after finishing the popcorns and the ice cream, Caitlin had come closer to Barry – or Barry had come closer Caitlin, neither actually knew or cared – and they ended up cuddling together on the couch. He had his arm around her waist and her head was resting against his chest, his feet propped on the coffee table, her legs curled up under her. As the credits rolled down the screen, Barry let out a long sigh of contentment.

He didn't want to move. Not an inch. He felt good.

So that's what he told her.

"I could stay like this forever." He whispered.

He almost instantly regretted saying those words as he felt her tense up against his body. He mentally cursed himself. Why was he always wearing his heart on his sleeves? Couldn't he just enjoy something without blabbing about it and freaking her out?

He was about to apologise for his loose tongue, but she spoke first.

"I'm going back." Caitlin said very quietly, pulling away from him and not meeting his eyes.

Barry's brow furrowed. He had no idea what she was talking about. "What?" He croaked.

Still not looking at him, she turned the TV off. She then cleared her throat and spoke louder. "I'm going back to Central City."

Barry's breath caught in his throat. "Wh… what? Really? Wh… why?" Barry stuttered.

Caitlin finally looked at him, a mix of excitement, fear and pain swimming in her eyes. "Well I think I reached a stage where I'm pretty happy with myself considering everything that happened. I accepted it and made peace with it." She paused for a moment and Barry nodded. He couldn't say he wasn't happy about what she was telling him – she was doing better and that's all he wanted.

"But I also got really scared when my mother got her vertigo and I know me being lost here is putting a lot of stress on her shoulders. I don't want that. So I decided to check out my options in Central City." She paused to take a deep breath, her eyes running across his face to try to decipher his thoughts. "That's how I got a job offer from Mercury Labs. It's a huge opportunity for me, Barry." She continued. "I can save what is left of my career. I don't have to start all over like I thought I would have to. It'll be good for me, but also for my mother. And I can't really pass that up."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Barry frowned. He had no idea she had felt this way for the past two weeks.

Caitlin slightly shrugged. "I didn't know it would pan out that quickly. I got the offer from Mercury labs this morning... I also didn't want to worry you too..."

They stayed silent for a moment and Barry let his hand mess with his hair to give himself something to do. He was honestly happy for her. He just didn't want her to go. "Damn, I was getting used to having you back here." He sighed, his shoulders slightly slumping down.

"I know… me too…" She whispered, her eyes avoiding his again. "But I warned you this would happen… that I wouldn't be staying here forever."

Barry shook his head, almost annoyed by her comment. "True… but I don't regret one second of it."

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows and her eyes flew back up to meet his. "Not even me ruining your relationship with Patty?"

"Not even that…" He turned slightly on the couch so he could face her completely, folding one leg to sit on it, his arm lying on the back of the couch. "Don't get me wrong, I had real feelings for Patty and we had some pretty great times together! But you coming here made me realise that I never felt with her half of what I felt with you…" He took a deep breath, grabbed the opportunity with both hands and dived head first into his confession. She was leaving and he knew he'd regret it the rest of his life if he didn't share what was on his mind, what was in his heart. It was now or never "… And I realised that, in the end, I never really got over you… You're stuck in my heart, Caitlin Snow."

"Barry…" She croaked, her throat caged up with too many emotions, her eyes gradually welling up at his words.

"No I mean it." He cut her off before she could stop him in his confession. He had things in his heart he simply needed to share with her. And he wouldn't let her fear stop him. "There's not a day passing by when I don't think: what if I hadn't let you go? What if I had really fought for you? What if I had followed you to Central City when you asked me to?"

Caitlin took him in, in all his glory. His eyes were agitated, his heart was galloping – his pulse throbbing against his skin – his hand was fidgeting as if it was itching to reach her… He had always been a passionate person, pretty much like her. And she had always wondered how two passionate people like them could ever make things work. She was convinced that they would one day crash and burn from too much of it.

She shook her head. They had talked about this. He couldn't have followed her to Central City the second time around. "Barry, your mother was sick, you had to stay here."

"But I could've come after…" He almost whined and all she wanted to do was gather him in her arms. "Instead I stayed here and buried myself in a small town without much prospect of a bright future."

Her heart squeezed in pain for him. Tonight wasn't supposed to turn out like that. At first, she hadn't wanted to tell him about her new job right away, but she had quickly realised she couldn't keep that from him after all he'd done for her.

"Your father needed you…" She reminded him softly, trying to ease away the guilt eating him inside. "And you did build a bright life for yourself, don't sell yourself short, Barry."

He shook his head. "It could've been a whole lot more." He sighed, his voice dripping with regrets.

"I know…" She whispered, her heart squeezing for him. "But I guess the love we had for each other wasn't what was missing, life just got in the way."

He slowly nodded at her comment. His fidgety hand that had rested on the back of the couch went back to his hair as he nervously played with it. "I'm really sorry for what happened to Ronnie."

"I know…" Caitlin whispered again. She really appreciated it. He wasn't just saying it for good measure. He was saying it to let her know that, if he had the ability to bring Ronnie back to her, he would do it without a second thought – even if it meant he couldn't have her for himself. It also meant he wasn't taking advantage of her loss to get closer to her.

She turned slightly to mirror his position on the couch, folding a leg under her, her hands falling in her lap, facing him. For a moment, she glanced at the empty spot her engagement ring had left on her finger, before looking back into his green eyes. "Do you know why I really pushed you away when I first came back?" She asked, deciding that if he was so honest with her, she had to do the same. "Well the one reason I didn't tell you."

"No…" Barry frowned.

"Because I felt so guilty…" Caitlin admitted silently, her eyes flitting away for a second. "Guilty that seeing you made me feel so good when I was supposed to be in love with Ronnie – which I really was, by the way. But coming back here brought back all these memories, and those feelings I tried to bury kind of resurfaced." She shrugged. "I realised there were a lot of things I hadn't dealt with when I left Ryker Neve, especially my feelings for you. Changing town didn't make them go away. I guess I never really got over you either… I just pushed my feelings for you away."

She heard his breath catch in his throat and she instantly looked down to watch his Adam's apple bob up and down the column of his throat as he swallowed. She felt her own heart miss a beat at the sight and simply couldn't look away from the hard lines of his throat. How had she never noticed how sexy a throat could be?

" _You're stuck in my heart, Barry Allen."_ She breathed out without even realising it, the words stumbling down her lips on their own accord.

Suddenly, Barry's hand was on her cheek and his fingers tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear. The softness in that simple movement made her look up and his gaze locked with hers. His face was immensely close to hers and she hadn't even felt him approach. For an instant, she saw Barry's green eyes fly to her mouth before looking back to her eyes. She couldn't help doing the same. His lips seemed so welcoming that all she wanted, _itched_ to do was kiss him. But she didn't dare. She was terrified.

Yet when Barry came closer, she didn't pull away. And when he finally – _finally_ – pressed his lips against hers, all her fears flew out the window. Everything around her was gone and all she could focus on was his mouth moulded against hers.

One hand automatically went to the back of his neck to press him further against her and the other grabbed at his t-shirt. He let out a groan and she moaned in response.

"Barry, we can't…" Caitlin finally managed to whimper against his lips. He pulled away slightly just to dive to her neck, peppering kisses along the column of her throat, not letting her words discourage him. "This is… a bad…" She tried to speak as he nipped playfully on her pulse point. " _Bad_." She gasped and he chuckled smugly against her neck, sending a whole new wave of shivers down her spine. "Idea." She finished with a pant.

Barry pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers, brushing his nose with hers. "I know…" He smiled sadly, his darkened eyes meeting her hooded ones.

Her fingers played with the hair at the back of his head, as she seemed to consider her next move for a moment, and she then brought his lips back to hers. The slight stubble tickling her chin was something new. It was the first time she really kissed him unshaven. It brought something new and exhilarating but also reminded her of all the time that had gone by since the last time they had been together like this. "But it feels so _good_." She mumbled huskily into the kiss.

A throaty laugh coming from Barry broke their connection. "God I missed this." He whispered before kissing her passionately, his tongue entering her mouth as she greedily parted her lips.

When breathing became a necessity again, Caitlin reluctantly pulled away. "But I'm leaving… we shouldn't be doing this…" She said reluctantly, her hands clutching at the back of his neck.

His thumb lovingly stroked her cheek and she got lost in his green eyes, her heart thumping loudly in her chest.

"When?" He asked.

"Huh?" She frowned, mesmerised by his eyes, losing her focus on the conversation.

Barry chuckled – utterly pleased by the effect he seemed to have on her. He hadn't seen that in 8 years and he never wanted to go so long without seeing it again. "When are you leaving?" He repeated patiently.

Caitlin shyly looked away and murmured, "In two weeks."

Barry put two fingers under her chin and turned her face so that she could look at him again. "Then we'll think about it in two weeks. Now can we please stop talking?"

And before she could answer, he crushed their lips together, a surprised moan escaping Caitlin's mouth. On their own accord, Caitlin's legs moved to straddle Barry's legs and he let out a deep groan as she ground her hips against him. Her heart burst at the sound – she didn't think anything was as beautiful as the sounds that came out of his mouth. She got lost in the feel of him against her, his hands travelling under her shirt, his lips travelling down her jaw and then throat, her fingers waving themselves in between his messy hair, her thighs clutching around his lap…

"Wait!" She suddenly protested, cupping his face to keep him away from her skin.

"What now?" Barry groaned not at all pleased by the turning of events.

Caitlin giggled at his sudden lack of patience but she could totally relate to his frustration. And she had to admit it was turning her on even more. "Let's take this to the bedroom." She explained in a husky voice. "We're too old to get caught fooling around on my mother's couch."

Barry had to laugh – she had a good point there.

She didn't need to tell him twice. A mere moment later, Barry picked her up bridal style and made a dash towards the stairs to go up to her bedroom, enjoying the clear laugh that escaped her lips. She made the journey a little harder as she applied kisses in all the area of skin in reach. She had always loved how the skin of Barry's neck was sensitive.

Caitlin could've thought of at least a dozen reasons why they shouldn't be doing this – was she really ready for this? Had they talked enough about their state of minds? What would happen when the time for her to leave comes? And so on... But all of those reasons were irrelevant once Barry delicately laid her down on her bed and looked at her as if she were his whole world. All of those reasons weighed nothing in front of the one argument telling her they should totally go through with it: Barry simply made her feel things she never thought she would ever feel.

So she let all of her worries go and let herself enjoy, body and soul, the feeling of Barry against her.


	18. Teenage Dream

" _You think I'm pretty  
Without any makeup on  
You think I'm funny  
When I tell the punchline wrong  
I know you get me  
So I let my walls come down"_

_"Teenage Dream – Katy Perry"_

* * *

Unlike most of the past year's mornings, Caitlin woke up with a perfect feeling of contentment and peace. She wasn't brought out of slumber because of a nightmare or even because a disturbing feeling of anxiousness. For once, she woke up completely rested – though she knew she hadn't reached the 7 recommended hours of sleep, far from it – but she still felt extremely good. She stretched her limbs lazily and her arm was met with a hard and warm surface. That's when a beaming smile appeared on her lips.

Caitlin turned to her side and glanced at the sleeping form next to her. He was lying on his back, one arm thrown over his head, the other resting on his bare chest as the cover was scattered over his waist and legs. His features were soft and relaxed as if nothing could ever disturb him. Butterflies came to life in her belly as she savoured the glorious feeling of waking up next to him again. Very carefully, she shifted closer to him, letting her hand wander on his chest with feather-like touches. She rested her head just above his heart, taking the time to check the regularity of its beating. The sound was so soothing she could very well see herself falling back to sleep.

But then Caitlin decided that applying her lips on his chest just above his heart seemed like a much better idea to spend her time. She felt him stir as she kissed him lightly and she looked up at his face to see his closed eyes and his lips curling up into a smile. His eyes fluttered open as she continued applying soft kisses on his chest.

"Good morning." She whispered as he glanced down at her.

Barry's lips stretched themselves into a lazy smile. "It is a _very_ good morning, indeed." He sighed, letting the arm, which had been over his head, fall to her back, his fingers instantly running against her naked skin.

"Yes it is." Caitlin agreed in a murmur before pushing herself up to kiss him on the lips. He instantly raised a hand to her hair and pressed her closer to him, earning him a deep moan from the back of her throat.

When she pulled back, his eyes fluttered open again and she got lost in his green sea.

For a short moment Caitlin felt liked she had jumped back in time. She had a hard time believing she was actually there, with him, right now, in his arms. Like the last 10 years hadn't happened. Like they had just graduated from high school and had the whole world outside Ryker Neve to discover. Like nothing could tear them apart.

But it wasn't the case. They had lived those 10 years. They had suffered through painful months, years even. They had seen part of the world they weren't sure they wanted to see. They had grown up. They had found out how fragile life could be.

But one thing was for sure: they were together again. And that reinforced the thought that nothing could truly tear them apart. They had lost each other for some time but had found their way back. And they now also knew how important it was to savour every minute you have with someone you really care about.

In silence, Caitlin shifted to lay her head back down on his chest and she let her fingers draw random patterns on his skin. She felt him shiver slightly and grinned in satisfaction, knowing the temperature of the room was absolutely _not_ the cause. She just pulled herself closer to him.

They didn't talk for a moment, they didn't need to. They just savoured the presence of the other as if taking in what it all actually meant.

Barry was the one to break the silence first, his voice sliding down his tongue in a soft melody. "I'm actually surprised I didn't wake up alone in bed." He wanted his voice to be light and cheerful, but Caitlin knew him well enough to decipher the hint of worry hiding around the edges.

"What?" Caitlin frowned and pushed her head off his chest. "Why would you think that?" She inquired, kind of offended he would expect her to disappear on him.

Barry managed to shrug even if he was lying down. "Well I was kind of expecting you to freak out and run first thing in the morning." He explained, his eyes not quite meeting hers anymore, dreading that him voicing his thoughts would trigger her fear.

She gaped at him and her eyes went round, making him instantly regret opening his mouth. What if him saying those words made her realise she really should be freaking out?

"Not that I'm complaining… far from it… I'm not… no complains here… not one…" He stuttered awkwardly, trying to save himself from his loose tongue.

"First of all," she answered very seriously, "I wouldn't do that, not to you. Second of all, this is my room, mister. I would've kicked _you_ out." She added as she arched one eyebrow. If she had been standing, she would have put her hands on her hips to enhance her snarky comment.

Barry chuckled, liberating a puff of air, relieved by her reaction. "Yeah, you would have."

She playfully stuck her tongue out before grinning like a kid. The cheerful expression was soon pushed away by two furrowed brows. "Then why were you expecting me to flee?" Caitlin inquired.

"I know you get easily scared these days, especially when things are getting serious," he shrugged again, "and it's not an accusation, you've got very good reasons." He met her eyes for a second and she nodded, waiting for him to continue. "This isn't a one-night stand, Cait. It's a big deal and I… I was afraid you'd freak out on me." He paused for a moment and then, as something seemed to dawn on him, his eyes turned worried as he looked into hers. "It isn't, right?"

"Uh? What isn't?" She looked unsure.

"A one night stand. This." Barry motioned between both of them with his hand. "It's more than a one time thing, right?"

A sweet smile appeared on her lips at his worried and endearing behaviour. She pushed herself up so that his face was mere centimetres away from hers. "Of course it isn't." She murmured softly before kissing him intensely and all thoughts of conversations flew out of his brain. Why would they be loosing their time talking when they could do this? They were running on limited time, they had to enjoy every second of it, right? She pulled away a few moments later to catch her breath, giving his mind time to clear up a bit.

Right. Talking. The key to a winning relationship. Was that what they were? In a relationship?

Too many thoughts were fighting each other in his brain and Barry was convinced it would soon explode.

"It's way more than that, Barry." She explained in a soothing voice, making everything in his head shut up. "And I understand why you thought I would freak out, I'm actually surprised I didn't. Because that's what I've been doing with you ever since I came back and maybe even before that." Caitlin sighed, seemingly lost somewhere in her mind and he waited in silence, not wanting to disturb her. "But this feels so right," she continued with a firmer voice, "that I couldn't run away even if I wanted to. I know the circumstances are complicated and we don't really know where we're going with this or if we're even going anywhere… But right now, I just want to enjoy being with you and, as you said last night, we'll deal with what'll be next when the time comes."

All trace of worry had disappeared from Barry's face, replaced by a beaming smile, almost blinding her. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that." He whispered, his fingers running from her lower back to her shoulder to then bury themselves in her hair, leaning her head against his. "And last night was amazing."

"It was perfect." Caitlin mumbled against his lips before kissing him deeply, creating a groan at the back of his throat.

Barry smirked at her when she pulled away. "Yes it was." He agreed, nuzzling her cheek.

Memories of the previous night popped up in her mind and Caitlin had to bite down on her lower lip to try to contain the blush that was threatening to appear on her face. "You learned some new moves." She said with lips slightly curled up in a shy smile.

Barry looked at her curiously and rose one eyebrow "I did, didn't I?" He replied smugly.

Caitlin flushed, unable to keep the red colouring of her cheeks away anymore. "Uh-huh." She nodded while burying her face in the crook of his neck. "I don't want to know _where_ you learned them, but I'm glad you did." She mumbled against his skin.

Barry chuckled at her flustered state. "Just to be sure, which moves are we talking about?" He teased. "The time I did that thing with my…"

She instantly looked up and swatted him on the chest with the back of her hand to shut him up. "Oh shush!"

His laughter just grew stronger. "Oh don't act so innocent. You learned some new particularly nice moves yourself." He informed her with bouncing eyebrows and a wide smile.

"Would you just shut up, please?" She demanded bashfully.

His grip on her tightened as he brought her lips back on his, changing their positions in the process, putting himself on top of her. He playfully nipped at the skin of her neck, making her giggle in the process.

"Barry!" She squealed once he pushed himself closer to her, leaving not doubts about his intentions. "I thought you had enough of _that_ last night."

"One night is far from enough for me." He groaned, his face buried in the crook of her neck. "We've got years to catch up!"

A new giggle escaped her lips as the stubble on his jaw tickled her skin, while sending shiver along her spine at the same time.

Who was she to deny him anything? Especially when he was doing that thing with his hips.

* * *

"So what do you want to do today?"

"Hum… I don't know… staying in bed the whole day seems like a really good idea, don't you think?"

"Oh you really don't have to ask me twice about it! If I could, that's how I'd spend every single day of my life."

Caitlin blushed at his word as a giggle tumbled down her lips. They were still catching their breath from their last round and she couldn't bring herself to feel outraged by the thought of spending the day in bed. She actually really wanted to do that – which was unusual for someone like her.

She glanced up at him as he leaned over her again to rest his forehead against hers. She had missed this, simple moments of sweetness with Barry Allen. Feeling his soft skin against hers was like finding part of herself again. Like she had left something with him the day she had left Ryker Neve and she was realising now that she should have taken him with her. But Caitlin was still a bit confused about what it all meant for her, for him, for them.

Complicated thoughts flew out of her mind when she felt the soft press of Barry's lips against her own. She instantly replied with passion, threading her fingers through his messy hair. She couldn't get enough of this.

She didn't know what it all meant, but she surely hoped they could keep doing this for a very long time.

Barry's finger where running down on her stomach when it started to rumble. The young man instantly cracked up and stopped his ministrations, to Caitlin's displeasure.

"Why did you stop?" She whimpered slightly. His fingers always felt like heaven against her skin and she wondered what she had done to endure the punishment of him stopping.

Barry's chuckle intensified. "Because you, my dear, are hungry. And I'm sure that you're also craving that daily caffeine dose of yours. We can come back to bed later." He noted, letting his eyebrows playfully bounce on his forehead.

Caitlin's eyes snapped opened. "Coffee..." She moaned, in a similar manner she had done the whole nigh long, making Barry burst out a laugh.

"Well, it didn't take you long to replace me, I see." He nudged her with a grin on his lips before pushing himself off her. "Come on, let's go downstairs."

Caitlin propped herself on her elbows as she watched him wander around her room. She found it somehow _very_ attractive to see him working around her room like it was his own. She watched him put on his boxers and pants before grabbing his shirt – the shirt she had stolen from him actually.

He was about to put it on when Caitlin called out to him. "Wait! Can I wear it?"

He glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "And what am I supposed to wear?" He asked confused, but threw the T-shirt in her direction anyway.

"Oh you look just fine to me like that." She commented with a smirk, her lower lip slightly trapped between her teeth, a sneaky grin hovering over her features.

He shook his head and helped her out of the bed once she was wearing his red shirt and a pair of underwear. "Well…" He drawled out, resting his hands on her hips and bringing her closer to him. "If I don't get to wear a shirt, you don't get to wear pants."

She rolled her eyes and playfully pushed him towards the door of her room to head downstairs, but he didn't miss the light red colouring of her cheeks that his comment had created.

And the fact that she didn't put any pants on didn't skip his attention either.

This was way too much fun.

As soon as they reached the kitchen, Caitlin made a beeline towards the coffee machine, stars in her eyes and a mischievous grin floating on her lips. Barry had to roll his eyes while releasing a slight chuckle at the same time. Her unconditional love for coffee was something he had never tried to understand.

She was quite a sight for sore eyes. Dishevelled hair, dreamy eyes, smiling lips, his rumpled shirt covering her chest, the lack of pants leaving her legs going on for days and ending on naked feet playing with each other.

He blinked a few times, expecting to wake up from a very nice dream at any moment.

He knew it was all really happening when she looked up at him, a frown appearing on her face while her lower lip got trapped between her teeth.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have the mark of the pillow on my face or something?" She asked while self-consciously rubbing her cheek.

Barry shook himself out of his daze and closed his gaping mouth before swallowing hard. "No, not at all..." He croaked. "You look just... Really nice."

Caitlin blushed instantly and rolled her eyes. "Oh shush. Now come over here." She said. "What do you want for breakfast?" She asked to change the subject.

"Well I make killer pancakes, if you want..." Barry suggested as he made his way towards her.

Caitlin frowned and hopped on the counter, right next to the coffee machine, making sure to keep an eye on it. "Oh no! I do remember your skills when it comes to cooking and there's no way you're coming close to the pans." She warned, shaking her head at him.

"For real? That was one time!" Barry squealed, almost offended. But the huge grin stretching his lips told a different story. "No but seriously, I'm a wizard when it comes to pancakes. You're going to love them, I promise. And they're just going to be slightly burned." He joked.

Caitlin playfully swatted him on the chest before giving him a small nod. "Okay fine. But this is your last change, Mr Allen. If something explodes, you're never setting a single foot in my kitchen again."

"Deal. Now, step aside Dr Snow, let me work my magic." He said.

A secret smile settled on Caitlin's face as she watched him go around the kitchen to find the right ustensils to make the perfect pancake batter. She took pleasure in watching him rummage through the drawers and cupboards to find what he needed.

While he began working on it, Caitlin poured herself a cup of coffee and hummed in contentment at the first gulp. A few moments later, the cup was forgotten as her eyes had been drawn by the way his arms moved while he mixed his batter. Barry seemed to notice her lack of movement and raised an amused eyebrow when he saw the way she ogled him.

"What has you got all flustered, Dr Snow?" He teased, bringing her out of her mind wandering.

She cleared her throat and looked sheepishly back to his face. "I find the way your biceps and triceps move… very… Intriguing… It's fascinating… I mean, genetically speaking… Because I'm a geneticist, of course. " She rambled for a while, finishing on a cute little pout when she realised she was only digging herself deeper into a hole.

Barry laughed, leaving the batter alone to place himself standing between Caitlin's legs. "Do you now?" He asked in a very husky voice as his hands went to rest on her hips.

Caitlin slowly nodded, pupils blown up. All of a sudden, swallowing seemed like the hardest thing to do in the world. A bare-chested Barry quickly made the top of her favourite-things-in-the-world list – not that it was far down before.

His hands slowly travelled up her sides to finally cup her cheeks while she circled her legs around his waist and brought him closer to her, her hands playing on his chest.

"Thank god making pancakes doesn't show off your abs more than naturally." Caitlin mumbled as her eyes couldn't seem to settle on a single feature of the young man, preferring to travel all over him. "Or I'd be unable to make one single coherent thought."

A chuckle made Barry's chest rumble. "That's already more than what I'm able to do in front of a bare-legged Caitlin." He whispered before kissing her.

Her eyes instantly fluttered shut as she replied with all she had, letting her hands appreciate his back, his abs, his hair, his face and basically everything within reach. On his side, it was practically the same, hands wandering from her hair to the shirt she was wearing until one ended up on her skin under it.

"I see you kids had fun last night."

Caitlin instantly pushed a dazed Barry away, hopped down the kitchen counter, smoothed her shirt back in place and hid behind Barry as he turned around to see who had just interrupted their moment of bliss. A nice shade of red crept up his cheeks and his arms instantly crossed over his naked chest as he saw a beaming Evelyn at the kitchen's entrance.

"Oh don't mind me, I'm leaving. Go on." Evelyn cheered knowingly. "Oh and Caitlin, I'm your mother, there's no need for you to hide from me. It's not like I've never seen you without any pants on." She added in direction of her daughter that was still hiding behind Barry. "Have fun! And be safe!" Evelyn called out before leaving.

Caitlin squealed in embarrassment as she let her forehead rest between his shoulder blades and her hands clutched at his waist to keep him in place.

"Wait," Barry frowned, somewhat confused by what had just happened, his arms uncrossing, "when did the Evelyn who used to give me the death glare every time I would dare to take your hand in mine – when we were still in high school – get abducted by aliens and been replaced by this all-smiley Evelyn that encourages us to have sex?"

"Oh my god…" Caitlin whimpered, her cheeks hot and beet red. "How do we always manage to get ourselves in awkward situations like this? Dug my grave and bury me in it right now, please. I don't think I've ever been that embarrassed in my whole life. And I'll probably never live that one down."

A low chuckle made his body tremble against her. "It could've been worse… five minutes later and I'm sure she would've seen something she never would've wanted to see."

Caitlin swatted him playfully before resting her hands to the small of his back. "How could I forget that we were in my mother's home and that she was probably here?" She berated herself. "What on earth could distract me enough to forget that _crucial_ detail?"

Barry turned around so fast that she hadn't time to pull away before her head fell against his chest instead of his back where it had been a few seconds ago, and her hands fell to the lower side of his belly. Her eyes widened as they travelled along the lines of his abs and her breath caught in her throat as she felt the regular sound of his thumping heart against his chest.

"Oh right… abs…" Caitlin murmured, suddenly very aware of what had been distracting her, her hands slowly drawing the lines of his abs in appreciation.

A clear laugh escaped Barry's lips. "Come on, let's go back to making pancakes." He said, before putting both hands on her shoulders to turn her around and guide her back to the kitchen counter.

Together, they cooked and ate a little too many pancakes while joking around in her mother's kitchen, not a care in the world, exchanging kisses and hugs from time to time, teasing each other quite often and simply enjoying each other. They didn't talk about serious things. They didn't mention the fact their bubble was living on borrowed time. And maybe that's why they didn't want to talk about it, maybe that's the reason why they managed to be together right now without worries about rushing things, without overthinking their action. They simply had to enjoy the small amount of time they had together.

Barry was in heaven for being able to be with her like this again and having her share herself with him without pushing him away. While Caitlin was more than happy to have this with him, she also knew that, if she needed it, she would have an escape route at the end of those two weeks. Though, right now, she really didn't think she wanted out of this. Far from it in fact.

"Okay," Barry breathed out after a huge fit of laughter Caitlin and he shared for a few minutes for some ridiculous science joke Barry had said. They had just finished cleaning up their breakfast. "I know I said spending the whole day in bed was a good idea, but I should probably go home, take a shower, change… my clothes are still a bit clammy because of yesterday's rain… I should also shave…"

"Don't!" Caitlin cut him off.

Barry frowned at her, surprised by the urgency he heard in her voice. "What? Why? I'd kill to change pants right now…" He complained as he put the button down shirt that had gotten drenched the evening before.

"No, that's not what I'm talking about…" The young doctor blushed furiously. "Don't shave." She whispered, her eyes falling to the ground.

He felt his heart beat crazily against his chest and he chuckled at how cute she looked when she was embarrassed. "Oh and why shouldn't I do that?" He teased.

Caitlin bit her lower lip as she looked back up at his face. "I kind of like your stubble." She murmured shyly. "It's kind of sexy."

"Well that's good to know." He grinned wildly before sending her a wink. "I'll see what I can do about that."

She crossed her arms on her chest and let a pout take place on her face. "Well there's no need to be smug about it."

"I'll be smug as much as I want, because my girl likes my stubble." Barry gloated some more, his eyebrows proudly bouncing.

She rolled her eyes but felt her heart miss a beat nonetheless at the sound of him calling her 'his girl'. As always, not being able to accept a single compliment, Caitlin playfully pushed him towards the front door. "Get out of here, you goof. And you better call me later!"

"I promise I will." His smile widened itself before he bowed down to drop a sweet kiss on her lips. "See you later, snowflake."

With one last wink, he left the house and Caitlin stayed still, a goofy grin on her lips, a hand hovering over her heated cheek and stars in her eyes. Her heart seemed to be tripping on stairs, beating haphazardly in her chest.

"See you later, Barry." She whispered to herself, those words suddenly sounding like the best thing in the world.


	19. Sad Beautiful Tragic

_"In dreams I meet you in warm conversation  
We both wake in lonely beds in different cities  
And time _ _is_ _taking its sweet time erasing you  
And you've got your demons, and, darling, they all look like me_

_'Cause we had a beautiful magic love there_   
_What a sad beautiful tragic love affair_

_Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting_   
_Silence, this train runs off its tracks_   
_Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?_   
_Hang up, give up, for the life of us we can't get back"_

_"Sad Beautiful Tragic – Taylor Swift"_

* * *

A small smile and a typical roll of her eyes appeared on her features as the soft ring tone of her phone cut through the air. She let the full-blown smile take place on her lips as her heart fluttered in her chest thinking about the person that was probably calling her. That was until she tried to actually get her phone.

Caitlin was currently coming out of the grocery store and heading towards the car, hands full with paper bags, sunglasses barely hanging from the tip of her nose, handbag balancing from her elbow and car keys dangling from her fingers. Reaching for her phone that laid somewhere in her bag was practically an impossible task.

She scurried towards the car, somehow managed to open the trunk and drop her bags in it. Quickly, she grabbed her phone and answered it without taking the time to check the caller ID, afraid it would cost her the few seconds that would lead her caller to hang up before she could answer. She was pretty sure she knew who it was anyway.

"Already missing me, are you?" She teased, not bothering saying 'hello' first. "I'm on my way, sweetie, I just bought a few things for our dinner tonight."

"Well it's the first time you call me 'sweetie', but I can't say I dislike it… What are we eating?"

Caitlin dropped her keys in surprise and her glasses slid a bit more down her nose. That wasn't Barry's voice on the phone like she had been expecting it to be. "Cisco?! Hiii!" She cheered, a goofy smile stretching her lips. "I wasn't expecting you to call."

Her best friend chuckled. "Well, I gathered that much. So tell me, who is sweetie? And please tell me you bought red vines!" He added excitedly.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, pushed her sunglasses back in place and picked up her car keys. "I'll have you known that not everybody is as crazy as you when it comes to red vines."

"I know, what a cruel world we live in…" Cisco answered bitterly, making Caitlin laugh while she rearranged the grocery bags in her trunk.

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?" She pointed out with a small chuckle.

Cisco hummed and she could bet he was shrugging right now. "Well, you can never be too dramatic in my opinion."

Caitlin rolled her eyes again. "Has this whole conversation even a point?"

"Can't a guy call his best friend anymore?" He retorted, almost offended. "Or are we now those friends that do the whole 'if you don't call me, I don't call you' thingy?"

She sighed as she closed the trunk of her car and leaned against it. "No no, I've just been a little busy in the last few days…"

"Yes, I got that. Busy with 'sweetie' right?" He mumbled, almost hurt that she wouldn't explicitly tell him what was going on in her life.

And Caitlin instantly understood the message and suddenly felt very guilty for not sharing more with him, for not calling him first. "Cisco…"

"Oh don't 'Cisco' me!" He interrupted her before she could actually form a sentence. "So who's the guy? Do I know him? Don't get me wrong, I am very glad you're finally getting some…"

"Cisco!" She repeated, but this time in a high pitched squeal, scanning around her scared that someone might have heard her best friend's words. Not that it was actually possible…

"Oh don't be such a prude Caity. We're both grown-ups. So tell me, who's the lucky dude?"

Caitlin pushed her embarrassment aside and huffed in annoyance. "Like I'm going to tell you _now…"_

"Ooh, a challenge, I like it!" Cisco cheered in her ear.

"This isn't a…" She started.

"So is it the sexy neighbour?" He instantly cut her off.

"Wh-what?" Caitlin almost choked on her words, eyes opening wide. "Noooo, my neighbour is like 70!"

"Well how could I know that?" Cisco asked dismissively. "So it's the cute bartender, then."

"Leave it Cisco, I'm not telling you."

"The mailman?"

"Cisco…" Caitlin warned.

"Or maybe it's a 'she'!" Her best friend suddenly exclaimed himself.

"Seriously Cisco?" She squeaked. "When was the last time you saw me attracted to a woman in that way?"

"Right… It would be hot though." He pointed out after reflecting on it.

"Oh god…" Caitlin groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Oh I know! It's the pizza delivery guy!"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Caitlin protested again, though a small smile hovered above her lips. "You've seen Ryker Neve, right? Do you really think this kind of thing happens here? And who do you take me for anyway?"

Cisco burst out laughing and Caitlin couldn't do anything but follow in the laugher.

"True true…" He said before stopping in his crazy ideas. There was a long silence during which he seemed to consider his next words. "Oh my god!" He suddenly shouted out and Caitlin had to put distance between her phone and her ear to avoid any damage to her hearing. "Is it your ex?! As in your ex Barry Allen?! The guy that was a total jerk to you at the reunion?"

Her heart tripped at the mention of Barry's name. But fear also gripped at her being while she thought about the different reaction Cisco could have at the revelation – good and bad ones, especially bad ones.

"I never said it was one of his brightest moments…" Caitlin trailed off.

"So _it is_ him?!" He insisted.

"No… I… Hum… I never said that!" She protested, refusing herself to admit it right away.

"Well you didn't deny it either. Come on Caity..."

Cisco's voice seemed suddenly more strained, far from the cheery sound it had been a few moments ago. And that pushed her to tell him the truth. To tell him that yes, she had fallen back into the arms of her high-school sweetheart. That yes, she knew it was a bad idea. That yes, someone would probably get hurt after this. But she would also tell him that yes, she felt great in Barry Allen's arms. That yes, he was healing her, in his own particular way.

"Yes… It's him…" Caitlin whispered, waiting for the reprimand coming from her best friend. "But please keep the lesson for when I'm back in the city…"

There was a light sigh on the other side of the phone line. "I wasn't going to give you a lesson… I just hope you know what you're doing."

A single tear formed at the corner of her eye and Caitlin quickly chased it away, afraid he would feel it. "I don't, actually." She breathed out. "But for once it kind of feels liberating, you know? Not knowing what will happen, just living it one day at a time."

"If you say so…" Cisco trailed off, not completely convinced by her argument. "Just be careful, okay?"

A smile instantly appeared on her lips. "I will. Thanks for being understanding, Cisco." She whispered gratefully.

"Always there for you, Caity." He replied in a cheerier voice that made her heart soar in her chest. "So, what are you doing tomorrow?"

Caitlin frowned at the question. "Hum… Probably spending the day with Barry, why? What's tomorrow?"

A long pause on Cisco's side made her heart suddenly pick up its pace.

"Cisco?" She called out.

He cleared his throat before answering. "Oh, nothing nothing, I was just asking out of pure curiosity." He quickly explained, making Caitlin's frown deepen itself. "Sorry, I just realised I forgot something at the lab and spaced out. Anyway, I'll leave you join 'sweetie'. It was great hearing your voice Snowy. I'm glad to have you back in the city in not too long."

"Yeah, me too…" Caitlin whispered, not as much excited as he was. She didn't even berate him for calling her 'Snowy'; she barely registered him saying good-bye. All she could think about was her moving-back-to-the-city date approaching each day a little more.

But then she shook her head and put away her phone. Barry was waiting for her and she couldn't leave him hanging. And she also couldn't wait to be in his arms again.

* * *

A slight breeze on her bare shoulders was what woke her up the next morning. Without opening her eyes, Caitlin blindly searched for the cover and pulled it back over her naked body. The chill decreased slightly but not enough for her to feel completely comfortable. The cool air usually didn't bother her that much. And then she frowned.

Something was missing, keeping her complete comfort out of reach.

Her fuzzy brain finally pushed the sleepiness away and Caitlin realised there wasn't any weight against her back or over her waist. There weren't legs tangled in between hers. Her head wasn't resting on a firm warm chest. And that's why the breeze had woken her up. In the last few days, she hadn't minded the nightly wind that swept through Ryker Neve at that time of the year. Because in the last few days she had had her own warming blanket.

Caitlin cracked an eye open and turned her head to see Barry's side of the bed completely empty. There was still the imprint of his head on his pillow and his discarded side of the bedcover. But no Barry.

It was Sunday, so she knew he didn't need to go work. And since the summer break had just begun – and even when he had to go somewhere – he always made sure to say goodbye before leaving. He also usually woke up after her when he didn't have anything planned in the morning.

So where was he this particular morning?

Caitlin turned to lay on her back when she heard the bathroom door open and someone approaching the bedroom. The next thing she knew and Barry was stepping inside the room, only wearing a pair of boxers.

Her eyes fell to his well-built chest and she bit her lower lip, as the sudden need to draw his abs with her fingers took hold of her. Wrenching her eyes away from his chest, she looked up at his face, knowing perfectly that she'll find a smirk plastered on his lips. She _did_ find his typical smirk, but what came with it made her cringe.

"Huh… What is this?" She carefully inquired, her face strained to keep herself from appearing completely repulsed. But she just couldn't let that small detail slide.

"What do you mean?" He kinked his brow, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, casually crossing his arms on his chest.

Caitlin rolled her eyes because he perfectly knew what she was talking about. She pointed at his face. "I'm talking about that thing above your upper lip."

"Oh this?" Barry beamed, his thumb and index finger slowly and proudly stroking the full moustache that had taken home under his nose. It was thick and made a huge contrast to his naked cheeks and chin. "It's pretty cool, isn't it?"

She gaped at him. "Uh… no, it's not."

"I thought you liked my facial hair?" Barry remarked, a slight frown appearing above his eyes.

"Oh no!" Caitlin shook her head with wide eyes. "What I said was that I really like it when you have stubble. This is _not_ stubble. This is a full on _moustache_."

A chuckle bubbled up from his throat. "Aw come on, you'll get used to it."

"Ugh, no. Shave it." She ordered, shooing him away with her hand. "It makes you look like a creepy old guy."

"Aw but I like it!" Barry whined but the twinkle in his eyes told her he didn't really mean it.

"And I don't." Caitlin simply stated before pulling the bedcover away. She stood up and grabbed his button down shirt that was lying on his chair to put it on just because she could.

Barry momentarily forgot about her request and openly ogled her, his eyes travelling from her bare legs to her torso being gradually covered, as she closed the buttons of the shirt. When his eyes landed on her face, he chuckled at the single arched eyebrow she was sending his way.

Slowly, Barry moved towards her and grabbed her by the waist. Her breath caught in her throat under the intensity of his gaze. Had it been any other man, she would have scolded and shouted at the way he unabashed checked her out. But it was Barry. There was special warmth in the way he looked at her that made her insides melt every single time.

In silence, he leaned in and she let a moan escape as soon as his lips touched hers. One of her hands travelled to the back of his neck while the other rested on his cheek. They had been kissing a lot in the past few days, but, every single time, she felt like it was the first.

After a few heated kisses that had her heart pumping harder and her limbs almost giving up under her weight, Caitlin put her hand on his chest and softly pushed him away. At one point in their make out session, her lips had brushed against his moustache and it had brought her back to the conversation that they had been having. She already missed his stubble but his moustache wasn't quite doing it for her.

She giggled at the confused frown he gave her in exchange.

"Oh don't think you can distract me enough for me to forget, mister." She playfully pushed him further towards the hallway. "Now go shave that thing." She ordered while waggling her finger to dismissively designate his facial hair.

Barry chuckled and shook his head. But he willingly went back to the bathroom to shave his moustache. In the meantime, Caitlin went to grab a fresh coffee before going back to Barry's bedroom.

While sipping on her hot drink, she wandered in the room. She blushed as she had to lift her bra from the desk where Barry – _or had she been the one to do it?_ – had thrown it the night before. Under it was a stack of books and she curiously inspected the titles. Next to the few science books she found his planner open on the present day. She left her half empty coffee cup on the desk and picked up the little planner and she smiled when she saw he had the whole day free, which meant they would probably stay together, preferably indoors – as in "in his bedroom" – _the whole day_. Absent-mindedly, she traced the date with her finger.

And then her smile dropped.

Had the cup of coffee still been in her hand, it would've probably ended up on the floor, shattered to pieces.

She barely registered the sound of Barry coming back into the bedroom, bare feet and a towel in his hand while he dried off the last drops of water on his face. His moustache was gone, leaving his soft naked skin free.

"Baby-faced Barry is back. Happy?" He cheered with a wide smile.

He instantly frowned when Caitlin didn't reply. She was still standing next to his desk, her cup of coffee forgotten on the table – which was already an alarming fact. He could clearly see her tensed shoulders, her hands gripping his small planner and her bra hanging down from her pinkie finger. That last item would've made him smile if Caitlin hadn't seemed so tense.

"Cait? Are you okay?" He asked, his voice unsure.

Slowly, she lifted her head and directed her teary eyes in Barry's direction. He instantly dropped the towel, with which he had been drying off his face, and crossed the room to join her. As soon as she was in reach, his hands went to her elbows to draw her closer to him.

"Cait?" He repeated; worried about the fact that tears and throbbing lips had replaced the huge smirk she had been wearing five minutes ago. "What's going on?"

Dread seemed to creep all over his skin as hypothesis flew around his mind. Was she regretting something? Was she changing her mind? Had he done something wrong? Did she pretend liking him? Did she lie about something? Was she…? No she couldn't, they had been careful and it would be too early to know anyway…

The fact she was avoiding his eyes like the plague didn't do anything to ease up his mind. Cautiously, he let his thumb run along her cheek to make her look up at him. Her eyes finally met his and he felt his heart drop further down his chest.

That's when he remembered the planner she was clutching in her hands. "Cait?" He said again, wrecking his brain to remember if something was happening today, but coming up empty. It was like he was trying to grasp something that was in the process of evaporating. He could feel it slipping through his fingers and couldn't do anything to keep it with him. Like having a word on the tip of your tongue – knowing it's here, but impossible to find it.

And then Caitlin finally broke the excruciating silence that had been hovering over them.

"It's been one year today…" She whispered, looking back to the planner, one single teardrop falling on it.

"Wh… What?" He shook his head, not instantly getting what she was saying. Damn his foggy brain for not understanding the most important things.

"Barry…" She croaked, her pleading eyes flying back to his, begging him to understand so that she didn't have to explain her words, as if it was too painful for her. And it probably was.

"Oh." He simply said, as his foggy mind seemed to suddenly clear up. "Oh!" He repeated with more conviction when he actually realised what she was talking about.

He wondered how he could sometimes be very, _very_ , clueless. There were only two things he knew that could get her in that state – or maybe three if he was counting himself in it. Only two other things were left.

Her dad…

… And Ronnie…

"I almost forgot…" Caitlin sobbed, bringing him back to the current situation. "I was so wrapped up in you, in us and our little bubble that I didn't even realise it was today… or that it was even approaching." The words tumbled down her lips as fast as the tears now streaming down her face.

"Cait, I…" He croaked, drawing her closer, moving to hug her.

But she instantly pushed him away. "And how can I feel so happy when he's dead?! Barry, Ronnie's dead!" She insisted, half shouting, half choking on her tears. "Ronnie's dead and I'm here all giddy and smiley…"

He tried to gather her up in his arms again to soothe away her pain but she simply pushed him away and took a few steps back. Guilty was written all over her face and he felt a grip on his heart, knowing he was part of the reason she hurt that way. He knew he wasn't responsible for Ronnie's death, but he was part of the reason why she forgot about the date.

"How can I be such a bitch?" She exclaimed herself suddenly, anger taking hold of her soul, replacing part of the sadness. "Cisco even called me to ask what I was doing today, and all I could think about was _you_! Like it didn't even graze my mind. He was my fiancé! How can I forget he's gone?!"

Barry took a step towards her, but her flaring eyes instantly stopped him. He was at a loss for words. All he wanted to do was to comfort her, but he somehow felt that every single thing he could do would make things worst.

Caitlin didn't seem to notice the torturing fight going on inside Barry, and she just let her anger speak again. "Not even one year after his death and I'm already fooling around with my ex!" She spat out with disdain.

That sentence felt like an arrow through his heart and his breath caught in his throat. "We're not fooling around." He finally stated with a strained voice. He sounded offended and dismissive. And it was how it felt too.

"Oh really?" She raised one dubious eyebrow as she crossed her arms on her chest, adopting a defying position. The tears had stopped from falling down her face and were now drying on her skin. "Then what is all of this, huh? Some epic romance finally coming full circle? You know I don't believe in that kind of crap!"

"Well nobody told you to act like you cared!" Barry suddenly snapped. He knew she was angry – mainly with herself – frustrated and feeling guilty, and was taking it all out on him. But he couldn't bear hearing her dismiss their relationship like that.

"What kind of fiancé does that make me?" She continued, seemingly not moved by his remark. "What kind of _person_ does that make me?"

"A passionate one, Cait!" The words flew out of their own accord, even though they felt heavy on his tongue. "You love with your full heart and you lose with the same intensity."

She looked at him wide eyed, as if realising just now that he was talking back to her. He took advantage of her pause to take a deep breath. "You know we're more than a couple of kids fooling around." He said as he finally took another step towards though. And this time she didn't pull back. "We always were more than that. And us being together in no way lessens the way you felt about Ronnie. I know you feel that way, but it doesn't. I know you loved him. I know you still do and probably always will. And I'm okay with that because he's part of who you are." He softly shook his head, trying to convey his feelings through his words – even though it had never been part of his talents. "I'm not trying to replace him, Cait, you know that. But you have to let yourself go on with your life."

"But he's gone, Barry… he's gone…" She choked on her words and Barry took another step forward.

"Cait…" He breathed out. She was still there, with him. It meant they could get through this, right?

She shook her head and distanced herself from him, avoiding the hand he stretched towards her, crushing his heart in the process. He felt the progress, his words had brought them, slip through his fingers.

"I'm sorry, I can't…" Caitlin whispered, her eyes going to the floor.

"Please don't push me away." He pleaded in a weak voice, letting his hand fall back against his side. "We can talk about this. We can go through this together, I promise."

"I… I have to go…" She stuttered, not meeting his eyes and taking another step back, almost tripping on her shoes lying on the floor.

Barry started to well up, watching the wonderful woman in front of her retracting back behind her protective walls, out of his reach. "Cait… Please stay and let's talk about this…"

Agitatedly, she began gathering her things, slipping through a pair of jeans, grabbing her bag and keys, not bothering changing out of his button down shirt. "I… I can't, I'm sorry…" She repeated in a groggy voice. "I need some time alone. I… I'll call you later."

He wanted to say something to make her stay, but he understood it was something she had to do on her own – even though it was crushing his heart and his soul. She had always been the kind of person to need some alone time to come at peace with her problems. And he knew she needed him to let her have this.

But it didn't mean he would give up on her, or them. He was just going to give her _some_ time.

So he simply nodded, trying to convey all his feelings for her through a simple look. _'I'm here for you, Cait. I won't give up on you.'_

And her lips slightly curled up in a sad smile when she understood, her heart swelling in her chest for that wonderful man she could call 'hers' if she wanted to – and she did. So she closed the small space between them, rose to her tiptoes and dropped a small peck on his lips. She stopped for a moment, forehead against forehead, breathing the same air, eyes mere inches away.

And then she pulled back. And without another word, she went out the door, leaving Barry with a heavy heart and no shirt, alone in his bedroom.


	20. 1, 2, 3, 4

_"Give me more loving from the very start_   
_Piece me back together when I fall apart_   
_Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends_   
_Make it feel good when it hurts so bad_   
_The best that I've had_   
_And I'm so glad I found you_   
_I love being around you_   
_You make it easy"_

_"1, 2, 3, 4 – Plain White T's"_

* * *

Barry was out of his car almost as soon as he'd cut the engine off. With a few long strides, he was on the front porch and loudly knocking on the door. A surprised Evelyn opened the door a few moments later.

"Barry, are you alright? What has ruffled your feathers?" She inquired with a typical Snow-frown on her features.

The young man gave her a weak smile and tried to look behind her to see if he could spot what he was looking for. When the silent background of the Snow-house was the only thing he found, he looked back at Evelyn with furrowed brows. "Is Caitlin here?"

"Caity?" The older woman shook her head. "No, handsome, I thought she was with you."

Barry's shoulders instantly sagged down and he let his fingers run through his hair to release some of his nervous energy. "Yeah, she was this morning…" He muttered, not really inclined to elaborate how they had spend their time until the blow out.

He hadn't heard from Caitlin ever since she had walked out on him about eight hours ago, and he was beginning to really worry about her. Even more considering she wasn't home. He thought she would just lock herself up in her old room, probably cry about Ronnie, and think a lot about her current predicament. And when she would figure things out, she would call him. But he never considered not finding her home.

"What did you do?" Her mother suddenly asked with a severe frown.

His eyes widened and flew up to meet hers. "What makes you think I did anything bad?"

Seriously, Evelyn put both hands on her hips, adopting an intimidating stance. "Well I don't know if you've noticed, but my daughter is crazy about you. Seeing you in that state makes me think you two fought about something, and since she's not here, it must be pretty bad. And I know she has a too fragile of a heart right now to be the one to risk it in doing something reckless."

Barry felt his heart drop further down his chest. "I… I'm not… I… I haven't done anything wrong…" He stuttered, at a loss for words, not really convinced about himself either. "Everything was fine until… until she saw the date."

Evelyn instantly dropped the severe behaviour, seeing Barry acting like a lost puppy. "What date?"

"Today's date." He croaked, now slightly rubbing the back on his neck. "It's the anniversary of Ronnie's death."

He heard Caitlin's mother gasp. "And she pushed you away, didn't she?" She whispered softly, worry palpable in her voice.

"That's the nice way to put it, but yes…" He sighed, nervously fidgeting with his shirt. He glanced over his shoulder for a second before turning back to Evelyn. "I'm going to look for her. The sun is soon setting down, I'd like to find her before it gets dark."

"Okay, could you please call me when you find her?"

"I will." He promised.

"Thank you, Barry."

Without another word, Barry ran back to the car to get on with his search. Ryker Neve wasn't the biggest town ever, but going through every main street, to make sure he didn't miss her, took him quite some time. Dread crept all over his neck as the daylight began to decrease further.

He let out a sigh of despair as he drove past the cemetery. It was in moments like these that he'd like to turn to his mother to ask for advice. She had loved Caitlin when they were back in high school, and he was sure that, had she still been alive today, she would have been rooting for the both of them. Nora would've told him what to do to comfort Caitlin, to keep her from pushing him away.

But she was gone and Barry was on his own to find the answers to his many questions.

He suddenly slammed on the brakes. One hand gripping on the steering wheel, the other clutching at the gearstick, Barry went into reverse to go back to the entrance of the cemetery and then stopped the car.

Rapid heartbeat and shallow breath, Barry stopped for a moment to consider his next move. Caitlin was nowhere to be found in the town. It was the anniversary of her fiancé's death. She couldn't go anywhere to pay Ronnie her respect. And her father was buried in this cemetery. She had to be there, searching for some kind of comfort at her father's grave.

Slowly, he got out of his car and made his way inside the cemetery. The heavy silence hovering over the graves was like a weight on his heart. It made him think about the numerous times he had come to this place to visit his mother. But right now, he tried to concentrate on finding her. It didn't take him long to find the way back to her where he thought he could find her.

And there she was, sitting on a bench not far from where he knew her father's grave was. He couldn't help but think she looked beautiful, even though her hair was kind of a mess and her face looked strained. She was sitting back, hands curled on her lap, tired eyes looking into nothingness.

The last steps bringing him to her seemed to take way more effort than normal. He was terrified about what could happen next, what it would mean for them.

"Hey." He softly whispered as he stopped next to her, not wanting to scare her.

Caitlin slowly looked up at him and when their eyes met, one single tear rolled down her cheek. Barry wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe it away, but he was afraid of her reaction.

"Can I sit there?" He asked in a hushed tone, pointing to the free spot next to her on the bench.

A very shy smile appeared on her lips as she barely nodded. It was enough for him to take place next to her. His heart swelled in his chest as she instantly shifted closer to him. He let one arm go around her shoulders so that she could lay her head against his, her hand going to play with his shirt.

They stayed like this for moment, without saying a single word, just watching the sun going down and the trees' shadows growing bigger over the graves.

"I'm sorry…" Caitlin finally whispered after what felt like hours.

Barry frowned. "For what?"

"For snapping at you like that this morning. And for walking out on you, on us." She explained in a murmur.

"Hey don't worry about that, you've got nothing to apologise for."

Carefully, she untangled herself from him and moved to face him. "Of course I do. I'm taking all my frustration and anger and guilt out on you, and I don't know how to stop it."

"I don't mind because I get it. I know how losing someone can make you cold and angry and mean. I don't mind as long you let me be there for you. Don't push me away. Just let me help you."

Biting her lower lip and avoiding his eyes, she slowly nodded. "I just…"

Barry waited for her to continue, but she didn't seem to find the right words to convey her feelings. "You just what?" He inquired softly, trying to show his support.

"I don't know what to do…" She croaked.

"And that's completely normal."

"No, it's not! Not for me!" She suddenly stood up, sending her arms in the air and puffing in annoyance. "I always know what to do. I'm always in control of the situation. I've always been good at handling things." She shuffled her feet to the ground before turning to her father's grave. She leaned over to rearrange the flowers she had brought. "Look at me, Barry!" She continued, almost choking on her words. "I lost my father but I still managed to graduate from university. I lost my fiancé and went on with my work. It's the first time in god knows how long, that I don't have a damn idea about what I'm doing. And I've been feeling like this for three months. I can't take it anymore."

His breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped beating. "What do you mean?"

"This, us, me here… What's the point? It's not getting me anywhere."

"The point of you being here?" He repeated, just to make sure he had heard her right. When she slightly nodded, he couldn't help but gape at her. "To heal, Cait. You came here to heal. To gain back the control over your life." He stated in a firm voice.

"Well that went great, right? I'm right back at square one." She snorted, spite infecting her tone.

"No you're not. You're a far cry from the broken mess you were when I saw you at Iris's café that first week."

She crossed her arms over her chest and raised a not-so-happy eyebrow. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Cait…" He trailed off, not really knowing how to deal with this version of her he had rarely had the occasion to talk to. She was stubborn and not hearing any of his arguments. She was dismissing him as if she already knew his words would be useless to change her point of view.

"Who are we kidding, really?" She cut him off, her voice dripping from bitterness.

"Wh-What?"

"Look at us, Barry." Caitlin huffed, showing the space between them. "We're right at the same place we were 8 years ago."

"No we're not."

She rolled her eyes skyward. "Oh please. We're both ignoring the fact that we've been apart for 10 years and that things happened during that time apart. We're also ignoring that in one week I'll be back on a plane. We can't just live a blissful life just because we decided we did."

"Who says we can't?"

"Everything shouts it. Don't you hear it? I'm still a mess and sleeping with you isn't changing that."

"Could you…" Barry snapped and stopped himself before shouting the rest of his sentence at her. He let out a long huff of annoyance before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Could you _please_ stop talking about us as if it were a simple booty call?" He finished in a softer voice.

Those words had the effect of a punch for Caitlin and she looked at him as if she had just realised he was there and had feelings too. "I… I'm sorry, you're right. But admit it, this isn't solving anything."

"I know…" Barry sighed, letting a hand run through his hair. "I just wish it could. I wish that me being here with you would fix everything. I wish I could take your pain away. I…"

"Barry…" She croaked as her eyes welled up.

He lifted his hand, asking her silently to let him finish his thought. "When I lost my mom, all I wanted to do was run to Central City and forget about everything that had happened. I just wanted to see you, hear your voice, feel your smile on my neck… I wanted to get back in the safety of your arms…"

A breath caught in her throat as a tear finally escaped the confine of her eye. "Why didn't you?"

"I was afraid." He explained carefully. "Afraid you had moved on. Afraid I wouldn't live up to your expectations. Afraid I wouldn't be good enough for you since I hadn't even managed to get a freaking diploma."

She gasped at his words, looking at him as if he had just grown a horn between his eyes. "How could you even think that? I was so in love with you that none of those things would have mattered, you know that."

"Maybe…" He shrugged, his eyes shifting to his hands resting on his lap. "But it didn't change the fact that my father needed me, that I would have felt guilty for being away, that you would've felt guilty for keeping me away. Fleeing Ryker Neve felt like the coward thing to do…"

"This is messed up…" Caitlin trailed off, her eyes scanning the graves around them.

A humourless chuckle stumbled down his lips. "Yeah it is… But I somehow knew this wouldn't be the end of our story. I stayed here, knowing that, someday, we'd find our way back to each other. Cait, you were the one thing constant in my life. The one thing I was always sure of. I knew that no matter what, no matter how long we were away, my feelings for you would never change."

His words brought her eyes back to him and she had to shake her head in disbelief. "Why are you so good to me, Barry Allen?"

He finally looked back at her. "Because you're amazing, and you deserve every ounce of my attention, Caitlin Snow."

She slammed her eyes shut and tears escaped freely, sliding down her face and ending on the floor. She tried to chase them away with her hand, but to no avail. So she opted in hugging herself instead. "Could you…" Her voice broke and she had to take a shaky breath before managing to continue. "Could you just hold me for awhile? Please?"

As if struck by lightning, Barry jumped on his feet and pulled her into his arms. "Of course. I'd do everything for you, Cait." He whispered, dropping a soft kiss on her hair.

Cautiously, he brought them back to the bench and they sat together in silence, in each other's arms, hands clutching the fabrics of their clothes. He had no idea how long they stayed like that. But when the darkness completely engulfed them and that he felt Caitlin shiver from the slight breeze, Barry knew it was time to get back.

Presenting her his hand, Barry softly whispered. "Let's go home."

Caitlin nodded before taking his hand and silently following him towards his car. A few minutes later and Barry was pulling up in front Caitlin's childhood home. The sound of gravel under the car's wheels seemed to bring her out of her reverie.

With surprised eyes, she looked around her before turning towards Barry. "What are you doing?" She wondered with a weak voice.

Barry frowned. "I'm bringing you home."

"Oh." Caitlin simply said before glancing back to the house resting under the shiny moon. "I thought we were going back to your place." She whispered without turning to him.

His heart squeezed when he realised she had associated the word 'home' with his place. Or maybe he was just making things up in his mind. "Well I thought you'd feel more comfortable here, with your mom and without me hovering around." He explained, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

She nodded without a word. For a short moment, she seemed to be considering her next move and Barry just let her mind work its magic. He wasn't going to push her out of his car, far from it. The longer she stayed with him, the better he felt.

Finally, she opened the door and stepped out of the car. His face fell and he felt like the car and ground under him were about to give away and he'd fall into an endless pit of suffering and misery.

But before he could wallow too long on his own predicament, Caitlin bowed down to look at him. "Could you wait for like a couple of minutes? I'll be right back."

A slight frown created a crease in between his eyebrows but a small smile managed to creep up his lips anyway. "Sure." He croaked back.

She nodded before turning back and going to her house. Barry watched her go and cut the engines off, knowing it would probably take her a bit more than a couple of minutes. He had no idea what she had planned, but he wasn't going contradict her.

About five minutes later, the front door of the Snow house opened and Caitlin stepped out on the porch with her mother. He watched the two of them exchange a few words before they hugged tightly. Barry noticed the small duffel bag that was dangling down her fingers.

After one last wave to her mother, Caitlin walked back towards the car, threw her bag in the back and took place in the passenger seat.

"Let's go." She whispered as a small and shy smile curled her lips up.

"Where?"

Her small hand travelled to his right one that was currently clutching at the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. He hadn't even realised he was doing it until Caitlin's soft fingers untangled his and soothed the pain away.

"Your apartment." She murmured when his met hers again.

Barry swallowed hard under the intensity of her stare and nodded slowly. And he then started the car. They stayed silent, hands tangled together above the gearstick, during the whole drive that connected her place to his.

Once in his apartment, they hovered around his living room, not really knowing what to do or how to come back from the tension between them. Barry went to the kitchen and brought back two glasses of water. Caitlin hadn't moved an inch.

She simply murmured a small "Thanks" when he handed her the glass.

"Are you hungry?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

The young man nodded in agreement. The lump in his throat would've ruined all kind of food he'd try to put in his system anyway. He then decided to act as normal as possible and to go about his evening like he would every other evening. About ten minutes later, he was sitting on the couch, sorting some of his paperwork. Every few seconds, he would glance at Caitlin, that was now sitting on the armchair not far from the door with an empty glass in her hand. She seemed completely immersed in her mind, not even noticing his presence.

He let a hand swipe down his face to try and take away some of his tiredness. He had no idea how he should act, what he should tell her, what he should do…

"You know you can talk to me, right?" He managed to say softly.

The simple nod she sent his way followed by complete silence was as effective as a hammer thumping down on his heart. He knew he had to let her have some time to deal with everything, but it was killing him to see her like that. He shook his head and went back to his paperwork even though it was the last thing his brain wanted to do right now.

"I can't lose you, Barry…" She suddenly whispered, the words falling down straight from her heart.

His eyes flew up to watch her again and his breath caught in his throat when he saw the fear written on her features. He jumped on his feet and joined her, kneeling in front of the armchair, putting one hand on hers. "You won't, Cait. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

She let her eyes run all over his face and she shook her head. "You can't promise that, Barry. You know that."

"Watch me." He insisted, squeezing her hand to accentuate his words.

"Barry…" She cocked her head to the side and looked at him lovingly, though her brows were knitted in a frown. "Don't you think Ronnie told me the exact same thing? That he wouldn't leave me anytime soon?" She pointed out with a strained voice. "I don't think I'd survive loosing you too."

His heart broke with hers. "I know… I… it's… it's just…" He stumbled on his words and he cursed himself for not being able to utter a single decent sentence. "I promise I won't leave you on my own free will. I'm in this for the long haul, Cait."

A sudden glint appeared in her eyes and he felt his heartbeat pick up at the sight. He instantly recognised it for what it was.

Hope.

And without a single warning, Caitlin grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him to her to crush his lips against hers into a bruising kiss.

After a few seconds of surprise, Barry's hands went to her waist and he leaned over her to bring her immensely close to him. His heart was beating like it was stumbling down the stairs, while all his senses seemed to be heightened and focused on the woman in his arms. The frailty of her body, the feel of her clothes against his fingers, her nose bumping against his every few seconds, her teeth nipping on his lower lip, her tongue soothing the bruises away, her hands gripping at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She repeated in between kisses, her hands going from his chest to the back of his neck to keep him close to her.

"Stop apologising." He mumbled against her lips. "Your behaviour is completely normal."

"Still…" Caitlin whispered as she slightly pulled away to rest her forehead against his. "You don't deserve to be treated like that."

"Cait, it's okay. I can handle it." He reassured her, one hand going to stroke her hair and cheek, eyes diving in her hazel-brown world. "As long as it means you're healing. You won't get rid of me that easily."

He felt her grip on the back of his neck tightened itself as she expelled a shaky breath. "I'm just really, _really_ , scared."

"I know…." He softly replied, putting every ounce of his soul in those two words, trying to convey how much he meant them. "But I'll be there every step of the way, if you want me to. I won't go anywhere as long as your good sense still wants to have me around, me and my awkward and rambly personality."

That earned him a small chuckle from the young doctor and Barry felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. That sound was the most beautiful thing he had heard in a long time. But then he had no idea what was waiting for him.

Her chuckle died down and a small tuck on his neck brought their faces back together. "God, I think I'm falling in love with you again." She suddenly whispered against his lips.

Barry choked on the snarky remark he had been about to deliver. He pulled away to seriously look into her eyes. "Wh-what?"

Her lips curled up into the earnest smile he had seen all day long. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of having you around."

He inhaled a sharp breath. "That's… that's not what you said…"

"I know." She smiled sweetly, eyes shining with happiness – a far cry from the state she had been in a few moments before. "What I said was, you're a wonderful and amazing man that I should've never let go. I'm tired of pushing you away because I always seem to find my way back to you. So what's the point of fighting this?" She arched a sly brow. "Oh and also, I think I'm falling in love with you again, Barry Allen."

Hadn't he been kneeling on the floor, he was pretty sure his wobbly legs would have given away under the weight of his body. "You mean that?" He croaked, still not believing her words.

"I do, with all my heart." Caitlin's heart soared when she heard his breath catch in his throat at her words. "I can't promise I'll be all sunshine and roses from now on, because I still have some things to deal with. But I want you with me, Barry. I don't know where I'm going or what the future holds, but I sure hope you'll be there with me to discover it. I plan on falling completely and irrevocably in love with you and I'm pretty sure I'm already close to that."

When she stopped talking, she suddenly realised Barry hadn't said a single word to interrupt her or even make a sly comment. He just looked at her dumbstruck, round-eyed, mouth agape. With delicate fingers, she traced down the line of his hair until she reached his chin and she then slowly brought his face to hers, softly applying her lips to his in the most delicate kiss ever.

And it seemed to jolt him awake.

Without a warning, Barry stood up, while slinging an arm under her knees and the other around her waist to lift her up with him. A shriek of surprise escaped her mouth as she instantly threw her arms around his neck and secured her position by wrapping her legs around his waist. He stopped the sound by kissing her.

And then he made a move to change location. At least he tried.

"What are you doing?" Caitlin mumbled in between kisses.

"Bedroom." He simply groaned against her lips, making her chuckle.

She tried to shake her head. "No. Couch." She moaned before fusing their lips back together.

He didn't need more to rush to the couch, carefully laying her down and following after. What he didn't expect her to do was to invert their position so that she would be the one on top, trailing kisses down his jaw, neck and going towards his chest as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

God, this woman would be the death of him.

_But he loved her so much that he didn't mind a bit…_


	21. Fresh Eyes

_"I got these fresh eyes, never seen you before like this_   
_My God, you're beautiful_   
_It's like the first time when we open the door_   
_Before we got used to usual_

_It might seem superficial, stereotypical, man_   
_You dress up just a little and I'm like, "Ohhh, damn"_

_So suddenly I'm in love with a stranger_   
_I can't believe she's mine_   
_Now all I see is you with fresh eyes, fresh eyes"_

_"Fresh Eyes – Andy Grammer"_

* * *

"I knew it! You have absolutely no idea where we are! And we're lost…"

"No we're not! I know exactly where we are!"

"Oh yeah? Then tell me genius, where's the north?"

The young couple had decided to go away for their last weekend together before Caitlin's departure to Central City. They had long debated on where they should go for a couple of days, until Henry had reminded Barry of a camping trip they used to do when he was a kid. Caitlin had instantly agreed to it.

So on Friday early afternoon, after having packed their bags and camping gears, they had driven towards a camping site a couple of hours away. Leaving most of their stuff near their designated spot, Barry and Caitlin had gone to wander through the forest, to enjoy the other's presence and the delightful weather swinging through the trees.

And after a few hours of free wandering, Caitlin had her doubts on where they were exactly. And especially on the fact that Barry knew where he was going. Seeing him walking haphazardly was quite the show. Eyebrows crunched together, squinty eyes, hands messing with his hair, legs not really knowing where they should go next… He kind of looked really cute.

A hand going to scratch his head again, Barry turned on himself to study his surroundings. After a couple of minutes of turning in circles like a lost puppy chasing after its tail, he faced Caitlin again. He randomly pointed over his shoulder with his thumbs. "There?" His voice sounded everything _but_ convincing, hoping north really was in the direction he was pointing to.

Caitlin snorted and she instantly lifted a hand to her mouth to contain the laughter.

"Hey!" Barry instantly protested with a pout and crossed his arms on his chest. "Don't make fun of me. I'll find the way back, I promise!"

Caitlin rolled her eyes and continued to giggle, one hand still in front of her lips to try and contain it. "You've been saying that for the past 30 minutes." She pointed out softly.

The young man huffed. "And I'm going to keep saying it because I've already done this trail, I shouldn't get lost."

"Don't worry about it, I'm not mad, sweetie. It was a long time ago…" She tried to comfort him but he wasn't listening.

"Wait wait!" Barry suddenly stopped, sprawling his arms. "I know this place!" He exclaimed.

Caitlin curiously looked around her and raised a sly eyebrow in his direction. "Yes, that's because we've been here like 3 times today."

"No we haven't." He protested in a higher voice.

Caitlin's chuckle intensified. "Yes we have. Look at the scratch on that tree. That's where you wanted to prove that you could be cornier than you already were by carving our initials on a tree. I stopped you before you could finish your point because you were being ridiculous."

Barry approached the tree where, indeed, a couple of hours before he had begun to carve the letter 'C' in the dark wood.

"Okay, so maybe we've already been here." Barry finally admitted in a huffed tone. "But I can feel we're close to the main road."

"Again, not the first time you've said that today..." Caitlin shook her head.

He rolled his eyes. "You know you're not helping at all, right?"

Caitlin shrugged with a secret grin on her lips. "Yes, I do know that. It's just really fun to tease you." She sang in a clear voice.

Barry groaned and buried his hands in his pockets, making her think of a moody teenager. A smile still on her lips, Caitlin turned around; ready to continue wandering aimlessly.

"Yeah right..." Barry mumbled under his breath. "You're lucky I love you... But you know what?" He pointed a finger at her back. "You'll act less smug when I find the way back. I'm going to show you I can do this. Then it'll be my turn to gloat and to…" He suddenly stopped talking as he noticed the young woman hadn't interrupted him like she usually did during their banters. Instead, she was frozen where she stood, her back to him, tensed shoulders and fists clenched into balls. "Cait, are you okay?"

Very slowly, she turned to face him, furrowed brows and clenched jaw. Her whole demeanour exuded anger, except her eyes. They seemed lost until they found his face.

"What… What did you just say?" Caitlin stuttered, which was a very rare occurrence.

What had they been talking about again? It took Barry a few seconds to gain back control over the reality. "That I'll be able to gloat?" He answered unsure.

She shook her head and took a small step forward, her eyes never leaving him. "No, no before that."

Well now she had lost him. He had not a single clue about what was happening right now. And how was he supposed to remember what he had said? He sometimes didn't even remember what he had eaten the day before.

But the look of determination that had replaced the puppy look on Caitlin's face, forced him to dig deeper in his short-term memory. "That I'll find our way back to the camp site? Look I'm sorry I got us lost, but I didn't think you'd get mad about it. You don't have to worry, I'll do everything to get us back, and I'll protect you and…"

"Barry…" She cut him off in a trailed-off voice, her tone almost pleading. Even though she had only whispered his name, he had heard as is she had shouted it. Her features were now kind of different, more strained than tense, almost as if she was suffering from not having the right answer.

The young man frowned, not really understanding what she wanted to hear, but also itching to soothe away the wrinkles on her face and to put her mind at ease. He hated seeing her anything _but_ happy.

And then his eyes opened wide.

"Oh." He simply said, the single word almost getting stuck in his throat.

Instantly, nervous sweat began to gather itself on his temple as he watched her stiff position. Her face suddenly turned completely blank and unreadable.

"I didn't… That's not… Not how… I…" Barry tripped over his words, absolutely incapable of speaking correctly. He had no idea how he was supposed to handle this. Should he lie about it? Should he admit his feelings? Were they ready for that?

A few days ago, Caitlin had admitted feeling like she was falling in love with him again. But did it mean she wanted him to tell her he loved her? Would she feel pressured to say it back? He had thought about that precise moment while watching her fall asleep in his arms during the last few days. He didn't want to pressure her into anything. But he also wanted to protect his heart.

Barry knew he was, and would always be, completely in love with Caitlin Snow. But she had a habit of running away from him. He had been hurt before because of that. He knew he was already too far gone, but not telling her those three little words felt like a kind of protective armour. Were she to leave, then yes, he'd be hurt. But less than if he'd poured his heart out to her. Except his heart had decided otherwise. Maybe it was best to just ignore that pumping organ making a mess out of him.

Barry took a deep breath and shook his head. "Look, Cait… It just slipped up…"

Her eyebrows shot to the sky at his words and a flash struck in her iris. "It just _slipped up_?!" She repeated very slowly as she took threatening steps towards him.

Barry swallowed with difficulty as he took a couple of steps backwards. "I... Yes... I'm sorry...I swear I..."

She kept coming closer, and he kept taking steps back until he hit a tree with his back. He glanced behind him to check if there were any escape routes. But when he turned back towards her, Caitlin was almost pressed against him, one hand on his chest to keep him in place.

"Don't you dare take it back or I'll swear I'll be mad." She whispered with a twinkle in her eyes, a single finger poking at him at each word.

"Wh-what?" Barry stuttered, his brain completely lost.

Her eyes instantly softened and briefly went to his lips before focusing on his deep green sea again. "Don't take it back, please." She whispered, her voice barely loud enough to be heard.

But he did understand her words perfectly.

"Oh." He said again, but this times it came out more as a relieved breath.

For a few seconds, they just stayed there, staring at each other, barely space between them. All trace of anger or worry, or anything of the kind, had disappeared from Caitlin's face. A secret smile was now hovering over her lips while her eyes were shiny and bright and she simply looked breathtaking.

Barry leaned his head slightly towards her, his nose brushing against hers, while his eyes fluttered close for a second. When he opened them again, Caitlin was still staring at him like he was the most wonderful thing she had ever seen in her life.

"I was scared you'd freak out." He finally whispered.

Caitlin softly shook her head, her nose bumping against his, making both of them chuckle. "I told you. I don't want to run from you again. I need you by my side."

"Good. Because I plan on staying." He replied sweetly.

"It's the best thing I've heard all day… All week even." She hummed against the skin of his cheek as she brought him closer with a hand behind his neck.

Barry pulled back slightly and frowned at her. "What is? Me planning on staying or the other thing?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes to the sky. "You're impossible."

A huge grin instantly stretched his lips. "Yes, but you want me to stay." He cheered like a little kid.

"Oh shush."

"And I know you want to hear me say it again, but I'm thinking maybe I won't and I'll…"

His teasing monologue was cut short by Caitlin's lips pressed against his in a bruising kiss. It took Barry half a second to catch up on what was happening before he grabbed her waist tightly and turned them around so that she was the one with her back pressed against a tree.

And he answered to her kiss with passion, making her moan to his greatest pleasure. One hand lost in his hair, the other gripping at the lapel of his shirt, Caitlin rose on her tiptoes to have better access to his mouth.

"I love you." He mumbled against her lips, as they slightly pulled apart to catch their breaths.

And Caitlin pulled him back to her, not caring about air filling her lungs to make her organism work. She could manage without. Right? She had no clear notion of the time passing by around them, nor the wind, nor the more than limited space between them… She was lost in him. For a moment, Barry Allen became her whole world and she felt like the missing pieces of the puzzle were getting back together.

Her heart swelled to a point she was convinced it would burst out of her chest. But for nothing would she give that feeling up. She could stay there, in his arms, for as long as he would have her. She didn't want anything to pull them away from one another. But yet, saying those three little words back to him still felt like a huge step.

So instead, she decided to show him how she felt by kissing him even harder than before.

That was until voices broke their little safe haven.

"There you are, you two lovebird!" A deep mainly voice cut through the trees. "We were worried about you!"

Following was a higher voice berating the first one. "Shh, come back here Jack!"

"But I found them!" The first voice protested again.

That was the moment Barry and Caitlin seemed to realise they weren't alone anymore. Breathlessly, they pulled apart, hands not leaving the other though.

"Yes but maybe they wanted some alone time." The woman's voice retorted in stern voice. "Now come on, let's go back."

Barry glanced over his shoulder to see the old couple that had walk on them making-out. He instantly recognise the two persons as the old couple occupying the camping spot right next to them. A few hours prior, Barry had nicely asked them if they could keep an eye on their stuff while they were gone.

"No pumpkin." Jack replied to his wife, not noticing that the younger couple had taken their presence into account. "It'll be dark soon, I can't leave them out here without making sure they are okay."

"Well of course they are okay." The older woman hissed, throwing a hand towards Barry and Caitlin, who were now both facing the older couple with curious eyes. When she saw they were looking in their direction, the older woman let her hand fall along her body, rolling her eyes at her husband. "Well at least they were until you interrupted their kiss."

"Hi." Barry cleared his throat and waved at the older couple, a shy smile gracing his features.

"See? They want to talk." Jack gloated to his wife, approaching Barry and Caitlin. "Young people, we came to look for you both because we were getting worried."

"That's very nice of you sir." Caitlin replied with a similar smile, putting one of her arm through Barry's, ignoring her heated cheeks. "Actually, we would like help to get back to the camping site."

Jack's grin widened and sent a 'I told you so' look towards his wife, before replying to Caitlin. "Sure thing, follow me."

Barry and Caitlin shared an amused look before following the older couple back to the camp (they were, _indeed_ , very far from the right path to get back to it). But they didn't care, the moment they had shared was totally worth it.

* * *

"So are you here to pop the question?"

Barry choked at the question and spurted the water he had been drinking. After getting back to the camping place, Barry and Caitlin had joined the other people to share a joyful dinner followed by a huge campfire, reenacting old camping traditions. Other women had pulled Caitlin to the side, while Jack had decided to keep Barry company. Both men were now sitting on a log of wood in front of the fire, having a casual conversation.

Well at least that was until he asked _that_ question.

With difficulty, Barry cleared his throat and watched the older man with wide eyes. "Whaaaat?" He croaked.

"Pop the question? Ask her to tie the knot? Get hitched!" Jack insisted.

The more synonyms the older man said, the wider Barry's eyes got. "Yes yes, I know what you mean by that but…" Barry shook his head vigorously. "Nooo!"

Jack seemed confused at Barry's reaction. "Why the hell not? You two seem quite the team."

"And we are. But it's way too soon, sir." He shook his head again, as if it would help to pass the message over.

"Oh please call me Jack." The older man pointed out before frowning again. "What do you mean it's too soon? You two seem very much in love."

A small blush crept up Barry cheeks. "Yeah but we've been together for just about 10 days."

It was Jack's turn to choke on his gulp of beer. "10 days? I don't believe you."

Almost proudly, Barry smiled widely. "10 days sir. Ask Caitlin if you don't believe me."

"But… How… You… You already act like an old couple."

"Hum... Thank you?" Barry answered unsure, not knowing if he was supposed to take that as a compliment or not.

After a small chuckle, Jack explained his comment. "What I mean is, there's a lot of chemistry between you two. But the way you interact isn't just the fruit of that chemistry. You seem like you lived more than 10 days together."

"Well it could've been 10 really intense days…" Barry suggested with a sly smile.

"Was it?"

Barry shrugged before contemplating his glass of water. "Kind of… but I think that's not what you're seeing…" He stayed silent for a few seconds, considering his next words. "Caitlin and I… We go a long way back. We were together in high school and drifted apart without ever really getting any closure on that. And once we found our way back…" He trailed off again, not knowing what words could do justice to what he felt for the young woman. "Anyway, I think that's what makes us seem like an old couple. We know each other pretty well already. We've gone through a lot together."

"That's quite the story, young man."

"Thank you." Barry replied kindly, looking up again. "So no, I'm not here to ask her to marry me. Maybe in the future, but let's put at least a couple of years before that."

A deep laugh escaped from the man's mouth. "I get you. Sorry for jumping to conclusions."

Barry chuckled and waved his comment away with a hand movement. "No worries. Oh and by the way, I have to thank you guys for getting us back to the camping spot. Or Caitlin would've frozen me to death with a single glare."

"Oh, Marian does the same to me. Glad I could help!" Jack fished behind him to take something out of his cooler. "Here, grab a beer."

Barry smiled at the older man and thanked him for the drink. As he was opening it, two delicate hands came to rest on his shoulders, giving a light squeeze, and Barry instantly knew who it was.

"Mind if I interrupt your guy talk?" Caitlin softly asked as she sat next to him on the log, leaving a hand behind his neck to play with his short hair there.

The young man smiled brightly. "Not at all."

Lips curled up and shiny eyes, Caitlin leaned her head on his shoulder, fingers still playing with his hair while his hand was on her thigh. For a short moment, they didn't speak, only watching the fire grow and soothe their souls. It was beautiful and Caitlin was glad they had decided to go away for the weekend.

It took a few minutes for Caitlin's curiosity to win the better of her. "What were you two talking about?" She finally asked, discreetly nodding towards the older man that had turned his attention towards other people.

Barry lovingly glanced down at her and dropped a light kiss on her head. "Nothing that concerns you, my dear."

Eyebrows shooting up on her forehead, Caitlin pulled away slightly to take a better look at the man next to her. "Oh really?"

"Yes, really." Barry chuckled.

She instantly stopped playing with his hair and crossed her arms on her chest, a light pout appearing on her lips. "Oh I see! You just don't want to tell me!"

He took a gulp of beer before agitatedly shaking his head. "Uh huh, I won't break the bro-code."

Caitlin snorted while rolling her eyes, dropping the fake-hurt act, her hand instantly going back to its favourite place: his hair. "The bro-code, seriously?"

Barry shrugged with a sheepish smile. "Didn't find anything better…"

She seemed to consider her next move for a short moment, before leaning closer until her lips grazed against the shell of his ear. "Well, I have my methods to make you talk…" She whispered mysteriously, making shivers crawl all over his body.

The young man swallowed hard and his eyes darkened a few shades.

"What… what kind… of… methods?" He asked with difficulty.

She pulled back for him to see the seductive grin on her face and the mischievous glint in her eyes. "Oh I'm sure your pretty little head can come up with that without my help." She pointed out, letting her thumb slowly stroke his left eyebrow. And then, as quickly as it had appeared, her flirty behaviour disappeared and she pulled completely away, running a hand through her own hair. "Anyway, I don't think I'll stay up for much longer, I'm kind of wiped. I'll go lie down in the tent." She informed him innocently, giving him a light squeeze on his shoulder. "Don't hang out too long with your 'bro'." And with one last little wink, Caitlin stood up and made her way to their camping area occupied by their little tent.

It didn't take long for him to finish his beer, say goodnight to the other people and to join Caitlin. When he stepped inside, he could tell she was almost sleeping already. He didn't mind one bit. After all, the day had been long and tiring. And it wasn't as if they were going to do anything more anyway, considering the number of people around them…

So Barry just changed into his pyjamas, slipped into the sleeping bag next to her and she instantly turned around to wrap an arm around his waist and to rest her head on his chest.

"G'night, Barry. Love ya." She mumbled sleepily against his t-shirt and he could've sworn he heard his heart skip a beat at her words. He knew it wasn't the same declaration of love he had given her earlier but simply a tired association of words. And for now, it was more than enough for him. She was getting there. And he would wait eternity if he had to.

Wrapping his arms around her, bringing her a little closer, Barry dropped a kiss to her hair and whispered a goodnight and an 'I love you too'.

* * *

The warm feeling of a ray of sunshine passing through the tent was what woke her up early the next morning. Caitlin stretched her limbs in contentment, her grin widening itself when she took note of the man lying behind her, his arm wrapped around her waist, his chest pressed against her back.

Softly, she ran her fingers along his arm and he slightly stirred behind her, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck as he hummed. "Go back to sleep, Cait." He spoke, his voice muffled by her hair.

Caitlin slowly turned around to face him, her fingers going to stroke his jaw and cheek. "But I'm not sleepy anymore." She whispered back lovingly.

Barry cracked a single eye open, watching her curiously, one brow raised. "You're crazy, how can you not be sleepy anymore?" He mumbled after a short moment, slightly shaking his head in disapproval. "It's probably like… I don't know… 3 am?"

"It's 9 am, you goof." She chuckled lovingly, tracing the line of his hair with the tip of her fingers. Barry sighed in contentment and closed his eye again, bringing her a little closer if that was even possible.

Slowly running her fingers though his hair, she spoke again. "I know you want to keep sleeping, but honey, let's go outside enjoy the dream weather we've got. We're not staying that long here, I want to make the most of this trip."

At her words, his eyes snapped open. Silently, he watched her intensely, as if trying to read her thoughts. Caitlin's heart swelled a little at the sight of his goofy smile that slowly stretched his lips, his messy bed hair and his shiny sleepy eyes. He looked like a cute little puppy. She leaned her face closer to his to drop the sweetest kiss ever on his lips.

After pulling away, bumping her nose against his, she whispered: "I want to spend a wonderful day with the most amazing man I know."

He put some space between them and arched an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? And who can that be? I must meet that man."

She had to roll her eyes at that. "Oh shush. There's only one man I'm falling in love with, and that's you mister, you know that."

"I feel truly blessed." The young man teased with a smirk gracing his face, though his eyes told her way more than his words. Barry was gazing at her as if it were the first time he ever saw her.

The intensity of his stare instantly made her blush and look away. She softly swatted him on the chest with her hand. "Stop looking at me like that…"

"Like what?" Barry inquired curiously, still not looking away from the young woman.

She reared her head back, bowing slightly under the attention. "I don't know… like that!" She squealed.

Barry tugged her closer to him, a chuckle travelling all along his chest. "Well I can't help it, that's just me looking at you."

"Well would you stop?!" She protested again, hiding her face in his shirt.

"Why?" He asked in disbelief, completely dumbfounded on why she wouldn't want him to look at her the way he currently was. Cupping her face with both of his hands, he made her look at him.

Her cheeks were now crimson red and her pupils blown open. His heart instantly stopped beating.

She was simply gorgeous.

And her next words made his still heart burst in his chest.

"Because it makes me want to kiss you and never leave your arms again."

It was a simple murmur, yet it resonated in his head, over and over again like a mantra. How had he gotten so lucky?

A beaming smile appeared on his lips. "And that's a bad thing because…?"

She looked away again, softly disentangling herself from him, and his smile disappeared into thin air. "Because I'm leaving…" She breathed out.

"Cait…" Barry began to pull her towards him again to try and soother her, to avoid having her pulling away from him, when she suddenly crashed herself against him, throwing her arms around his neck and clutching at him like dear life, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"And I don't want to." Caitlin quietly whimpered against his skin.

"What?" Barry was at a lost for words. Her behaviour had shifted so quickly and so many times in the last few minutes that he had a hard time following her string of thoughts.

"I don't want to leave you." She repeated; her voice still muffled.

As if the cloud – which had been hovering over the understanding part of his brain – suddenly decided to cloud someone else's brain and Barry finally got the meaning of her words and the struggle she was going through. He sighed and softly ran his fingers through her hair. "Are we doing this again? 10 years later and still the same problem?"

He felt her relax in his arms and she shifted her head slightly so wouldn't hide her face anymore. "It's different." Caitlin whispered.

He cautiously shook his head. "It isn't, not really. I will tell you the same thing I told you last time. I won't let you stay, you have to go."

Instantly, she pressed her hands to his chest to push herself off him, sitting back on her haunches. She gave him a very Snow-like scowl and frowned. "Barry!"

A laugh burst out of his lips as he also sat up, releasing some of the tension in the air. "Hey, hey, sweetheart, we'll find a way, I promise." Barry cheered, his fingers going to grasp hers lying on her thigh. "But one thing's for sure: you have to go back to Central City for your own good. You have to go get that job. You have to get back the control over your life."

She slowly nodded, the reasonable part of her knowing he was right. "But you…"

"There's no 'but' Cait." He gently cut her off. "You don't need me for that part. You're the strongest person I've ever known. You can do this, I know you can."

Her lower lip trapped between her teeth, her head slightly cocked to the right, her eyes shiny, she watched him longingly. He loved that she didn't say anything to refute the part where he said she was the strongest person he knew. She knew her worth. And that, in itself, made her strong and powerful.

"But what about us?" Caitlin finally asked.

"I don't have all the answers yet. _But_ , I love you and there's no chance in hell I'm letting go of you _now_." His fingers left hers to go tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, and he heard her breath catch in her throat. "Sure, things aren't always going to be easy for a while. But Central City isn't _that_ far. I'll visit. We'll talk. We'll get through this together."

Still worrying her lower lip, eyes welling up, Caitlin nodded before leaning her forehead against his. "Why don't you come with me?" She whispered.

A small head movement to brush their nose together, Barry smiled. "You know I'd love to. But I told you I had to look after Lily during the summer break, since neither Eddie nor Iris are available for that during the usual school time."

Caitlin slowly nodded, remembering him telling her his plans for the summer quite a few times since she had been back. She also remembered Lily bragging about spending the summer break with her favourite uncle. It had been so cute, how could she have forgotten that?

She sighed, letting a long puff of air run along his cheeks. With his thumbs, Barry chased the few tears that had managed to escape her eyes away, before kissing her lovingly. And Caitlin kissed him back with all she had, hands clutching at the back of his neck. Yet, the kiss stayed soft and sweet and perfect.

When they pulled away to catch their breaths, Caitlin cleared her throat to speak again. "Okay, let's stop talking about that and let's go enjoy the beautiful weather outside!" She sang out, a beaming smile and twinkling eyes shining on her features. "Are you following me?"

His heart missed a beat, spotting way more meaning in her simple question than a simple bystander would. It sounded like a challenge.

A challenge to follow her through life.

A challenge he would more than willingly accept.

"Absolutely." Barry replied with the sweetest smile ever.

Of course he'd follow her outside.

_He would basically follow her anywhere._


	22. I Already Miss You

_"Babe I already miss you_   
_Sweetheart I already miss you_   
_Sweeteyes I already miss you_   
_And you only just walked out the door"_

_"I Already Miss You – The Kooks"_

* * *

The last few days Caitlin spent in Ryker Neve were wonderful yet heartbreaking. Wonderful because they got to be together, catching up on lost time. Heartbreaking because separation was right around the corner. Caitlin didn't leave Barry's side that was for sure. The few times they weren't together were to spend some quality time with their family. The rest of the time, they enjoyed calm moments at his place, made short trips to the beach with Lily, went to dinner at Iris's and Eddie's place…

They blissfully savoured each minute with each other, not knowing when the next time would be. They didn't really make plans for the future, they actually didn't talk much about what would happen after she left, considering it made their brains hurt. Barry did promise her he'd come visit and Caitlin was planning on being back in Ryker Neve for her next holidays. But those weren't long time answers to their problem.

Yet they preferred pushing it to the next day, and the day after that, letting the future surprise them.

Until the day she actually had to leave and they couldn't really ignore the problem anymore.

"How is it possible that we always seem to end up at the same place?"

Eyes staring at her flight number and the departure gate indicated right next to it, Caitlin had crinkled eyebrows and was nipping at her lower lip. There was a lump in her throat that made it difficult for her to breathe normally. She had never really loved airports before. Even thought, in her opinion, they were the representation of freedom, of being able to go wherever you wanted. But now, they meant bringing her far away from the people she cared about.

Barry let a humourless laugh escape his lips. "Oh you mean at Ryker Neve's airport with you about to hop on a plane to the big city, leaving little-old-me behind?"

"Pretty much, yes."

Hand in hand, Caitlin and Barry were standing in front of the departure board, half smiles hanging from their lips. Barry sighed and turned to face her, slightly tugging on her hand for her to do the same. Softly, he traced her hairline with the tip of his finger and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You know, I'm really starting to hate Central City…" He finally said, eyes staring at hers. "It always seems to be stealing you away from me."

A soft chuckled escaped her lips as she rolled her eyes. And then she turned serious again, squeezing his hand in hers once before answering in an unsure voice. "It's different this time, right?"

"Absolutely." He whispered before cupping her face with his hands. "I'm not done with you yet, Dr Snow."

Brushing her nose against his, she closed her eyes and smiled sweetly. "I'll hold you to that, Mr Allen." She whispered back. After a short moment of silence, she opened her eyes again to stare at his green orbs. "I wish you could come visit during the rest of the summer, though."

Barry nodded before dropping a kiss on her forehead. "I know, I know… but I promised Iris months ago that I would take care of Lily during the summer break as she and Eddie have to work."

"I know," Caitlin sighed, looking away to avoid feeling to embarrassed by her - according to her by-the-book convictions - selfish thoughts. "And I wouldn't want to take away from that little girl her favourite uncle."

"I am pretty cool, aren't I?" Barry gloated while his eyebrows bounced on his forehead.

The young doctor could only roll her eyes at that, before swatting him lightly on the chest. "Oh shush! Or do I need to remind you that you are literally her only uncle?"

The young man faked a gasp, his arms falling from her face to act as a protection in front of his chest. "You wound my feelings, doctor."

The grin on Caitlin's face almost made him forget about all his worries.

Until the intercom called for the passenger of Central City's flight to present themselves at the check in gates.

"This is me…" Caitlin said after glancing at which gate she was supposed to go. Her eyes seemed lost for a moment, craving to settle on his face while terrified about what they might find there. She was already on the verge of tears, she didn't know if looking at his face would help her much.

Yet she couldn't help it.

Teeth slightly biting on her lower lip, hands twisting her blouse between her fingers and a crinkled nose, Caitlin finally looked up at him. "This is goodbye, I guess."

Barry slowly nodded before softly cupping her cheeks between his two hands. "I'll see you soon, okay?" He asked in a firm yet low voice.

"Promise?" Caitlin whispered as she shyly looked into his eyes and bit harder on her lower lip. She hated how needy her voice sounded, but she could really use some kind of confirmation that this wasn't the end, that she wouldn't crumble to pieces once in the city, that she – _they_ – would be okay.

Knowing words wouldn't bring her much more reassurance; Barry decided to show her how seriously he meant what he had said, today and during the past few weeks. Intently staring into her eyes, he brought her face closer until barely enough space to breathe was left between them. And then he kissed her as passionately as it was appropriate in public. Caitlin had to grasp at his jacket to prevent falling to the ground, as her limbs suddenly decided that caring her wasn't an option anymore. A jolt of electricity stroke at the bottom of her spine and travelled the whole way up to her neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

Pushing herself on her tiptoes, Caitlin gave everything she had into that kiss.

What started as a bruising interlude between two lovers, ended in a soft caress between two souls.

"I promise." He breathed against her skin, making her shiver all over again.

She nodded while staring at him lovingly, the tip of her fingers ghosting over her lips as if she couldn't quite believe she had shown so much affection in a public place. Her cheeks instantly turned bright red.

He sighed happily, enjoying her slight embarrassment a little bit too much, before bumping her nose with his again. "Now go on that plane and show them that hiring Dr Caitlin Snow was the best choice they have ever made in the history of Mercury labs."

"Yeah right." Caitlin snorted before pushing him away while rolling her eyes, dismissing his comment with way too much ease for his liking.

The young man wondered how it was possible she still couldn't accept a simple and truthful compliment without turning it into something meaningless. He had promised himself he would change that and make her realise how wonderful and amazing she was. It wasn't the right time now, but he still had a lifetime before him to correct that.

Caitlin bowed down to grab her bags before straightening up again and standing in front of him. For a few seconds, she stayed still, seemingly considering her next words. But then she simply shook her head, took a step forward, rose to her tiptoes and pecked his lips.

"See you soon, Mr Allen." She whispered before turning around and hurrying towards the right gate.

"Until next time, Dr Snow." Barry murmured under his breath as he watched her turn the corner and disappear in the mass of people, even though he knew she wouldn't hear him. When he lost sight of her, his head dropped, his shoulders sagging down in the process, chin resting against his chest as he closed his eyes. A tired sigh escaped as he tried to contain his tears from breaking free, lifting his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose between two fingers. He had done his best to act composed in front of her, but now that she was gone, he felt all his restrain falling apart.

The words he had said to convince her that everything would be okay, and that this wasn't the end of their relationship, hadn't only been for her benefit. He was trying to convince himself in the process. But she was his rock. How was he supposed to still believe in all of that when she wasn't there to remind him of it?

He should get out of the airport if he didn't want anyone to notice his teary eyes – well it wasn't as if anyone cared anyway, considering he was probably not the only one to be parted from a loved one. But he couldn't quite decide himself to move from his spot, as if something, an outside force more powerful than his human self, was keeping him stuck there like a lost soul.

That's when he heard the distinct sound of her heels in the middle of the airport's loudness. How he recognised that this precise and regular sound was coming from her, he had absolutely no freaking idea. But, as easily as he could recognise his name, he knew it was her, running towards him, the soft clicking of her heels resonating in his head.

He barely had time to raise his head to look for her that she had already cupped his face in between both her hands and crushed her lips against his. A second later and Barry had his arms circling around her waist while one of her hand was gripping at the lapel of jacket and the other one was tightly holding onto his neck.

After a very long and passionate kiss, they pulled apart, breathless but grinning like fools.

"Did you forget something?" Barry asked, mirth flying in his eyes.

A blush crept up Caitlin cheeks. "Kind of…" She trailed off while her teeth went to bite her lower lip. Her shiny eyes seemed to search something on his features before finally settling on his soft frown and beautiful green eyes. "I love you." She murmured and Barry felt like dying and flying at the same time.

His grin turned into a beaming smile as his hands went to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "You do?" He asked as if afraid his ears were playing a mean trick on him. Or that she would disappear and that he would wake up from a very nice dream.

She softly nodded. "I do. And I forgot to tell you… I couldn't leave without having you knowing it. So I had to come back to tell you." She paused to catch her breath before pulling him close again. "I love you, Barry Allen."

A relieved chuckle escaped his mouth and he felt like a hug weight, he hadn't even known he was carrying, had been lifted off his shoulders. "You have absolutely no idea how happy I am to hear you say that." He breathed out, amazed. "I love you too."

"I think I know how you feel." She pointed out, remembering how happy and elated she had been when he had told her the very, _very,_ first time when they had been teenagers, but also a few days ago in the middle of trees and nature. It had been perfect both times. She hoped that he now felt at least half as good as she had felt during those two times.

The passengers of her flight were called once again and she sighed. "I really have to go or I might stay here."

"I'd be okay with that." Barry joked making Caitlin roll her eyed for what felt like the thousandth time.

They both knew he wanted her to go to Central City to get back control over her life, but he couldn't help wishing things could be slightly different.

With one last peck to his lips, Caitlin hurried back to where she had been going a few moments ago. And just like that she was gone.

A secret smile appeared on Barry's face and he sighed, more light-hearted now. And he left the airport.

They would be okay.

* * *

_[A few weeks later]_

The soft clicking of her heels lulled her thoughts into a comfortable sense of familiarity. She let her fingers run through her hair as a mild summer wind caressed her skin. Taking a deep breath, Caitlin looked around her with a satisfied smile curling up her lips. One glance to the left, one to the right, she engaged herself on the walkway without hesitating, determination resonating in each of her steps.

As she reached the sidewalk, a determined man walked straight towards her, phone in his hand, eyes staring at its screen as if his life was depending on it, feet loud on the pavement. With a swift move of her right shoulder, Caitlin managed to avoid the intercalation with the man, who by the way hadn't even noticed he were about to bump into her. Caitlin rolled her eyes and went on, that small event in no way messing up with her rhythm.

She was used to this, used to the big city and its population running around after time, used to the crowd, used to the danger that could be waiting for you at the corner of a street, used to the loudness of it all. Being back here felt like finding a piece of herself she thought she had lost. She didn't regret coming back here, her job was fulfilling and thrilling, finding her way back in her favourite streets felt like being reunited with an old friend, and on top of that, she was spending more time than ever with her best friend.

The little ring tone of her phone called out for her attention, and as she was making the turn on the next street, she fished the device from her handbag. The little notification announcing that a snapchat photo from Barry was waiting for her made her heart flutter in her chest. Without hesitating, she clicked on it, briefly glancing in front of her just to check she was still on the right track, before looking back at her phone. She found Barry and Lily staring back at her, goofy grins on their faces, big doe eyes and deer horns on their heads. As a caption, Barry had written: "Wish you were here, my deer" and Caitlin had to snort at that.

Her heart swelled at the sight and her hand flew to her lips to try and contain the stupid smile from appearing. She should know by now it wouldn't be effective, but whatever…

The picture disappeared and as fast as her heart had swelled, it crumpled, the ache she tried to push away coming back to haunt her. At the same moment, a man too absorbed with his phone violently bumped into her. Staggering on her steps, grabbing at her phone and bag like dear life, Caitlin stopped walking to gain back her balance and glared behind her at the man who hadn't even bothered to apologise or even take notice of her, still walking blindly in the street like a bulldozer.

"For Christ's sake…" She groaned under her breath before resuming her walk.

Just like that, the city lost part of its colour and she found herself missing Ryker Neve and its quiet and low populated streets, the clear sky with its soft sun during the day and uncovered stars at night. But most of all, she missed the tall dark haired cute science teacher that made that little town even brighter than it already was. Of course she loved Central City and it was part of who she was. But finding Barry again and being away from him did put everything into perspective. "Home is where the heart is" never made more sense to her than right now.

Another turn and Caitlin arrived in the street of destination. She glanced at her watch and smiled. Right on time, as usual, to her upmost satisfaction. She pushed the thoughts of annoyance brought by her little intercalation and did bigger steps to reach her goal.

A few seconds later, the young woman entered the little café and hummed in pleasure as the soft smell of coffee tickled her nostrils. After a quick glance at the room, she found Cisco sitting at their usual corner table near the street window. She waved at her best friend before heading to the counter to make her order. A couple of minutes later and a hot cup of coffee in her hands, Caitlin joined Cisco at the table.

The young man barely glanced up from the magazine he was reading. "Giiiirl," he cheered in a high voice, "you have to check out that show! The characters are great. The humour is on point. The references are awesome. And the storyline going on right now is. Mind. Blowing!" Cisco barely took the time to breath as he spread his words all over the table.

Caitlin chuckled at the state her best friend was currently in. "Okaay, slow down Cisco. How many cups of coffee have you had before I got here? And what show are you even talking about?"

Pushing the five fingers of his right hand on the magazine in front of him to then turn it around so that Caitlin could read it, Cisco explained in a very excited voice. "Supergirl, duh! Not to spoil you, but there's a great coming out story in it and it warms my heart. I love it so much."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the magazine. On a full page was the picture of a young woman in a red and blue outfit with a kind of an S symbol on her chest. "Oh really?" She asked as she looked back at him.

Cisco vigorously nodded. "Yes, also there's a hot bioengineer in it I'm sure you would perfectly get along with."

The young woman couldn't help but chuckle at his excitement. "You do know it's a fictional character right?"

He shook his head and crossed his arms on his chest. "What's your point, Snow?"

Caitlin bit her lower lip to contain the giggle that threatened to escape. "Nothing nothing, keep going."

Cisco squinted at her, considering carefully his next words. But then he just shook his head again. "Nah, I'll wait until you catch up on the show so we can talk about it." He said, suddenly appearing detached from the conversation.

"You are?" She asked in disbelief. It wasn't Cisco's type to give up that fast. "What makes you think I'm going to watch it anyway?"

Cisco uncrossed his arms and wriggled a finger in her direction "Oh you will. You just wait." He said smugly before slightly leaning over the table. "Season 2 is awesome and you won't regret it a bit!"

"Okay okay, I'm convinced." She shrugged before taking a sip of her coffee.

"You should watch it! I even agree to watch the beginning with you if you want and… Wait what?" Mouth hanging open, Cisco frowned as he finally realised what she had just said. "Well that was easy." He pointed out in surprise.

A sudden blush appeared on her cheeks. "Barry may or may not have told me a bit about it too…" she shrugged again as she explained herself, "and I was already planning to watch it."

Cisco's eyes instantly lightened up "Oho! You were? He did? Niiiiice!" He cheered with a huge grin. "Okay I like him."

Caitlin chuckled, pleased with herself. "You two would get along great, I'm sure of that."

He made a face, letting her know he wasn't completely convinced by her words. "Well he didn't quite leave me a great impression the first and last time I saw him."

A soft frown crinkled her brows. "I know, but I assure you, he isn't usually like that." She sighed, her heart slightly squeezing at the thought of him. "I promise, he's an actual human puppy, with a drama-queen-side sure, but that's beside the point. I'm sure he would be able to keep up with all your movie and TV series references."

That last comment seemed to spark his interest. "He would?" He questioned with excitement swimming in his eyes. "Someone able to keep up with all the memes I love?"

"The what now?"

Cisco shook his head in despair. "Well I'd give him a shot. Can't be worst than you. It's like you live in a cave or something."

"I do not!" Caitlin gasped at him, almost offended by his remark. She would've been if he hadn't just promised to give Barry a chance at redeeming himself. Which was one of the best things Cisco could tell her right now. And her smile showed how happy she was about that.

"Whatever." Cisco mumbled with a roll of eyes. "It's not like I'm going to see him again soon, considering he lives in another state."

Caitlin's smile instantly dropped down and her fingers tightened their grip on her hot coffee cup.

Watching her change of behaviour, Cisco put his hand on hers. "I'm sorry, didn't want to kill the mood by bringing this up."

A tired sigh escaped her lips as she shrugged. "It's okay, don't worry. It's just…" Her voice cracked for a moment. "I miss him, Cisco."

It was painful for him to see his best friend in that state. "He promised he'd visit, right?"

"Yes," she nodded, "but it's been almost two months and the summer break is almost over and then he'll have to work again…" She took a break to sip on her coffee. "When is he supposed to come, huh? And I've got such a busy schedule, I'm not sure when I'll be able to free some time up to fly over there."

Cisco squeezed her hand in his. "Hey Cait, I thought he managed to convince you you'd work this little problem out."

"He did, he did, and…" she sent him a sad smile, "what if he just said that so I'd leave without feeling guilty?"

He frowned, shaking his head. "You really think he'd do that to you?"

"Well no but… what if he changes his mind and what happened between us was just periodic?" Panic was palpable in her voice. "What if he met someone during the last few weeks? What if…"

"Okay let me stop you right there snowy, do you even hear yourself?" Cisco softly cut her off. He rarely had had the occasion of seeing her doubt herself so much. Actually, before seeing her in Ryker Neve, he had never known Caitlin Snow could actually be unsure about something. "I thought you parted on good terms?"

"We did…" She answered shyly.

"And I thought you called each other almost every day?" He continued to question her.

"We do…"

"So why do you doubt him so much?" He gave her hand another squeeze. "Give the guy a little credit, will you? He spent the last 8, _hell_ _even 10 years_ , waiting for you. You really think he's going to stop now that he finally has you?"

The blush on Caitlin's face was so intense by the end of his tirade that she could feel her cheeks boil. "No…" she mumbled like a little kid caught doing something she shouldn't have.

"See?" Cisco cheered. "So there's nothing to worry about! You'll work it out, I know it."

Caitlin's blush finally started to fade and beautiful smile appeared instead, going up until small wrinkles appeared at the corner of her eyes. "Thank you Cisco. I don't know what I would do without you."

Cisco shrugged and leaned back against his chair with a proud look on his face. "I know, I'm pretty great right?"

She arched an amused eyebrow while shaking her head at her best friend. "Anyway, enough about me! How are things going at S.T.A.R. labs?"

"Pretty great, honestly. I think Harrison decided to turn a new leaf and is trying to bring the lab back on tracks."

"That's nice."

Cisco cocked his head to the side. "You know, we could need your help…"

Eyes going wide, Caitlin shook her head. "I'm sorry Cisco, but you know I can't go back to work there."

"I know but…"

She raised one hand to softly cut him off before he could even try to convince her. "I would love to work with you again but what happened… what Harrison knew would happen…" She paused to take a long breath. "I can't work for him anymore…"

Cisco slowly nodded, completely understanding her point. "I get it… I do…"

A short silence settled between both friends as they continued to drink their hot beverages.

It was Caitlin who soon spoke again. "Okay, let's talk about serious stuffs! Didn't you go on a date last night?"

And it was Cisco's turn to become beet red. "I did…"

"Ssoooo? Tell me about it!" Caitlin squealed, leaning closer over the table, ready to hear all the latest news about her best friend.

And that's how the role were suddenly reversed and how the two friends spent the rest of their afternoon, sipping coffee and sharing personal experiences about dating and life in general.

Life was good.

But it could be even better.


End file.
